Tag Archives: relationship

Jeremiah 3-4 The Message MSG

My words will be italicized wherever they appear. Should the Bible be italicized near my words, I’ll do something to differentiate them.

Jeremiah 3

Your Sex-and-Religion Obsessions

God’s Message came to me as follows:

“If a man’s wife
    walks out on him
And marries another man,
    can he take her back as if nothing had happened?
Wouldn’t that raise a huge stink
    in the land?
And isn’t that what you’ve done—
    ‘whored’ your way with god after god?
And now you want to come back as if nothing had happened.”
    God’s Decree.

Wellst.

2-5 “Look around at the hills.
    Where have you not had sex?
You’ve camped out like hunters stalking deer.
    You’ve solicited many lover-gods,
Like a streetwalking whore
    chasing after other gods.
And so the rain has stopped.
    No more rain from the skies!
But it doesn’t even faze you. Brazen as whores,
    you carry on as if you’ve done nothing wrong.
Then you have the nerve to call out, ‘My father!
    You took care of me when I was a child. Why not now?
Are you going to keep up your anger nonstop?’
    That’s your line. Meanwhile you keep sinning nonstop.”

Eek.

Admit Your God-Defiance

6-10 God spoke to me during the reign of King Josiah: “You have noticed, haven’t you, how fickle Israel has visited every hill and grove of trees as a whore at large? I assumed that after she had gotten it out of her system, she’d come back, but she didn’t. Her flighty sister, Judah, saw what she did. She also saw that because of fickle Israel’s loose morals I threw her out, gave her her walking papers. But that didn’t faze flighty sister Judah. She went out, big as you please, and took up a whore’s life also. She took up cheap sex-and-religion as a sideline diversion, an indulgent recreation, and used anything and anyone, flouting sanity and sanctity alike, stinking up the country. And not once in all this did flighty sister Judah even give me a nod, although she made a show of it from time to time.” God’s Decree.

Man. As you can see I have few words. It speaks for itself.

11-12 Then God told me, “Fickle Israel was a good sight better than flighty Judah. Go and preach this message. Face north toward Israel and say:

12-15 “‘Turn back, fickle Israel.
    I’m not just hanging back to punish you.
I’m committed in love to you.
    My anger doesn’t seethe nonstop.
Just admit your guilt.
    Admit your God-defiance.
Admit to your promiscuous life with casual partners,
    pulling strangers into the sex-and-religion groves
While turning a deaf ear to me.’”
    God’s Decree.
“Come back, wandering children!”
    God’s Decree.
“I, yes I, am your true husband.
    I’ll pick you out one by one—
This one from the city, these two from the country—
    and bring you to Zion.
I’ll give you good shepherd-rulers who rule my way,
    who rule you with intelligence and wisdom.

But God is angry, judgmental, and unloving. 🙄 I think that’s just the people who wanna do what they wanna do….

16 “And this is what will happen: You will increase and prosper in the land. The time will come”—God’s Decree!—“when no one will say any longer, ‘Oh, for the good old days! Remember the Ark of the Covenant?’ It won’t even occur to anyone to say it—‘the good old days.’ The so-called good old days of the Ark are gone for good.

Hope.

17 “Jerusalem will be the new Ark—‘God’s Throne.’ All the godless nations, no longer stuck in the ruts of their evil ways, will gather there to honor God.

18 “At that time, the House of Judah will join up with the House of Israel. Holding hands, they’ll leave the north country and come to the land I willed to your ancestors.

19-20 “I planned what I’d say if you returned to me:
    ‘Good! I’ll bring you back into the family.
I’ll give you choice land,
    land that the godless nations would die for.’
And I imagined that you would say, ‘Dear father!’
    and would never again go off and leave me.
But no luck. Like a false-hearted woman walking out on her husband,
    you, the whole family of Israel, have proven false to me.”
        God’s Decree.

I’m almost, or maybe I am, sad for God. The grace and mercy and the throwing it in His face. I’m guilty of it too…

21-22 The sound of voices comes drifting out of the hills,
    the unhappy sound of Israel’s crying,
Israel lamenting the wasted years,
    never once giving her God a thought.
“Come back, wandering children!
    I can heal your wanderlust!”

