What’s The Rush? Who Called You?

I was talking to someone and they had all these questions. I’m cool with it. They asked me if I still felt like I wasn’t ready and now that I’m rushing towards it…

Now, I let them say other things and responded to what I felt I needed to. Sometimes people just need to talk and express themselves. A response isn’t always required.

But when I saw rush. Not really even rushing, I had to address it.

I am currently 35. God Has been telling me and showing me stuff for at least 22 years. Since I was 13. Someone told my mom I was going to be great before I was 10. I know because it was before we left home.

I sat myself down from my calling because I wasn’t ready. There are so many people who want to be up front and want to be seen. So many people want flashy, visible titles. Minister. Prophet. Apostle. Bishop. Elder. Evangelist.

I talk fast. I think it’s because I read fast and think fast. I have constantly been told I talk too fast and to slow down.

Reading stuff in church was torture. I speak well so they put me out front. But I didn’t pace well. Or I got going and forgot my pacing. So now I have to hear from all of these ppl that I went too fast when I tried to avoid even having to do it.

Being called to use words? Ugh. I so understand Moses and his speech impediment (go on over to a Bible. I’ll even tell you where to find it. Rare. Exodus).

But the thing is, if I wanted a title, I could go places right now and tell them my resume and get a title lickety split.

I feel called to simply serve right now. I joined a church and was honest for once about a lot. I still didn’t tell it all. What could get me that title was included. I didn’t ask to do what it takes to get the title. I simply asked the pastor and his wife what they need in order to simply serve.

Cuz I use my words here. I use my words in conversations all kinds of places. I don’t need a pulpit or stage to walk in what I was called to do.

I attempted to go to seminary for multiple reasons. One was to have a piece of paper for the fallible humans who may need it. That was wrong.

Gifts make room. That’s Bible. Go look it up and whatever else I put a πŸ—£ next to (okay. So that might not hold true. I didn’t note it above when I was on my phone. Now I’m editing on my computer. Just go with all of it. Godspeed. Lol.).

I think all of this requires πŸ—£. He called me. He chose me. He sanctified me. He saved me. He justified me.

He told me what He told me and He showed me what He showed me. I need a pastor. I’m SOOOOOO grateful for the one I have.

I don’t need a paper or a title. I have the seal of God’s approval.

How do I know?

My pastor says things I’ve said without talking to him.

He preached two different parts of Be Ruth Not Sarah while it was still a draft I needed to edit.

I will have a conversation with one person or write a blog and up it pops with another person or someone period. God is smooth that way. πŸ™‚

The things that I feel called to discuss, the areas I feel called to, people let me know that they are necessary.

Gifts and callings are without repentance. πŸ—£ Anyone can take a text. Even the devils know Scripture. πŸ—£

This may just be a thing we say and not Scripture. But. The anointing makes the difference.

You get anointing by being crushed just like the olives to make oil.

You get anointing via wisdom.

Via trials and tribulations.

Via a relationship.

People want the glory but they don’t want the story.

People who powerfully impact have endured some of the hardest things in life. I feel like I’ve lived multiple lives in my current 35 years.

Other people say I’m powerful. I kinda maybe agree? Lol. I’m not finna get a big head or not be humble. Nah. I’m just glad to be of service to the King.

I have been tried in the fire. I suppose there’s a lil gold. πŸ—£

I asked what He wanted. Boy. I asked for wisdom. Tuh.

Be careful seeking His Will and your purpose. Shoot. There is no record of David actually asking. But he was chosen. And buddy went through.

I have to give Him this yes though. I’d be perfectly content in a shadow serving in the back of an assembly. That’s not what He called me to. There are people attached to my yes. I’ve said that for years. And so has my pastor and my family who haaaaaapens to be a Bishop.

Also. I don’t think I will have true peace and joy if I don’t submit myself to His PERFECT will and do what He created me to do.

But I’m not rushing. I haven’t been a member of a church or worked in a church for 10 years. It’s time to get back to serving. It’s time to help someone else. My time will come in God’s time.

Go be great. Someone’s counting on it. You need it too.


Waiting Is The Action But Patiently Is The Attitude

On 5-15-22 Bishop S.Y. Younger preached a message titled The Waiting Conflict. I decided that day, before he even preached, to leave where I was living to move to VA to join his church. After 10 years of visiting churches and never joining one. Almost did twice. But nah. Lol. The plan was to stop elsewhere in the meantime.

