I’m sitting doing my hair and listening to my lil Christian/Gospel music.
I have several unwritten drafts. Relationship wasn’t one of them. The unwritten ones require more time than I’ve carved out since I got the inspo. Ima get to them.
I feel like I stay fussing or correcting. But I don’t feel bad. Jeremiah is called the weeping prophet. But he was and his words are bomb.
There’s plenty of saccharine, sweet, positive, good, prosperity, little accountability words floating around. That ain’t me. Ima keep going in my lane.
God promises us things. Good things. But so many focus on His hand and not what is required to obtain His promises. Ima talk about standards and the holistic Christianity of the Bible.
Waaaaay off. Two different songs that play today talked about living. Not I’m Alive. Lol. Go check that post out.
I need someone to know that they need to live. Suicide isn’t the answer. Wallowing in depression isn’t the answer.
I wanted to die. I was depressed. It was overwhelming. I saw no way out at the time. But it got better. Jesus and I got tight.
Everything in my life isn’t perfect. Honestly, from the outside it is a MESS right now. But I know what God said. I know why. I trust Him. I have hope in Him.
I see how He’s come through for people in the Bible. I remember how He’s come through for me.
Focusing on Him and His Word gives me peace. It gives me joy. He makes life worth living. It’s not easy. At all. But soooooo worth it. The peace and emotional and mental stability is PRICELESS. Try it. I dare you. 🙂
Life isn’t all sunshine and roses despite the beautiful locale and awesome revelation.
I have two specific situations that I am not a fan of. I really wanna give the assignments back to God.
I told Him as much. My relationship with God is truly like some I have with his humans.
I tell him everything. Especially when what’s going on, and at times Him specifically, if I’m honest, is getting on my nerves.
People say He can’t heal what we don’t reveal. I give Him all of it. He already knows. But, He wants me to tell Him and give it to Him.
I’ve run away from one of the situations before. Honestly, if I try and it doesn’t get better, I chuck the deuces. I tried to run away from the other situation after basically being left holding the bag alone.
However, for reasons known and unknown, there’s more for me and those involved in these situations.
The disciples found themselves in at least two storms with Jesus.
He was asleep during one storm (Mark 4:38-40). Jesus questioned their fear because he was on the boat.
In the other storm, the disciples didn’t recognize him at first (Matthew 14:25-32). Then Peter, ever the brave, outspoken, slightly reckless disciple, was the only one willing to engage in the miracle and get out of the boat.
But, he got distracted by the storm. Jesus chastised his doubt. The wind and waves calmed as soon as they got on the boat.
The thing to note is that Jesus was there. He allowed them to experience the wind and waves. Then, he showed them that as long as he is present he has the power to help them through.
He quieted the wind and waves after he awoke from his sleep. He saved Peter after he called to Jesus while he was sinking.
My situations are slightly overwhelming to my feelings, emotions, and carefully cultivated peace.
I’m not a fan of the disruption, wind, and waves they are bringing currently and forecasted for the future. I know the forecast because I know what I have to do. Again, not a fan.
I’m in the boat with Paul-I’d love for Him to remove the thorn. But, now as then, His grace is sufficient (2 Corinthians 12:9-10). I would love for this cup to pass like Jesus requested before his death (Matthew 26:39). But, my refrain is the same. His will not mine. Ugh.
I know one thing for sure and two things for certain. He is with me. I will make it through. And He will get the glory.
After all, wind and waves are mechanisms to propel boats forward to their destinations. There is just some wind and some waves that are more preferable than others. I would definitely prefer some different ones.
Alas, all things work together for good (Romans 8:28). He has plans to prosper me (Jeremiah 29:11). I can do all things because he strengthens me (Philippians 4:13). I won’t drown (Isaiah 43:2).
*edit* it is JUST like God ro allow a storm today…
I am grateful to see the end of the year mostly unscathed.
I lost a family member to the rona.