22-25 “We’re here! We’ve come back to you.
    You’re our own true God!
All that popular religion was a cheap lie,
    duped crowds buying up the latest in gods.
We’re back! Back to our true God,
    the salvation of Israel.
The Fraud picked us clean, swindled us
    of what our ancestors bequeathed us,
Gypped us out of our inheritance—
    God-blessed flocks and God-given children.
We made our bed and now lie in it,
    all tangled up in the dirty sheets of dishonor.
All because we sinned against our God,
    we and our fathers and mothers.
From the time we took our first steps, said our first words,
    we’ve been rebels, disobeying the voice of our God.”

But they left again. And this is why ppl say Jesus was necessary. The law could do little on its own to keep the people in relationship with God. But the new covenant. New Testament. What came by way of, through, and after Jesus that exists today…whole nother ball of wax….

Jeremiah 4

1-2 “If you want to come back, O Israel,
    you must really come back to me.
You must get rid of your stinking sin paraphernalia
    and not wander away from me anymore.
Then you can say words like, ‘As God lives . . . ’
    and have them mean something true and just and right.
And the godless nations will get caught up in the blessing
    and find something in Israel to write home about.”

Tuh. Actions aligning with words…. Getting rid of everything that separates them from God.

3-4 Here’s another Message from God
    to the people of Judah and Jerusalem:
“Plow your unplowed fields,
    but then don’t plant weeds in the soil!
Yes, circumcise your lives for God’s sake.
    Plow your unplowed hearts,
    all you people of Judah and Jerusalem.
Prevent fire—the fire of my anger—
    for once it starts it can’t be put out.
Your wicked ways
    are fuel for the fire.

Huh. Don’t plant weeds. Prepare it but don’t fill it with what kills the good that would grow. I’m not touching the rest. Ouch.

God’s Sledgehammer Anger

5-8 “Sound the alarm in Judah,
    broadcast the news in Jerusalem.
Say, ‘Blow the ram’s horn trumpet through the land!’
    Shout out—a bullhorn bellow!—
‘Close ranks!
    Run for your lives to the shelters!’
Send up a flare warning Zion:
    ‘Not a minute to lose! Don’t sit on your hands!’
Disaster’s descending from the north. I set it off!
    When it lands, it will shake the foundations.
Invaders have pounced like a lion from its cover,
    ready to rip nations to shreds,
Leaving your land in wrack and ruin,
    your cities in rubble, abandoned.
Dress in funereal black.
    Weep and wail,
For God’s sledgehammer anger
    has slammed into us head-on.

🤷🏾‍♀️

“When this happens”
    —God’s Decree—
“King and princes will lose heart;
    priests will be baffled and prophets stand dumbfounded.”

10 Then I said, “Alas, Master God!
    You’ve fed lies to this people, this Jerusalem.
You assured them, ‘All is well, don’t worry,’
    at the very moment when the sword was at their throats.”

Whoa. Talk about speaking to God honestly…

11-12 At that time, this people, yes, this very Jerusalem,
    will be told in plain words:
“The northern hordes are sweeping in
    from the desert steppes—
A wind that’s up to no good, a gale-force wind.
    I ordered this wind.
I’m pronouncing
    my hurricane judgment on my people.”

Your Evil Life Is Piercing Your Heart

13-14 Look at them! Like banks of storm clouds,
    racing, tumbling, their chariots a tornado,
Their horses faster than eagles!
    Woe to us! We’re done for!
Jerusalem! Scrub the evil from your lives
    so you’ll be fit for salvation.
How much longer will you harbor
    devious and malignant designs within you?

15-17 What’s this? A messenger from Dan?
    Bad news from Ephraim’s hills!
Make the report public.
    Broadcast the news to Jerusalem:
“Invaders from far off are
    raising war cries against Judah’s towns.
They’re all over her, like a dog on a bone.
    And why? Because she rebelled against me.”
        God’s Decree.

Sheesh. The last two parts in the quote.

18 “It’s the way you’ve lived
    that’s brought all this on you.
The bitter taste is from your evil life.
    That’s what’s piercing your heart.”