The message was good. I’m gonna watch it again. Because I had no idea it was prophetic for me.

I did write down the title of this blog because that was so good to me.

I hate applying for jobs. I started applying for them immediately. I believed it was possible to have a job offer by Thursday.

I got a call Wednesday for a job interview Friday. I was so excited.

The interview went well. People were happy for me and were claiming the job. Something, the Holy Spirit likely, in me didn’t think I would get the job.

I didn’t. I wasn’t surprised. Maybe a touch disappointed.

I had an issue with my car but was under the impression it wasn’t urgent. Well. Almost as soon as I got off the interstate after returning from the interview, I had to stomp on the brakes.

So frustrating. My car is my office. I do gig work and need my car to work. That was an impossibility.

However, I had a credit card coming. I was gonna use it for tires. I also had some money I didn’t know sitting in an account. I was gonna wait to get it. But, I went ahead and set things in motion. I had a car payment due too.

I had this title in my mind and spirit. I wanted to wait well. I’ve been in a situation where things looked dire but God provided. Sometimes it’s hard to remember where you’ve been when you’re in something new if you aren’t in the habit of rehearsing who God has been.

I had to calm myself multiple times. But I felt like I was waiting patiently and well. But the stuff wasn’t in hand or account.

I got an email about a tracker for the money in the account but I couldn’t find the tracker. I called and the rep said that was an extra layer of security. I was incredulous. 3-5 business days started over.

I made a comment about it and the rep just kept repeating that it was an extra security measure. I told him I had to go before I got frustrated and rude. Something like that. I’m trying to do better and be better. I felt something rising.

I asked my mom to see if someone she knew knew a mechanic. I was trying to be cheap (see Cheap Isn’t Always Better). She got me some info and I talked to someone. We set Friday as the time he’d come. I’m thinking the money or the credit card would arrive by then.

I messaged him and got no response. I called and got no response. I priced cv axles. And I called a couple places. The one that actually gave me a quote over the phone was way more expensive than I considered for labor and parts. The labor price was cool. But, I wanted to spend wisely and not have to spend more in the long run so I decided to just let them do it. The warranty of it all.

At this point, it’s Thursday. I was told they wouldn’t be able to get to my car until Tuesday. I decided to go ahead and have it towed.

I started the process of having my car towed at one something Thursday afternoon. It took like five attempts. Ima be honest, I did lose it at one point. I was slightly rude in my frustration.

I told the first person that I had a destination in mind. He told me to tell the service provider when they arrived. I called the service provider to make sure they were doing what I needed. I also had a flat tire I wanted changed (I had a slow leak for forever and all the tires are used. Hence new tires. That bad boy finally conked out.) and a tow. He said they were only doing a tow and they couldn’t change the destination. He canceled and I did too.

I called back and got a new one scheduled. I was told they can only do one thing per request. I was fine with that. Just tow it. They scheduled it correctly for the place I wanted it to go. I had an estimated time of like an hour and fifteen minutes to two hours. Ion remember. I was a grip though.

The time came and went. I called my insurance company. They called the service provider. I would have called them myself like I did the first one. But I didn’t receive any contact info.

He was gone for a few minutes then said the people wouldn’t answer. He said that he would get another provider or something like that. He got me on the books again. But he didn’t pay attention to the location. He just picked one and didn’t ensure it went to the same place.

I think I was a lil rude to him. And that was before I realized what he did. Because I was frustrated and I needed to be able to leave. And the shop closed at 5:30. I then canceled it again and called back. I went outside so I didn’t have to hear my sister tell me how to handle it. Cuz she def said something about my tone. She was right.

I spoke with someone who was supposedly getting it together but asked to speak to a supervisor before he finished. Mistake. I admit I was impatient with him. He was asking questions the other ppl didn’t ask. Time was closing in. He seemed to be taking his sweet precious time.

I had been holding it together all week. I was losing my grasp on that control. I hung up and decided a supervisor could wait. I never got confirmation. I called back. Nothing was on the books. I was frustrated still.

The rep said I could just schedule the service. I got off the phone and said I would call back. I called the auto body shop and she said I could just let the driver drop it and the key after hours. That made it better. I told her about my tire.

I had stuff from my car in my sister’s garage but she said something about the garage being used over the weekend so I decied to take it to storage which is one of the things I already needed to do.

My mom told me she had stuff in her trunk and may have said something about putting it in her car. I don’t know because I was on the phone. Frustrated already. Frustrated still. I think she had a tone too. Cuz she stays having one. Or, it could have, just in this instance, been imagined bc of where I was emotionally and mentally.

