This Place

Heeeeeeeey y’all. I feel like I’ve been neglectful. I’ve barely written anything in this space.

I have posted gems and nuggets over on Instagram. If you wanna find me it is karlissaann. Not to be confused with the one a in the middle over here. πŸ€¦πŸΎβ€β™€οΈπŸ€·πŸΎβ€β™€οΈ I dunno why or what I was thinking. I may end up changing Insta to mirror this to make it a one stop shop. Cuz this was first and will be more difficult.

Anywho. I just haven’t had the pull or leading to write anything long form. I’ve seen God. And I could have forced something. But He hasn’t pushed me to do anything here. I may just do a screenshot inspiration dump.

I’ve been trying to be more quiet and intentional with my words. I do post a bunch in my story on Insta (which is linked to my Facebook I barely post on).

There’s a reason for it. I got some ppl who have need of what I got going on over there. Cuz let me tell you. Left to my own devices, I’d be here and on Snapchat. And Snap is only for my inner circle. Cuz, as I’ve learned, everything ain’t for everybody.

Sometimes we are unknowingly stumbling blocks (that’s Bible) or cause people to covet (more Bible). I’m not trying to do too much on socials like I have in the past.

Y’all. I’m trying to walk out the stuff I say and write. I have been tested and tried. I’m sure I’ll have content soon. I mean, teaching these kids is plenty of fodder. As is my interactions with my coworkers. And riding the bus.

But, I’m super emotional and have been struggling. I no longer write from that place. Well that isn’t top of mind or fingers. Cuz there is emotion tied to everything. I just like to have it under control by the time I write about whatever. And I’m so not in control of much and it’s been difficult to harness my emotions. My peace and joy have been attacked. I’ve written enough about this place.

So, I’m gonna go through the growing pains and wait on the Lord. When I move from here, I’ll have a lot to say. Until then, I may just do a series of inspirational dumps. Cuz I’m fairly confident there are some people over here who could use it too.

Go be great. Someone is counting on it!

Okay Miriam

I may catch a lil heat for this. But I’m gone honor, gas, and celebrate my people. And honestly, since she taught about honor culture, maybe I’ll catch a break.

The second Sunday I was at church someone kept looking around and was playing a tambourine. Like Moses’ sister Miriam. I was low-key confused and, if I’m honest, a lil miffed. Like, what is going on?!

It all made sense after church. It was the pastor’s sister who takes care of the new members and various things in the ministry. We talked. I gave her all my seemingly chaotic energy. πŸ€·πŸΎβ€β™€οΈπŸ˜‚πŸ€¦πŸΎβ€β™€οΈπŸ€£ I know me.

But she loved it for some reason. Lol. She told me so. Chiiiii. She may have called me sis within that short lil exchange. She, I, had no idea what we were getting ourselves into.

I asked God for new people earlier this year. I love the people I had. But I needed new ones. Because I needed present, like minded people who reciprocated.

We went to second service. This lady got up there and told us “it’s settled.” Baaaaaybay. That thang blessed me. I observed how she did what she did. We had a convo about it. It was interesting to say the least. All was well though. Better than well tbh.

We have been off to the races ever since. I have seen so much growth in both of us in the two seconds we’ve been in relationship. That is my sister for real.

I’m gone fight for this one. Other people and her. In the spirit in prayer and in convos if need be. She gets the business. And she gives it too.

I love her life. I love our relationship. There is nothing fake, forced, or contrived. It is truly heaven sent and heaven’s best for me. I’m sooooooo grateful. We in this thang FUH LIFE. I’ll GLADLY accept that sentence.

Go be great. Someone is counting on it.

Just Shut Up

Seriously.

Really.

Truly.

Honestly.

I had a DAY today. I had one last week too.

I told two people who I KNOW have my back.

I didn’t really complain. I was honest about what was going on and my state of mind. My feelings.

After I told them, I turned my phone off and went to sleep. I prayed when I woke up.

But the key thing is I didn’t just talk when I prayed. I sat and waited for Him. Prayer is a two way conversation. Not a one sided monologue. I got what I needed.

I read my people’s texts. Their response? Prayer and Scripture.

I had a text from someone else who was hot because I had my phone off then on DND. I told them what was going on cuz they have some stuff in common. They were a blessing of encouragement.

