Legacy

I’m doing so well this week with not writing. Lol.

Apologies in advance to the regulars. Cuz I’m sure I’m going to be repetitive.

I moved for the millionth time in June. I really prayed and sought God. I mean, most times I have. I’m just out here like Abraham. I feel like every one was preparation to make the move I had to make. And the ones to come. Smh lol.

I made the hard, difficult decision to once again let people go. But this time, it was people I never thought I’d refrain form communicating with. I know I hurt hurt one person.

But, I know where I’m going. And I fully surrendered to it. I had to silence myself. I had to silence the voices around me so I could hear God clearly.

While I am transparent on here, I haven’t told all of my business like I used to. I hid most of the blogs I’ve written since 2013. I left the ones up from May forward. Because I changed in May. For real for good. I have stutter-stepped to this place. But ya girl is here for good.

I told y’all that I wrote a book that was trash that wouldn’t see the light of day. I thought my transparent testimony required spilling every minute detail. I was of the mind that if they didn’t want anybody to know they shouldn’t have done it.

I received grace. My middle name means God is gracious. But I wasn’t handing out the grace love requires. I love my family. But my family has hurt me and I haven’t always felt loved.

But something happened in the past two months that led to the grace and decision to barely mention my family. I prayed. For real. I had no peace.

As I wrote about them in yet another version of the same trash book (at least three chiiii), I really looked at our past. As descendants of enslaved people. I considered all of the info I knew about my mom’s grandparents. Then my grandparents. Then my parents. Then my aunts, uncles, sister, and cousins. That’s how I ended up with That’s All They Know-Keep Building.

I had a couple conversations with one of my cousins then we had a conversation with my mom. It made me see my grandfather in a whole new light and me as his legacy this morning. Cuz I’ve been talking about it to embrace it. But something totally different hit me today.

I didn’t care for a lot of stuff growing up and I was super judgmental. But theses past two months have made me see him so much better. I am so proud to be his granddaughter. I am truly striving to be like him. I see how much like him I am.

It’s crazy what some transparency will get you. This is why I have been saying if people were open the ones behind them wouldn’t fall or if they do they wouldn’t stay in shame. This broadens that. Maybe I would have come to this place far sooner had the whole story been laid out without an interrogation versus me drawing my own inferences and conclusions from things mentioned in passing.

Anywho. That’s neither here nor there. I owe da ppl an apology. Ima give them one. I didn’t handle my feelings well. I mean I asked for things that they refused to give. But just because I want them and see what could be doesn’t mean they do. And I can’t force people to see what I see or to want to change.

I wholeheartedly believe there is healing coming. Conversations will be had. Childhood hurts that have grown and been passed down will be unearthed and destroyed. I just have to let God be God and trust in the timing of it all.

Cuz I want us to love love, not dictate and control. I want us to be free and not be hypersensitive or easily offended. I want us to believe motives are pure and there is nothing behind it and no agenda. I want us to walk out the Bible not religion or tradition or what we were taught. But what the Bible actually says.

While our theology will never merge, I aspire to be so much like my grandfather. I aspire to proudly proclaim who he is and pick up some stuff that he left here in the earth. Ima definitely do it differently. But I exist because of him. I’m gonna stand on his shoulders and keep building what he started.

Go be great. Someone’s counting on it.

It Cost Her Something

I believe when I was writing Two Things Can Be True, and maybe even It’s Gonna Cost You Something, I thought about the person I’m going to discuss. Cuz I definitely though about her today.

It’s good ol Elisha, a woman, and her son again. It’s in one of the Kings. 2 I believe. Happy hunting. Go verify my words.

She was married to a man who was a prophet affiliated with Elisha. She sent word that her husband was dead. She made sure she name checked. She called her husband Elisha’s servant.

She told him her husband’s creditors were coming and going to take her sons as slaves.

E was like what can I do to help? Watchu got in yo house girl?

Sis was like “I ain’t got nothing but a small pot of olive oil.” Ooooh I can’t wait to get where I’m going.

E was like “aight bet. Go to your neighbors and get all the vessels (pots) you can. Don’t skimp. Get a bunch of them thangs. Go inside and shut the door behind you and your sons. Pour oil into them and set them aside as they get full.

I’m gonna go somewhere else I wasn’t going. When he prayed over the boy I talked about in Two Things Can Be True, he went in and shut the door.

He gave her instructions that included going in and shutting the door.

When Jesus got to the house of Jairus where his daughter lay dead, he put the people out and shut the door.

When Jesus was teaching the disciples about doing stuff for or with God (go find it chiiii) He told them to do it in secret and their Father would reward them openly.

Sometimes we got to go through the process alone and quietly. This is a word for me!

David was made king in the pasture. Where he was before and after he was anointed as the next king. I am probably repeating myself but oh well.

Joseph was made second in command of Egypt after being sold, ending up in Potiphar’s house as he serving in that position, and then falsely accused and imprisoned.

We need to get behind that door and let God make us into who He showed us we would be. Move in silence. And when it’s time, let Him put us on display in a place nobody can take because nobody put us there but Him.

So, sis is filling pots left and right. Old school assembly line I’m imagining. She ends up asking her sons for another pot. They’re like “dis it moms. Dats alluem (all of them).”

Sis is like “aight. Aye yo E. I filled the pots like you said. Now what?”

E tells her to sell the oil and pay the creditors.

Bruh. I just got something else. Okay.

Before Jesus died, Mary broke open her alabaster box filled with what? Oil. She anointed Jesus for His burial.

Before He was arrested, Jesus sat in the Garden of Gethsemane sweating blood and asking not to have to go to the cross if it was possible. If you read another blog you know where He was: on Mt. Olivet/Mt. of Olives surrounded by what it takes to make oil. As Christ. Which means the Anointed One.

My blogging, author person reminded me that King David was anointed three times. Maybe one for the Father, one for the Son, and one for the Holy Spirit who are all one identified by the name of Jesus who is the King on the throne.

All this lady had was the symbol of anointing. That symbol multiplied and provided for her. This brings to mind the Scripture that says but my God shall supply all your need according to His riches in glory BY CHRIST Jesus.

Sometimes, all we have is the anointing and the Anointed One. Those are the best times. Cuz He shows us who He is. And we have enough because He is all, and everything, that we need.

Do what it takes to be anointed. It ain’t easy bein breezy. But it’s worth it.

Go be great. Someone is counting on you.