Consequences.

19-21 I’m doubled up with cramps in my belly—
    a poker burns in my gut.
My insides are tearing me up,
    never a moment’s peace.
The ram’s horn trumpet blast rings in my ears,
    the signal for all-out war.
Disaster hard on the heels of disaster,
    the whole country in ruins!
In one stroke my home is destroyed,
    the walls flattened in the blink of an eye.
How long do I have to look at the warning flares,
    listen to the siren of danger?

👀👀👀

Experts at Evil

22 “What fools my people are!
    They have no idea who I am.
A company of half-wits,
    dopes and donkeys all!
Experts at evil
    but klutzes at good.”

23-26 I looked at the earth—
    it was back to pre-Genesis chaos and emptiness.
I looked at the skies,
    and not a star to be seen.
I looked at the mountains—
    they were trembling like aspen leaves,
And all the hills
    rocking back and forth in the wind.
I looked—what’s this! Not a man or woman in sight,
    and not a bird to be seen in the skies.
I looked—this can’t be! Every garden and orchard shriveled up.
    All the towns were ghost towns.
And all this because of God,
    because of the blazing anger of God.

Wow.

27-28 Yes, this is God’s Word on the matter:

“The whole country will be laid waste—
    still it won’t be the end of the world.
The earth will mourn
    and the skies lament
Because I’ve given my word and won’t take it back.
    I’ve decided and won’t change my mind.”

You’re Not Going to Seduce Anyone

29 Someone shouts, “Horsemen and archers!”
    and everybody runs for cover.
They hide in ditches,
    they climb into caves.
The cities are emptied,
    not a person left anywhere.

30-31 And you, what do you think you’re up to?
    Dressing up in party clothes,
Decking yourselves out in jewelry,
    putting on lipstick and rouge and mascara!
Your primping goes for nothing.
    You’re not going to seduce anyone. They’re out to kill you!
And what’s that I hear? The cry of a woman in labor,
    the screams of a mother giving birth to her firstborn.
It’s the cry of Daughter Zion, gasping for breath,
    reaching out for help:
“Help, oh help me! I’m dying!
    The killers are on me!”

Yo. This last part…….

Camp Song: Say The Name of Jesus

Soooooo I used to go to church camp every summer. I spent seven years at one and one year at another one.

God gave me the precious gift of the Holy Ghost my first year. He started revealing His plan for me my third year.

So much of my relationship and view of God and church and whatnot can be traced to those eight hot, glorious weeks.

These are the lyrics to a song I haven’t remembered to sing in years. I may post some of the others I learned. Most were camp specific. A couple are songs that I discovered on CDs. Ion know if this one exists and I’m not searching lol.

Say the name of Jesus

Say the name of Jesus

Say the name

So precious

There’s no other name I know

That can calm your fears

And dry your tears

And wipe away your pain

When you don’t know what else to pray

And you can’t find the words to say

Say the name

Relationship

I know I talked about this the other day. But it is important.

Would you consider yourself in a good relationship with someone if they:

  1. Only talked and never let you talk
  2. Always asked you for stuff and wasn’t worried about you as a person
  3. Talked about you as if they knew you but spent little time with you
  4. Wanted you to be or treat them a certain way but were unconcerned about they way you wanted them to be or how you wanted to be treated
  5. Had all requirements but disregarded yours

That’s some of us. If we are guilty of this on a regular basis, I’d say we need to check ourselves and fix our relationship with God.

Relationships are not one-sided. No relationship is 50/50. But um there should be an exchange, a balance. Especially since we will never be able to give to Him what He gives to us.

We will NEVER get to 50/50 with God. I doubt it would ever be better than 90/10 in reality. But the way some of us operate, we have made it 99 (us)/1 (Him) by the way we relate to Him and interact with Him. We gotta do better!

Sin.

I started this on 12-24-20. I didn’t take the time to look up the Scriptures or edit I until today.

People like to take prominent Christians or Christian organizations to task about their stances om abortion and the LGBTQIA community. If the response isn’t sufficient, the individual or organization is subsequently canceled.