I would love to say I was good after that. I wanted to run my mouth and vent. I called two people. God, in His providence, didn’t allow them to answer. So when one texted, I just asked them about something I wanted to know in addition to being honest about how friggin hard today was.

These mountains and valleys, these rollercoasters, this cross, this death of the flesh, these altars that this life is sacrificed on, ain’t for the faint of heart.

But that’s the point. To be like Him I have to endure what He did.

He’s just teaching my hands to war.

He’s preparing me and equipping me for what He knows is ahead.

HE TRUSTS ME.

It is painful to grow.

But growing I am. I’ve seen it. My people, this one I am talking about here and my other one, have. I KNOW I’m doing what I should.

But shoot. Even Jesus took exception to what He knew He had to do. At this point, I’m inclined to believe it was more for our benefit than it was an actual issue with what He created Himself to do.

Again. He created Himself to lay down His life for us.

He, God, created a body, Jesus, to lay down as a sacrifice, to give us a piece of Himself, the Holy Spirit, to dwell in us as the Comforter. See Salvation.

Man.

Go be great. Someone is counting on it.

Be Healed And Grow Up

I think that there are a lot of us working while wounded. We were hurt and traumatized and stopped maturing past a certain age.

There are people in my life whose trauma I am aware of. I know when it happened and their actions and behavior aligns with the age they were when they were traumatized.

Though they are chronologically a certain age, they are still stuck at the age that they were harmed.

It’s why they are incapable of being in proper relationship with me and other people.

There is an Apostolic, and even just Christian, arrogance that I’ve observed. I mean I’ve been at this for almost 36 years. We receive salvation, come into the knowledge of who Christ is, and all of a sudden we are perfect.

We never sinned or will sin again. We never make mistakes. We are perfect. And everyone else around us has to be perfect or they are no good. We got heaven on lock.

Meanwhile, we are hell on earth outside of the church. Because we were taught to wear masks and facades from those before us. We weren’t told it was okay to have issues. It was okay to need therapy. Just pray about it. Go talk to the pastor. Who is a human walking around with unhealed issues as well.

Jesus sacrificed and provided everything we need. But people and this world have taught us to just get over it. Just move on. Ignore it. Act like it never happened. But it did. And people can see your trauma. That’s why all of our friends and relationships are just as dysfunctional as we are.

We attract who we are and what we are. Until we realize what is going on with us and desire better, we will always be stuck in circles and cycles, marking time being unhappy and unfulfilled. Wanting to do things but unable to complete them. Because we think we are better and more evolved than we are.

I sat I my trauma. I looked at myself. I didn’t like all of what I saw. I asked God some questions. I know this is a tad redundant from other blogs. I looked at the choices I made. I looked at who my family and friends were and the choices they made. We all have a part to play. But our experiences and relationships inform, lead us to make certain choices.

If we have horrible human relationships it’s hard to have a good relationship with God. Even when we have experienced His blessings, miracles, and favor.

That’s why who we surround ourselves with is so vitally important. I love A LOT of people. But I had to let go of them and put them out.

There’s Bible for it and I’ve written about it. πŸ—£ means Scripture to look up.

Elisha shut the door and was alone with the boy who died and came back to life. πŸ—£

Elisha told the widow to gather pots and then close the door leaving her alone with her two sons. πŸ—£

Jesus put everyone out of Jairus’ house except his family and the three disciples who went in with Him. πŸ—£

They had to create spaces and atmospheres for the miracles and healing to take place. There could be no distractions. There could be no negative energy. There could be no doubters. There could be no complainers.

If we are trying to get to certain places, we should be surrounded by and taking advice from people who have achieved what we are trying to achieve. We should never be the smartest in every room. We should never be the most evolved. We should never be the richest.

I suggest that we evaluate who we are, where we are, why we are the way we are. And seek the help that we need. Embrace the peace, love, and joy that is written in the Bible and available. He came that we might have life and have it more abundantly. πŸ—£ He came to set the captive free and give us liberty. I think that is a twofer πŸ—£πŸ—£.

I get it. You want to do what you were created to do. But you don’t know how. You want to be free and delivered. But you don’t know how. All it really takes is being honest and vulnerable with God. And accepting what He tells and shows you. Accepting who and what He sends. Being willing to be hurt and disappointed. Being willing ro endure hardness like a good soldier. πŸ—£ Being willing to die to your will and desires. πŸ—£ Being willing to undergo surgery because His Word is a twowdge sword that cuts. πŸ—£ Being willing to present not just your body, but, entire life and all your goals and dreams as a living sacrifice. πŸ—£Being willing to have to walk away and hope that it’s there or better when you come back.