Four family members definitely recovered. One likely recovered.
A childhood friend’s mom was lost to the rona.
An asthmatic family member lost their life due to a chemical reaction.
I lost an uncle due to a variety of health issues.
An uncle was rushed to the hospital, and though serious, it wasn’t as bad as was thought.
Two coworkers and a boss tested positive for the rona and have recovered.
I am no longer on speaking terms with my father. 21 years of foolishness resulted in my departure-at his prodding-for my peace of mind.
Endured the craziest three point five weeks with a male I have ever experienced in the middle of a pandemic.
Left some friends-acquaintances-alone.
Left some family members alone.
Reconnected with some friends I let go.
Made a new friend.
Made some new connections.
Followed purpose with expectation of fulfilled vision-from years ago. Not a catchy 2020 gimmick.
Realized some things that I needed to work on and change.
Saw some growth.
2020 was wild.
But the BEST thing? Focusing on the best friend I’ll ever have, my big brother, my Lord, my Savior.
I’ve been coasting and on autopilot. When Jesus and I are cool, winds and waves don’t play.
I ended this year forced to look to him.
It’s been wild.
But it’s been worth it.
Here’s to 2021.
A multiple of seven.
Biblical meaning of completion.
I expect Jesus to complete some things.
I expect craziness. It wouldn’t be my life without some tests and trials.
I know who’s got me.
I don’t expect easy.
But I expect peace. I expect joy. I expect good things-no matter how it looks or feels.
Cuz I rock with the one who can speak to whatever I face.
I am never alone or forsaken.
That alone makes it well with my soul.
I’ve mentioned before I don’t get why marriage is so import and why it is the ultimate end game. Mariage is honorable. The marriage bed is undefiled. It’s better to mary than to burn. Marriage enables the world to be populated.
I get all that. It’s one of the first things that existed in the Bible. But Paul never married. Paul talked about being single. He advised that being single allows one to devote more time to service to God. The Bible tells us that some won’t ever marry.
So why do we only focus on one thing in “the church”? “The world” seems to value marriage to a certain degree. Companionship period is important to the world. So human nature as a whole places a premium on being with somebody.
It is important for humans to have interaction. It helps us to be us and to be great. But why is my sexuality questioned when I am single and not looking? Why are people incredulous, indignant even, when I don’t want a man or want to be a member of an online dating service or don’t want to go speed dating?
I know my past. Even though I’m not her anymore, I am still vulnerable where relationships are concerned. It is easy to be distracted and lose yourself when you are looking and/or are in a relationship. I have other things, school, personal goals, spiritual goals, to focus on and worry about.
The Bible says he who finds a wife finds a good thing. I heard a preacher say a woman can help herself be found. Some people think a woman can find a man. I don’t know which I agree with. I do know I’ve ended up in a world of trouble trying to find him myself.
I finally know who I am. Or am getting to fully know me. I would like a relationship. But at this moment I know better. There are certain things I feel one needs to bring to a marriage and I’m not there yet. God takes two to create one. He doesn’t take a piece and a piece. That’s just pieces. I think it takes more wholeness for a marriage than a relationship. Perfection isn’t required, but I think you should accomplish yourself what you seek in others.
I think I’m whole enough for a relationship. But at 27 who is dating to date? I don’t know where I’ll land when I’m done with school. Is it fair to put somebody in limbo? I know people do things for love, but is it fair?
I can honestly say I know I’ll be alright if I never marry. I don’t know too many people who only want to adopt kids. I want to adopt a toddler IF I even have kids and…TMI for a blog. I have male friends and at the moment that is good enough 99.9% of the time.
I know God grants you the desires of your heart. But you also have to ask according to His will. I want His will. I want joy. I want peace. I want to be and do what I was not just called to be and do but what I was chosen, created to be and do. That may or may not include a family. I am almost completely content in the state I’m in. And with his help I will, and as long as I’m in His will, forever be content in the state I find myself in.