This baffles me slightly. People want respect, acceptance and tolerance for who they are and what they believe but are unable to give the same for others who hold different beliefs.

Those who are against abortion and the LGBTQIA community aren’t much better. Just because those are seemingly visible sins, they have the capacity to, and potentially do, sin. They have tolerance for what they deem “little” sin or their own sin.

Just because something is mentioned in the Bible as an abomination, there is no big sin or little sin. All of it separates us from God (Isaiah 59:2; Ephesians 2:12; Ephesians 4:18).

We don’t even have to “actually” sin to sin. The Bible says to him who knows to do good and does not do it, to him it is sin. (James 4:17 KJV)

Jesus warned that there would be people who would do all this stuff in God’s name but he will say he didn’t know them at the day of judgment (Matthew 7:21-23).

There are things for me that are okay and not okay. Others view those things differently.

Here’s the thing that’s great. Our relationship with Jesus and salvation is an individual, personal thing.

We can share beliefs. We can disagree on beliefs. We should never condemn. We have no heaven or hell.

We can judge depending on the circumstance. If you profess Christianity, we can look at the Bible, Jesus, and his teaching. We can examine if your life lines up and if you are bearing fruit of relationship with him.

Now, I’m not saying go around with a clipboard and point out people’s faults. That’s too much judgment.

But, if I’m deciding if I’m going to take your advice, be a member of your church, be in any relationship of any kind, or we engage in conversation, I can try the spirit by the Spirit (1 John 4:1). I can assess what the fruit you’re bearing looks like (Matthew 7:16-20). That’s part of guarding your heart and using wisdom (Proverbs 4:23).

We are called to love. Jesus said so (Matthew 22:36-40). Our beliefs should never make peope feel unloved. Love came to earth and was crucified on a cross (John 3:16). Love took on sin so we could be sinless.

But, the sinlessness is a personal choice. Sinlessness is the decision we as individuals get to make based on the revelation we receive after reading the Bible and entering into relationship with God.

I’ve been too judgmental. I’m sure I will be again. Some of it is learned behavior. However, if I know to do good and don’t, it’s sin. I’m working on it. Amongst other things.

Love covers a multitude of sins (1 Peter 4:8). That doesn’t mean we can just be out here wildin because we are loved. Love allows us to recognize and stop sinning. Love gave us salvation to remove the sin.

Love someone today-especially yourself.

Do It The Right Way

Soooooo the top picture is my mint plant from Walmart the day I got it. I like mint in my water. The package specifically said to get a pot with a tray. I couldn’t find one in Walmart or Dollar Tree. I did find the walrus named Winston. He came with his own dirt and mint seeds.

You can see what the caption for Snapchat said. SMH.

Between using the mint and likely death, the mint had to leave Winston. I attempted to be creative with the cups. I cut holes in the one on top and put water in the bottom one.

I remembered I had a self-watering pot from another plant that lost its life after five long years and several moves.

Ion know where I was originally going when I started writing this on 1-2.

The pot, well planter, still was not what the instructions said get. But, I went with it.

The thing was struggling. It was super wet when I took it out of its packaging and put it in Winston. It was decently wet when I moved it to the cups. I watered it when I moved it to the planter-not immediately I don’t think. Maybe I did since there was way more soil.

I attempted to prune it. I made sure it was in the sunlight. Gave it water occasionally. Well kinda often but not daily.

I ended up going out of town ans left them with my nature loving-she has actual degrees related to the outdoors and animals-coworker friend.

The plant got pruned and I was told I was giving it too much water so it was drowning. I asked if I needed to change the pot and soil. Chile I put leftover succulent soil from my dead other dead plant in it.

I was told no. I still felt like I should. So there we have the last picture. I rinsed the roots to put it in that soil. When I searched for ways to take care of my first plant, rocks in the bottom was suggested. I rinsed those too.

The thing is still struggling. It’s with my mom who had a mini forest in her room.

I said them above. I planted Winston’s mint in him. He was doing fine until I attempted to shift the soil so it would grow better since I didn’t plant the seeds right. He is struggling too.

Here’s the thing. I spent all this time, exerting all this effort, likely for naught unless my mom works a miracle. Impatient. Or some other thing. The stores I went to didn’t have what I needed.