Jesus never promised ease but He did promise ability. He promised to be with us. πŸ—£ His servant promised the ability to do all things through Him because He gives us strength. πŸ—£ His strength is made perfect in OUR weakness. πŸ—£Our vulnerability and inability is what He wants. It gives Him the ability to be the Potter as we become clay. πŸ—£ It takes work, heat, pressure, and a lot of other things for water, dirt, and paint to become pottery. But once it is made, it is beautiful. There are so many different things, us, that simply come from dirt and water. Oooooooh. That is a whole nother blog that will probably never be written. Lol. I kid. Cuz that was good to me. But this is long enough.

There is no reason to be sad, hurt, confused, angry, and suffering. Make the hard decisions and live well the one life we have. Go be great. Your life depends on it. So do so many others.

Do SOMETHING!

How can you love a God you haven’t seen but can’t love people you can? I paraphrased a Scripture found in one of the three books John wrote towards the end of the Bible. πŸ—£ means a verse to look up so you know what it says for yourself.

I have been vexed for YEARS about the fact that we cannot possibly know what love is. We cannot possibly know who Jesus is. Despite all the church and all the Bible.

Cuz love is an action. For God so loved the world. πŸ—£ God is love. πŸ—£Love sacrificed on the cross. πŸ—£

That wasn’t convenient. It wasn’t comfortable. It wasn’t easy. It wasn’t something He did if He could fit it in his schedule or wasn’t too busy. It wasn’t something He just ignored or failed to do.

We are admonished by Him, His disciples, and His apostles over, and over, and OVER to love. Like He did. Like we want to be loved.

But. Something is amiss. Like the disciples Jesus found problematic. They had all of these reasons and excuses as to why they couldn’t follow Him. πŸ—£ People have so many reasons and excuses for why they can’t be in healthy relationship with people.

We don’t talk but when we do we pick back up where we left off. Let God take a year to answer your prayer.

I work all day and then get busy. I don’t feel like talking. Well Jesus didn’t feel like going to the cross but He did.

My bad. I was gonna call you back but forgot. Ooops. God fogot to heal you. His bad.

Like bruh. What is going on with God’s children? Christians? His disciples who should be walking, talking, acting, moving like Him?

I will say for the ones who look like me, descended from enslaved people, many of us have never been loved properly. We are traumatized. We are operating off of religion that we learned from the god the slave masters created and not the One of the Bible.

Cuz all this me, me, me selfishness ain’t it. We want people to support us but we can’t support and be there for those we say we love and are in relationship with.

What if that text or phone call is the last one before they end it all? Now they’re dead and you’re the one crying the loudest looking and feeling as stupid as you should.

What if that text or phone call is the answer to the prayers you have prayed? But since you couldn’t be bothered you missed that moment and have to wait forever to get it. When you simply could have had it if you made time for another human.

And. How hard is it to check on people and initiate contact? Scroll through the phone and send some texts? If you think about someone text or call? Could it be God placed them on your mind or they are in your phone for a reason?

I REFUSE to be apathetic and isolated and unaware of or unavailable for those around me who are in need. I keep saying it and will keep saying it. The hands and feet of Jesus.

Could it be the reason we aren’t receiving the miracles, signs, wonders, and healing of the land, because in addition to not humbling ourselves and turning from our wicked ways, we aren’t doing what Jesus told us concerning those around us? πŸ—£πŸ—£πŸ—£ That’s definitely, at least three.

Maybe we should go back and pay attention to everything Jeus said and how He said it. Cuz we just won’t get or see some things if we don’t follow instructions.

Go be great. Jesus demanded. He and those attached to, assigned to you are waiting and counting on it.

I’m Gone Move

I went to Convocation at the end of July. Almost a week of just church services and church related stuff. Ion usually like talking about this but it should put this blog into perspective. The day after Convocation I went on a consecration/fast. It was with someone else for a week. Their idea but I was down for it.

As soon as it was over, God said the rest of the month sis. That’s why I said I was on a siesta and why I’ve been moving in interesting ways with my people in real life, on my blog, and social media. Lol. I was raised to not tell people or act like you are hungry and fasting. Just go on with life as usual.