I ended up taking my spare tire out and putting it on the floor of my backseat and putting the stuff back in my trunk. I told the rep at the shop that the spare was there and they could put the rim there after they changed it.

I finally called back for a tow for the evening. I got contact info. It was the same place that supposedly ghosted. Nope. They were behind and the insurance ppl don’t like to hold. I got an eta that would have been fine.

The car was at my sister’s and I am staying somewhere else. But my mom was cool to give the ppl the the key. It kept getting later and later. I was told they had a lot of tows and they are a small operation. They said I could schedule it for the morning.

I decided to do that because my mom didn’t answer after one of the eta updates. I scheduled it for when she would be home at 7-7:30.

You know what happened at this point right? It got delayed. I asked my mom to come get me. She said she would be late for work if she did. I asked the person I’m staying with if her daughter could drop me off. She said yes. But her daughter wouldn’t wake up. She then said I could just drive her car.

Then my mom says she would wait and just be late. I asked her if that was the case why couldn’t she just come get me. She said she didn’t think of that and asked what I wanted. I told her to come get me.

I called the tow company because we wouldn’t be at the house for the new time. He said he’d have the guy call on his way. Which ended up being almost another hour after the new eta. Also. I’m pretty sure my mom wasn’t even late to work. Loot at God!

The person who towed my car told me about a cheaper shop. He also told me they are based like an hour away. Crazy to me that the insurance company isn’t contracting with more people who are local.

Now that I think about it, they probably do. But for me and my life and the lessons in this, I had to get this company.

So the mechanic calls me and asks what’s going on. He says he’ll take a look and call me. In the meantime, it’s been nine of the 7-10 days for the credit card. I gotta pay to get the car back.

It hasn’t arrived to me because it was sent to my aunt’s house. It must have been a default or auto fill address. The only reason I thought about it is because I accidentally sent something else there recently. Sure enough. And with Memorial Day I couldn’t even rush the card.

I texted the mechanic Saturday and got no response. It is now Tuesday. I didn’t even bother with it yesterday because of the holiday. I admit. I have panicked with worst case scenarios in my head. Nonsensical bc what are they gonna do? I am definitely calling around eight when they open up.

I haven’t had much success with all the job apps I put in. I have attempted to question if I heard God or if it was just me. I hate ppl, me included, lying on God. I try to be very careful when I invoke Him when discussing what I heard, felt, or am gonna do.

I believe I did. I believe I’ve received confirmation and reassurance. It only takes one job. I’m in the middle of an application process for one. Several others are government jobs. Those move slowly.

I am trying my level best to patiently wait well. It’s hard being out here with a goal and no concrete plan to achieve it. To have no money coming in. To be at the mercy of others.

But, I haven’t gone hungry, homeless, or without my needs being met. I have been in similar situations multiple times before. This is already long enough. Lol.

And honestly. It wouldn’t be faith or trust if I could see how I am going to get there.

So. I’m gonna pray. I’m gonna rehearse what He’s done and what He said. I think I will call about my money again though. πŸ˜‚πŸ€£ Also, Tricky Trust & Fickle Faith and He πŸ‘πŸΎ Did πŸ‘πŸΎ It πŸ‘πŸΎ Before πŸ‘πŸΎ are companion blogs. Happy reading.

Though we may not like how, He’s never failed and He won’t start now!

*The last two Where Is My Money and Conclusion Of The Whole Matter*

Love Letter

Happy Valentine’s Day To Me
Thought I’d dust my β€˜pen’ off
And write myself a letter
Using the original love letter
He loved me so much
He gave me his best
Fearfully and wonderfully made
Beautiful in His image
He loved me before time began
Knew me before I was formed
Saw me, chose me
Even when I’m by myself
I’m never alone
He never leaves
Rejoices over me with gladness
Quiets me with His love
Exalts over me with singing
Saw on Insta
God isn’t my Valentine
I guess
Even though
He is the I Am
Whatever I need
I’ll give her that though
Cuz He’s so much more
I could stay here all day
So much to say
But words will never suffice
With all that He is
I am enough
Ion need another human
At least not simply to flex
On a commercial holiday
I’m cool
Patiently waiting
If I’m not ready
He’s not ready
I don’t want it
But let me tell you this
He has big shoes to fill
I gotta follow him
As he follows Christ
Did you read this?
What about the Good Book?
God speed to him!
Me too