I could have gone up the street and gotten exactly what I needed. I ended up doing that anyway. Who knows where my plant would be had I just done it the right way to begin with.

Who knows where we would be if we had just gone to God and done some things the right way to begin with.

How many wrong relationships, romantic and friend, have we exerted too much effort over?

How many tests and trials have dragged on or been repeated because we didn’t just take our time and do it the right way to begin with?

How much have we endured needlessly because we were impatient?

I suggest and submit for our consideration that we just do it the right way to begin with.

40 years in the wilderness for a trip that took days should be a lesson and something only the Israelites in Exodus endure. Not us.

Do We Really Believe?

I’m listening to somebody sing an awesome song. I’ve conversed with them and they dont seem to trust the God they are singing about.

Jesus commissioned the disciples to do what he was doing. They watched him,earned from him, and then he said go to the people do what you’ve seen me do. (Mark 9:1-6)

A couple of them came back unable to cast a demon out. Jesus did it. The disciples asked why they couldn’t. Jesus said it was because of their unbelief. (Matthew 17:14-20)

It’s a puzzling, interesting thing that we go to church and hear sermons, hear songs, read the Bible, do all of this God-centric or God-adjacent stuff yet…

We don’t see the promises of God manifested. We look at the problem and not the problem solver.

We look at the wind and the waves and sink instead of focusing on the Savior in the middle of a miracle. (Matthew 14:25-30)

We create this hero who we don’t allow to become our friend. We create this Santa Claus but don’t fellowship with him. We create this genie but don’t allow him to lead and guide us.

We ask, but not according to his will. (1 John 5:14) So, we end up with issues. We don’t do what the Bible says do in, the way it says to do it in order to receive because we aren’t fully believing it. Why? Because our concept of who he is and how we should relate to him is skewed.

We aren’t taught or ignore the character and mind of who God truly is. If we don’t know how can we believe? Our relationship is a two way street

But, if we are conditioned to always ask, have our hand out, expect him to just do whatever we ask, we are disappointed. That affects our belief.

What a world this would be if we allowed the Word and the giver of that word to come alive in our lives. What a world this would be if we invited him in and gave him control. What a world it would be if we simply, truly believed.

Time

There is this dope mom on Instagram (@mytransparentmoments) run by one of the dopest chicks (@shanickavailhouae) I’ve encountered on Al Gore’s innanet.

I’ve been peepin her game for at least six years. I know cuz it was before she got married in 2014. Ha!

The way she allowed God to use her in her singleness concerning her personal life and job as an assistant was cool. But THE WAY she has evolved it into THE transparent mom. Tuh. She is an inspiration to single and married folk, to parents and the childless.

Ima send her link to this. The church folk say give people their flowers while they are living. A.K.A. take the time to show them you appreciate them while they are around to hear it.

The way she parents, seeking God and valuing her children as the gift they are, is something to behold and should be THE standard.

She is hard on herself. With reason sometimes and without others. She is self aware and holds herself accountable. If more humans only took the time tondonthat…

She’s been talking about time and planning lately. It has blessed me. I got a whole vision situation taking place with my brother this week.

She recommended this sermon by Dr. Dharius Daniels. It’s called Ain’t Nobody Got Time For That as part of a series entitled Boss Moves.

Let me tell you. The lady never gets it wrong. He. Man. I won’t tell much. It’s only like 40 minutes. I’m linking it and her pages. Do yourself a favor.

Anyway. The point. He discusses the importance of managing our time.

It’s five something where I am. I have been taught, and heard others say, when you can’t sleep or you are awakened, that’s the time to pray. So I started and this hit me.

Dr. Daniels said praying is an investment with a great ROI (return on investment). I’m for real not giving too much more cuz watching or listening would be a great investment for you.

It is imperative, if you are a follower of Christ and a believer, that you take the time to cultivate a relationship. Relationships with people require intention and communication. Time.

Prayer is time with Christ that is intentional communication. Dr. Daniels talked about distraction when praying. Peter, James, and John were distracted by sleep when they should have been praying in the garden of Gethsemane before Jesuswas taken and eventually crucified (Mark 14:32-42).