I did it in secret and He rewarded openly. I did it in secret and responded to His directives and miracles openly. But. It is important to let people know that Jesus is right about not just prayer but prayer AND fasting.

In You Gone Move Or Nah, I talked about moves I’d made. I talked about being happy about finding a new church.

I definitely withheld information. Lol. What I didn’t say was that the move was temporary. I knew before I arrived at my destination that I wasn’t going to be there for life.

I expected it to be longer than two months to be quite honest about it. I honestly feel like I look crazy.

But here are a few points that settle me. Haha. My sister for life told us she heard God say it’s settled the FIRST Sunday I met her. Whew.

At convocation someone said it looks the same but it is different. I feel like I look like a runner or a trackstar. But I really feel like I moved differently when faced with some things I endured before. And I handled them with far more grace and understanding than I did before. I grew up!

Someone else said acceleration. A speeding up of the process. I was super focused on the why. And the who. And the what. I looked for purpose in everything. I made sure to align my behavior and words in ways that surrendered to what God wanted to do.

My former pastor said that things would speed up. What would take years would take months.

Lastly. If I’m gone talk about it I’m gone have to be about it.

I love the pastor, first lady, and the members. I wish heaven’s best and the manifestation of God’s perfect will. I thought I was walking into one thing that became something else. That is perfectly fine. Who I was when I walked through the doors was perfect for what I saw.

Who I became, and in part who I already was, was not well suited. And guess what? That is okay! It is okay to evolve and grow and have no hard feelings or wish no ill will.

One of the things that they said at the church was up and out. I got rejuvenated and fortified for the journey ahead. I will never regret or despise my time there.

But, I gotta do what I gotta do. And that means going back to my home organization and finishing, revamping the work my grandfather started. I have a rich heritage and legacy I cannot run from. Dorothy was on to something. There’s NO PLACE like home. After 5 years away, 2 back, and 10 away again, I have TRULY come to realize that.

He that has begun a good work… That is definitely a Scripture to look up. I’m the fourth generation and fourth preacher. None of my mom’s generation has declared or accepted a call to preach unlike me, their father, and paternal grandparents.

Go be great. No matter what. No matter how hard it is. No matter how crazy it looks. Abraham much? Heed the voice of God and quiet any voice that doesn’t support His.

People can ask questions. But consider HOW they ask questions. Is it to understand and make sure you heard God? Or is it out of doubt and fear, in ways that will make you think you didn’t hear God because they can’t fathom that God would have you do it? Or it is something they would never do?

Job’s friends and family are great examples of who NOT to be around. Love them. I have a few of my own. But… I’m gone leave that alone. Cuz that’s all they know. Ima keep building.

Again. Go be great. Someone’s life, soul, eternity depends on it.

You Gone Move Or Nah?

My new sister friend inspired the title. I am ready for her to move closer to me. We shall see. Distance ain’t no thang though. I talk to her plenty and will see her frequently enough before she makes the move.

But it made me think about the moves that I’ve made.

I was forced to leave home as a child. My grandfather moved to pastor a church. My grandmother moved and eventually ended up ill. It was hard for my grandfather to pastor a church and take care of my grandmother. My mother’s career was geared towards individuals with the same illness my grandmother had.

We were supposed to move home after a year so my mother could marry her fiancΓ©. It was bittersweet that they didn’t get married. Lol. More bitter than sweet because we stayed put. But I doubt that change was why we stayed.

Within months of arriving, my grandmother got worse and spent a lot of time in the hospital. She eventually passed. I don’t know why we didn’t leave then. And I don’t know why, unlike my mother’s sister, brother-in-law, and nieces, we didn’t leave after he decided to remarry (I just said it that way. Them’s my people!).

The ONLY thing I can chalk it up to is the will of God for the call on my life. Nothing else makes it make sense. And chiiiii. I need some sense for all of the lives I’ve lived since we left home.

He was a different kind of pastor than I was used to. I experienced culture shock at home, at church, and at school. My mother was different once she was around them on the regular unlike when we lived a lil over an hour away from them back home.

My mother and sister ended up wanting to leave his church for a litany, variety, multiple reasons. I forced/begged them to stay. And then I decided that I had had enough so I left first.

I was looking for the church I left. It was more home than home. It was so loving and we had a family. Not to mention the Bible teaching we received there. My forever pastor, who God has called home but I will honor until there is no more breath left in my body, created a gold standard that I have chased since I left my grandfather’s church. Fortunately, 18 years later, I have found what my heart and soul longed for. God is so faithful and loving. Sheesh. I gotta move on or I’ll get lost in the sauce.

