I called my auntie and she sounded annoyed.
I asked her what was wrong.
She said she was in the store and couldn’t find what she needed.
I asked if she was gonna ask for help so she wouldn’t get frustrated. Maybe I said or should have said stay frustrated. 🤷🏾♀️
Immediately after asking that I went off. I got some revelation from our conversation. Barz. 🤣🤪
She said she was in a different store than usual and it is easier at the other store.
She continued to talk about her options and fuss.
Then she said okay I’m gonna go get some help.
One. How often do we need help but just keep trying to do it alone or ourselves? We don’t seek God or others who could help. Then we end up annoyed and frustrated.
Chances are we end up in a mess that God has to bail us out of that was not even necessary to endure had we sought Him or the plentiful resources at our disposal.
It is so easy for us to rely on ourselves and our own strength. We know what we want and what we are trying to do. We may even be operating in obedience or working toward purpose.
We relied on Him and went or started. But we took our focus off of Him. In ALL THY WAYS (Proverbs 3:6). Not some. Not just through instruction. But. Every. Step. Of. The. Way.
Two. She said she was in a different store and it was easier at the other store. Faith to faith (Roman’s 1:17). Glory to glory (2 Corinthians 3:18). What was easy on one level, in one season, at one time, is more difficult in the next or new.
Once we master a thing, it’s time to move on to something more difficult. Well if we want to grow and move into the next God has.
I have lost focus because this life with God thang is hard at times. I want purpose but the tests and trials cause me to move away from Him. Human.
In a sense, doing what is easier and being complacent is comfortable. Auto pilot. Coasting. But there is a lack of real contentment. Because I wasn’t where I should have been. Frustrated. Easy but wrong. Easy but not better.
It would be like being in 12th grade and doing kindergarten work. Capable of so much. Did what it took, the hard work, to get there. But it’s too much and too challenging so Ima go back to kindergarten cuz it was easy.
And guess what? All that work will be for naught cuz I’m not getting out of 12th grade and on to college until I do the 12th grade work.
Let’s buckle up, man/woman up, and trust God to get us through to where He wants us. He has never failed. And He WILL NOT start now.
I hate wasting food. I hate when people waste food.
There are people starving. That’s a waste if money and resources.
And don’t let me have spent time preparing the food being wasted. Gaaaaaah.
That made me think of the spiritual food we waste.
We read the Bible. We listen to sermons. We endure tests and trials. We have lessons sent by God.
And yet. We don’t do anything with it. Or we don’t keep at it. Wasteful.
If I am irritated by the waste of vittles, I wonder how God feels about our waste of Him and His Word.
How does He feel about us not choosing to be good ground, or good stewards?
I challenge us to keep His Word and provision ever before us. What He gives is too good and too important to waste.
I am grateful to see the end of the year mostly unscathed.
I lost a family member to the rona.
Four family members definitely recovered. One likely recovered.
A childhood friend’s mom was lost to the rona.
An asthmatic family member lost their life due to a chemical reaction.
I lost an uncle due to a variety of health issues.
An uncle was rushed to the hospital, and though serious, it wasn’t as bad as was thought.
Two coworkers and a boss tested positive for the rona and have recovered.
I am no longer on speaking terms with my father. 21 years of foolishness resulted in my departure-at his prodding-for my peace of mind.
Endured the craziest three point five weeks with a male I have ever experienced in the middle of a pandemic.
Left some friends-acquaintances-alone.
Left some family members alone.
Reconnected with some friends I let go.
Made a new friend.
Made some new connections.
Followed purpose with expectation of fulfilled vision-from years ago. Not a catchy 2020 gimmick.
Realized some things that I needed to work on and change.
Saw some growth.
2020 was wild.
But the BEST thing? Focusing on the best friend I’ll ever have, my big brother, my Lord, my Savior.
I’ve been coasting and on autopilot. When Jesus and I are cool, winds and waves don’t play.
I ended this year forced to look to him.
It’s been wild.
But it’s been worth it.
Here’s to 2021.
A multiple of seven.
Biblical meaning of completion.
I expect Jesus to complete some things.
I expect craziness. It wouldn’t be my life without some tests and trials.
I know who’s got me.
I don’t expect easy.
But I expect peace. I expect joy. I expect good things-no matter how it looks or feels.
Cuz I rock with the one who can speak to whatever I face.
I am never alone or forsaken.
That alone makes it well with my soul.
Ok. So I’m having some people problems. It seems as though folk don’t like me. And to be honest I don’t really care for them either. But I have to put up with them. I can’t get around it.
But I want to avoid them as much as possible. I think I’m giving them too much control. I can’t say anything to them. But I haven’t had the strength to smile when I want to say something or when they have irked me. I haven’t had the strength to pretend.
I’ve had to be okay with being mistreated and disrespected. I’m tired. I spent so much of my life pretending. And I’m tired of pretending. It’s hard when people can say or do whatever with no immediate consequences. It would not be a good look for me to express how I feel. I’ve tried that. They are obstinate and not required to change.
I have to change. And I’m tried of having to make other people comfortable with who I am. I get that I may need to improve. I’m not perfect and necer will be. But when you have a problem with me and I feel like you do the same thing and worse…and when everybody doesn’t have the problem. You and your clique have the problem…and you seem to look for a problem. And I’m not the only one guilty of the same offenses…just the only one you have a problem with.
It’s all part of this war. Some days, like today, I feel like I’m losing. Some days I think I’m imagining the problem and it’s not as bad or really what I think. I honestly think some mind games are going on. I’m going to have to cast down some imaginations and things that are exalting themselves.
What I know for sure is that this is going to make me better and God is going to get the glory. I’m not above wishing that this would hurry up and be over. I’m not above wanting this lesson, test, trial, season, process, attack, whatever it is to just end. I have the victory because Christ overcame so I can overcome. I just don’t feel victorious…