Things come that distract us from intentionality in our relationships and our relationship with Christ.

But, there is good news. Peter is a superstar in the Christian faith. For those who believe in the Apostolic doctrine (Acts 2:38), he was given the authority to began building the kingdom per Jesus (Matthew 16:15-19). He got his prayer life and relationship together. He wrote two books of the Bible.

John got it together. He told us about Jesus through the lens of love in the book of John. He continued to talk about love and some other important things in the three additional books attributed to him. There’s some dispute about if the John who authored Revelation.

James got it together enough to be present in Acts 2. Jesus had a brother named James. There’s a dispute about who wrote James too.

Dr. Daniels was teaching us about the importance of prayer. I think it is safe to assume that he has a great prayer life. He’s pastoring and edifying, blessing the people with his sermons. I’d wager a yes to his improved prayer life.

The great thing about time is this: for a time, God gives us time to get it right. Where our treasure, including our time, is exposes where our hearts are (Matthew6:22). Ecclesiastes 3 tells us there is a time for everything.

The MOST important time is time with Jesus. That gives you the blueprint for what to do with the rest of your time.

I took the time to write this here lil post. I’m gone take the time to pray. And then I’m gonna hope I get the time to go back to sleep for a bit on this here vacation.

My Transparent (MOM)ents: https://www.instagram.com/mytransparentmoments/

Shanicka (Shuh-nee-kuh not Shan-nick-uh. It was a whole thing with Alexa. 😂🤣) Vail House: https://www.instagram.com/shanickavailhouse/

Dr. Dharius Daniels (Change Church) Ain’t Nobody Got Time For That: https://lifechange.org/sermons/aint-nobody-got-time-for-that/

Eh. I decided to watch the sun rise on on the beach in 45 degree weather.

Be Careful What You Ask For Cuz You Just Might Get It

The title of this has been sitting in my drafts since 12-19-20. I honestly forgot that it was there until I went to my drafts to finish two other posts.

I have slept a lot since then. I have no earthly idea the context of the thought.

It applies to sooooooooo many things in my life.

The one thing that it applies to the most is slightly apropos. Wisdom. Apropos because that’s basically all Proverbs is and “we “are going through it “together”.

When I was younger, some person in some church something told us to ask for wisdom. I’m a pew baby a.k.a. I’ve been in church since I was conceived. Lol.

I have always, as far as I can remember, loved all things church and God. I took in and soaked up so much of what was said. Both to my detriment and benefit.

So, I asked God for wisdom. What I didn’t know and was not told was kinda vital. Hopefully, the person didn’t hide the ball on purpose. Hopefully, my telling you what I wasn’t doesn’t dissuade you from asking for it anyway.

Experience. That’s what was was left out. In order to obtain wisdom, I had to experience some stuff. Boy. At some point since, I think I said that I wouldn’t have asked had I known. The experiences have been difficult and painful. I wouldn’t change a thing though.

While it was hard to get the wisdom, it grew my relationship with Jesus. He was always there. Just like the footprints poem. Nothing in this world is better or matters more than a relationship with Jesus.

I got what I asked for. But it cost, costs me something. I know where I’m going though. The price was worth it. The price is worth it.

Paul said it best: for I reckon that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us (Romans 8:18 KJV).

Reckless

I apologize now if anything is ever redundant. Just go with it.

I’ve been reckless a time or two about a thing or two. But I gotta say the biggest thing I was reckless with was my life.

How you ask? Unprotected sex with a virtual stranger whose last name I don’t even remember.

If you’ve read any of my blogs this week that may be puzzling. Shoot. It’s my life and it puzzles me.

I was raised in one of the strictest Christian denominations there is. But I embraced it. I vowed to never have sex until marriage. I remember sitting at a table and being told to never say never. Again, just like Peter (who I think I’m most like in the Bible now that I think about it), I confirmed that wouldn’t be me.

I guess it’s something that I lasted longer than many of my peers. But it makes it more insane and foolish.

I’m of decent intelligence. I had sex ed. I saw the news.

When you don’t love yourself, are caught up in what the world around you has, and want what the world deems as important, you’ll do silly stuff.