It was more of the same at that church. I was also staying put in an effort to improve my relationship with my mother. And ya know, in state colleges are cheaper than out of state. Because my father offered to move me and told me there were schools back home.

I went to another church. By outward appearance of the daughter of the pastors I met in one of my college classes, I should have been going somewhere like home. Beware of sheep in wolves clothing (das a Scripture to look up. I’m on my computer again.). Cuz chiiiii. I think that was the worst of all of the churches I attended. My God from glory. That is definitely an appropriate pause. Haha. Cuz what I could, and have, said. Thank God for growth.

I went to another church. It was even more extreme in some regards than all of the others. But definitely nowhere near as bad as the worst one.

Within months of joining that church, I left my mother’s house but stayed local. I tried to let my pastor’s wife know what was up. She wasn’t hearing it. She told me to go home and love my mother. I did.

I told people at my grandfather’s church what was up. They made me the responsible party in the relationship and never took me to him though they didn’t think what was going on was right.

I tried to talk to my pastor at the church I went to after I left my grandfather’s. I don’t remember the exact words but I know I walked away feeling unseen, unheard, and like he chose my mother’s side.

I don’t fully understand why parents are given so much benefit of the doubt. I guess there is this residual thought from slavery that they adult or the one in the position of power (slave master) is the one who is right. I guess too because of one of the Commandments. I can’t go down this rabbit hole. It was and is a lot.

I will say here, God respects us and requires respect. Parent child relationships should mirror all of the examples of how God relates to us and what is specifically outlined. Because, contrary to trash popular and colloquial belief, we do not belong to our parents and they did not bring us into this world and cannot take us out.

God gave us to them and they are going to have to answer for what they did with the gift given. Just like we will have to answer for how we honored them. One last thing. Honor does not equate to taking abuse and disrespect. I don’t care what you heard or what you think.

Things went super left with my mother due to my father and his wife’s involvement. I left her house and went home.

I said I was never going back to the church I was born in. But when I got there (due to proximity and transportation issues), I appreciated the pastor. Especially what I found at the church he founded. It reminded me of home. That didn’t last long. He shut his down to merge with his father’s that he was pastoring-the one I was born in. But he didn’t do a culture adjustment. It was more of what I didn’t want. I left. And became a church nomad for 10 years.

I would visit churches, including the one that was home but not because the pastor left to start his own, but something wasn’t right. I almost joined a church or two. There are too many to count. Some were back home and some were where we moved to because I moved back to where my mother and sister were.

I thought I needed to and wanted to go to seminary. It was where I thought I was supposed to live to do what I know I was called to do. I ended up having to leave my sister’s earlier than planned and went home for a month before I went there for seminary.

Seminary did not work out. I lasted a few weeks there. I didn’t have enough financial aid. I didn’t have the ability to make enough money for my bills. I refused to go back where my sister and mother were so I went home. That only lasted for a little over a year because I ended up having to move across town and once again didn’t have enough money for my bills. God refused to allow me to get jobs based on my educational and work experience. I needed the jobs I had though. I needed every experience. I like to say no losses only lessons. I am gonna write something with that title. πŸ™‚ (and did. and managed to remember to link it!)

I thought things were better with my sister so I moved back to where she and my mother were. And they weren’t. They got as bad as they have ever been.

I eventually moved back to where seminary was where I thought I was supposed to be. Even though I didn’t want all of what God wanted for me, didn’t fully believe I would see it even though I talked about it, I still felt like I should try. Especially based on my education and career aspirations.

I was desperate to pay my bills and give a conditional yes and try to get to where I needed to be. So desperate that I didn’t tell to many people where I was going and what I was doing. Which was living in my car at a truck stop for a few months. The people were up in arms when they found out. I had places I could have gone.

But I didn’t want to go there. For multiple reasons. Aaaaaaaaand. Van (car) life is a thing. There are entire social media accounts devoted to it. I wanted the freedom to be and not have to adapt or adjust to anyone like I did for the couple of times I lived by myself. I eventually found a room to rent and stayed put for over a year.