I managed for a time not to give away the only thing that I had kept for myself. Cuz I gave everything else one could give to be loved and accepted-money, time, love, my identity, my beliefs, etc.

But one day I wasn’t strong enough. And like the serpent beguiled Eve, this slick talking dude was given my most prized possession and whispered words I needed to hear. But they didn’t matter in that moment. I regretted it immediately.

But that’s the funny thing about things we find wrong. I enjoyed it. I mean it is in part for human pleasure. But I didn’t want to keep doing wrong.

Yet I did. And never asked about or sought protection. I took pregnancy tests and kept going. I was even chased through a neighborhood by some chick and waited on his call one night. 🤦🏾

Eventually I went to a particular church service-I hadn’t stopped going. He actually flaked on me. The message hit me like a ton of bricks. I told him we were done with it.

I, of course, attempted to go back on that decision. For some reason he wouldn’t let me. I choose to believe it was the grace of God.

No surprise that our relationship was over not too long after that. It would be years before I got the courage to be tested. Mercifully, I have no diseases.

And to me, despite about 6 months of crazy, I’ve got a little over a decade of celibacy under my belt.

Honestly, I haven’t struggled too much cuz I’ve focused on trying to love me. I haven’t put myself in too many places or positions to have an issue. And when the desire to be loved externally, or an infatuation, has popped up I worked on leaving it alone.

I have no deep or good way to end this. Well maybe. You are the only you you’ve got. And you’ve only got one life to live. Love you. Cherish you. Heal you. Respect you. Demand the best for you. You’ll be better for it in the end. Don’t be reckless.✌🏾

I Quit Church

How odd for a Christian to not go to church. I honestly never thought I would be anything less than a faithful church attendee.

But the reality is this: after 26 years of mostly faithful attendance, the past 5ish years has been spotty and mostly nonexistent.

To many that’s baffling. Especially some of the people I’m closest too. I was hardcore active and present every time the doors opened. For a multitude of reasons, I even chose to go to church instead of seeing my cousin when she came in town. 🙈

I’m not a perfect Christian or person. I’m human. But you learn a few things, see a few things, by being a halfway decent Christian according to mainstream standards for 26ish years.

There are a couple of the many churches I have attended that are my favorite. It’s hard for others to measure up. Not to mention my distillation of the Bible I read and believe has led me to a complex conclusion with strong held convictions.

For comparison’s sake-when it comes to church I’m kinda a snob. Like Starbucks diehards. Or many iPhone owners.

When you’ve experienced the best why settle? Especially when it is something as important as a relationship with Jesus and salvation.

I won’t get into all of my beliefs and the inherent contradictions. I am well aware that all of this many not be kosher when considering what scripture has to say.

But I read my Bible. I could do better at that. I talk to Jesus. I could do better at that too.

We are all striving and can all do better. Where I am right now is good enough for me. That sounds slightly horrible as I tap it out.

I just don’t want to go to church for the sake of going to church. That’s religion. I’d rather have a relationship any day.

People don’t trust their kids with just anybody. Why should I do that with my church attendance?

Maybe I’ll find somewhere. Maybe I’ll find something. Maybe I should be more proactive. But maybe, just maybe, I’m fine just where I am right now.

7-30 AM Musings

Sometimes knowing the Bible is a benefit and a detriment. Sometimes having a relationship and knowing Jesus intimately is a benefit and a detriment. Because I know him and his word I believe and expect certain things. But because I know him and his word I know that what I believe and expect won’t always happen how, when, or where I want if at all. I rejoice in the promises but the hard parts give me pause. Part of it is my flesh and spirit warring. Part if it is his desire to prune and correct. Part of it is his desire to draw me closer, at my request and desire I might add. It’s difficult to know his word and know that you have to be still and wait when you have asked and expect to receive. So I have to just try to pick one scripture. And I think the best one, one of my favorites, is Romans 8:28. AND WE KNOW THAT ALL THINGS WORK TOGETHER FOR GOOD TO THEM THAT LOVE GOD, TO THEM WHO ARE CALLED ACCORDING TO HIS PURPOSE