The entire 10 years I was out of church as a member, I attempted to maintain a relationship with Jesus. I still engaged with church. Like I said, I tried. I messed up. It happens. But I also shed a lot of the religion that I was introduced to. I said introduced because that’s not what was up at my home church. Relationship was the thing. I can’t break down the difference here. I will elsewhere I promise. I hope I remember to come back. Just search for it if it isn’t linked because I forgot. Apologies.

I don’t regret my mistakes. To regret them is to regret the beauty I see that I have grown into. It is cringe worthy. But. Jesus and I have a good thing going.

After my last hiccup, God told me I was ready and that He would spring forth water in the desert. I almost said I felt like God said. Cuz Ion wanna be out here lying on him. But it was Him.

I left where I was with a plan. Cycles. I went back to my sister’s. Things were better but not as great as I thought. But that was the last time. It wont happen again. There is no possible way. I decided to move because she decided to move. And sis will have no room for me.

I decided to move because I found a church that reminded me of home. My sister introduced me to it. I felt like the pastor and the ministry would be able to launch me into purpose. I tried to find a job in the city where the church is. Drove like four hours in the middle of the high gas prices of 2022. Twice. I let the pastor know. Wait. Let me back up.

At the top of 2021 a guy who was like a brother to me at my home church was supposed to be at the church my sister introduced me to. My friend and I decided to go up the night before. She was familiar with the church too. Ion remember how. Or maybe not yet and this got her into it. I’m not finna waste time and ask. Lol. We went. Church was canceled because of an ice storm. I still wanted to see broski.

He happened to be with the pastor so I got to meet him. I lied to Bishop. Forgive me Lord! I told him I would never tell what I saw him doing and I think I told on him in his presence with a few people. But I’m gonna hold to it and not tell it here. Just know, it was very comedic of him and suits his comedic nature.

It was refreshing that he was the same person. It was refreshing that he simply asked what church I go to. When I told him I wasn’t a member and watched online a few places, he explained and understood my generation. No judgment. No condemnation. But he did his pastoral duty and told me I needed to find a church and get planted. He didn’t push for me to join his church (an online member was a possibility).

I privately toyed with the idea of moving to a place I never considered all because of the church. I shut the idea down because of my career aspirations. But. When I came to myself (shout out to my actual pastor. I’m getting there), I decided I was going to go because my sister finally decided to move after joking about it and making comments for what seemed like forever.

I decided that I was just gonna move and rent a room two hours from the location of the church my sister was going to. I thought about it and decided I would go to another location that was still two hours away. I just needed to be under Bishop’s covering.

I was going to go to a Juneteenth event then go to church. But. My cousin lives in the same city as and wanted to go with me. She told me not to wait on her. But I decided to. I looked up a Juneteenth event and went.

Once I got there I saw a pastor and his wife who used to go to the church. I knew of them through socials and old videos of church services. I started talking to them as if I knew them forever. I have the gift of never meeting a stranger. But this was even more of that than normal. For some reason, I just started spitting stuff out.

Come. To. Find. Out. They just started a second location in this city two weeks before this, the week before I got there, the week I decided to just move. Who wouldn’t serve a God like this?! I had the realization, that it was his church that I needed to be in to do what I needed to do. Like them kids in that fairytale, God left breadcrumbs. Fortunately for me, they are leading to a great ending, unlike them.

Where is the Scripture you say? I’m glad you asked. I got an earful from someone who didn’t like that I have been wandering. They brought up my age and said I needed a job with insurance. They said I needed stability. They took issue with the fact that my sister and I were moving for a church. I ignored it. And then God had Bishop pray for me and tell me to follow the leading of the Lord for the next move He wanted to do in me and through me. So I ended up at the church that I am so excited about!

Abraham moved here there and everywhere at the word and direction of God. And look what we have today. All religions that have a God/god that share principles (Judaism, Christianity, Protestantism, Catholicism, Isalm, etc.), can be traced back to a man who left all he ever knew and followed the voice of a God many have come to know.

Joseph was sold into slavery. After ending up second in command, he ran for survival, ended up falsely accused, and imprisoned. He dreamed dreams that he shared and God allowed him to interpret the dreams of others. The dream sharing was part of why he was sold. His jealous brothers. It really be your own people. It didn’t help that he was their dad’s favorite.

While it all seemingly was disastrous. And, though not recorded, I imagine he doubted if the dreams would ever come true, the gift of interpretation led to him being released from prison and second in command of all of Egypt. His life, his struggle, his moves, what seemed disastrous, saved all of Egypt and his entire family. His father was Jacob who became Israel. Who led us all the way to Jesus of Nazareth. The Christ. The Savior.

Go be great. This is long enough. Someone is counting on you. I’m sure I could have done a better job. Oh.

MAKE THE MOVES! Your life and the lives of people you have never met are counting on it. Choose to thrive wherever you are. Your prison could become salvation for someone else. Ha. I gotta go. I’m out.

Soooooo. After two months….I gotta make another move. I feel like it’s a little crazy. But I knew this wasn’t permanent. The experience has been one I didn’t expect but necessary. I gotta go build this legacy. And this place prepared me. I had some stuff going on in me I was unaware of that wouldn’t have been great to take with me. I’m grateful for rhe stop. I kinda wish it would have been longer cuz of the optics. But hey. The Who Say What Now of it all…

Rich Soil

I was talking to Lucy’s daughter. We were fighting fighting. Just kidding. Disagreeing. But that’s fighting fighting for us. Hahaha.

I don’t know how I forgot to give her a blog of honor of her own. Therein lies one of the rubs we were tussling about.

She is one of my best friends. She was in the house and loves me like Lucy. She has truly parented me. I won’t say just mothered.

She has taken me on dates. I’ve taken her on dates. And we’ve simply just gone out together. She really is her mother’s daughter.

I told her, at some point since 2018, that I was gonna take care of her and honor my granny. She was at home all 48 years of her life that her mother was alive for. She was the caretaker for my grannny for at least the last nine years we had her. My granny wasn’t suuuupwr needy or sick the whole time. But she stopped driving and her health declined in the last two years of her 88 almost 89 years of life.

She has been there when I couldn’t count on or depend on anyone else. She has made sacrifices for me in small ways that mean so much. She was the only person to make effort to get me a gift and recognize what a feat and accomplishment law school was. That is irritating and sad when I consider the circumstances. It’s that acrimonious divorce in Happy Happy Joy Joy.

She does everything for everyone. While they love her, and do the big things like make sure she has a decent car, the day to day on the regular check-ins don’t happen. They love her but don’t inquire cuz she isn’t honest and they assume she’s good. I told her this so it isn’t some rock I’m throwing then hiding my hand. And I’m gonna send her the link. Lol.

I told her I’m the one who has to look out for her. I told her that I told her I was gonna honor my granny by looking after her. Her niece daughter. I asked her what she needed cuz she’s been on the go so much. She refused.

We argued about blocked blessings and letting me help. She was refusing to answer me cuz she already knows. I tried to guilt her by asking how would my granny feel if she knew she wouldn’t let me help. Nothing was working. I’m good and grown. I just sent her the money. I was sick of it. Hahahahaha. Fighting fighting.

Then I demanded that she take a self care day. She needs to rest. There is no point of doing all she has and not being able to enjoy the spoils of her labor. I need her around to enjoy our future.

And here is why we are here. Every so often I say something that is SUPER good to me. Like, a lot of this blesses me. But some of it surprises even me.

I started talking about her reaping what she sowed. But then I took it a step further. I told her you can’t keep sowing without reaping the harvest. If you keep sowing without reaping you will oversaturate and ruin the soil. You won’t be able to sow a thing. We both said “oh. That’s good.” Well I said it first and then she said she was thinking it. Lol.

The soil of my life has been made rich by my decision to go home in 2009. I was devastated because I was praying and things got bad. Then they got even worse. I’m realizing for real for real, cuz I think I hinted at it in Lucy, He really is a God of answered prayer. I didn’t get what I needed from the parents I wanted it from. But I did get it from the shared DNA of my father.

While my father, due to his trauma, was unable or incapable, of being what I needed, the love, guidance, correction, all the things God is that a father is supposed to be, still came through the DNA I got from him. This literally just hit me as I typed this.

God is SUCH a good, good Father. He is a promise keeper (I’m referring ro the Scripture you should look up that says when my mother and father forsake me the Lord will take me up).

I’m out. I’m overwhelmed from so much that I myself am reaping. Sheesh. It pays to endure and be in relationship with Jesus. Salvation is so worth it. My goodness.

Go be great. Someone is counting on it.

Who Say What Now

Who are you obligated to? What are you obligated to? Who are you trying to please?

I have learned and am still trying to walk out that there is a lot of truth to the quote to thine own self be true. With the caveat, the addition of seeing yourself how God sees you in line with His perfect will for your life.

This is probably kinda a part two or further explanation of Happy Happy Joy Joy and pieces of other things.

As stated, there are parts of my future that I’ve know about since 14. There are a lot of things people don’t know or forgot about. God has NEVER let me. I made the decision to be bold enough to tattoo it on my foot. The whole everywhere the soles of your feet tread of it all (πŸ—£ means Scripture to look up 😊).

So, while questioning and doubt and not fully wanting to submit, I was still out here in these streets prophesying with my feet. If you don’t know, the short version of prophesy is speaking something now that will happen later. It should reaaaaaally be done at the inspiration of God so we aren’t stating things not line with the future He has planned. I hit some of that here.

Gifts and callings are without repentance πŸ—£, you are born with them. How you use them is up to you. That’s why there are accurate fortune tellers. They have the gift of prophesy but they chose to use it for means that do not honor and glorify the gift giver, God, for reasons known to them.

Anywho. Wait. I actually planned this for once and think I need to go back to age 10 going on 11. When I was at home, we lived a little more than an hour from a lot of my mom’s family. She created a family for us at the church. Loved it.

I was seen, I was valued, I got to ask questions, I talked to adults and older people more than the kids.my age cuz this brain has always been a lil advanced and different. That’s just how He made me. I’m not the one who came up with that notion. I was just told this by my shujaa two days ago. Lol. And she is not the first….

We got to wear pants, fingernail polish, earrings when we weren’t doing certain things in ministry (ushering at the door, singing on the choir, etc.), make up, and the like. We got to go bowling, to the movies, to the skating rink, LIVE life. And that was a novel concept for many people who were raised Pentecostal/Apostolic. Still is for some.

People took the Bible and continued to, and still do, use it a s a weapon to control people. Without revelation from God and reading what the pages say in context via the chapter before and after, the black and white words can be used in isolation in ways God and the authors inspired by God never intended.

I don’t know where I was really going yesterday when I started this and stopped before unfinished rhen first sentence in the paragraph above. (I remembered one thing. My grandfather sent my mom something in regards ro her wearing jewelry and makeup. When I found it it shocked me a lil. But he was a product of his time. Can’t really fault him…)

The point of this was to discuss who and what we are obligated to as I asked the questions above. I ended up writing Church People Hurt Me which is kinda a companion piece. Other people did too.

Despite being hurt, my trauma response, coupled with my relationship with Jesus, caused me to love hard and be mistreated and mishandled. If the people you love ignore you, talk horribly to you, don’t allow for proper conflict resolution skills, make you insecure, don’t allow for great self esteem, you are gonna allow others you come into relationship with to treat you like a doormat or trashcan.

The world says because I love you I have to forgive you. Because I’m a Christian I DEFINITELY have to love you and obvi forgive you. But people like to say we should cast it in the sea of forgetfulness πŸ—£ (Scripture to look up bc you need to read it for yourself). That’s what God does. I ain’t God.

I don’t feel like the Bible demands that we forgive and forget. There’s a Scripture that came to mind that is a little on point but not really. It says should we continue in sin that grace should abound, God forbid.

Should God continue to heal and deliver me for me to go right back to the one hurting me? God forbid. I love you. I want heaven’s best for you. But the Bible also says guard your heart because the issues of life flow out of it.

My guy, my bff, I Am, JESUS picked 12 then picked 3 of the 12. He kept a tight circle and knew who they were and that they supported purpose. Judas was necessary. And He knew who they would be to and for Him after he ascended. He didn’t obligate himself in relationship with everyone.

He wouldn’t even really go home to perform miracles cuz of how they saw Him.

I have made conscious choices and decisions that are painful. But necessary. If you try to save your life you lose it but if you lose it you will save it. πŸ—£ What profit is it to gain the world, be in relationship with people who harm and don’t support, be in places and spaces that don’t aid in getting to purpose, and lose my soul? πŸ—£Lose what I was created to do and be…

Cuz being out of His PERFECT will won’t allow me to maintain this peace and joy. It’s why someone made a comment to me about not going through something every few years. I’d get fed up and focused. But I missed people and went back. Only to be hurt and fed up again.

Few people choose me without my involvement. Why keep doing that when I know who God says I am? I decided to choose Him and choose me. Cuz at the end of the day, the only person responsible for me is me. And the only “person” I owe is Jesus.

When I cried myself to sleep, when I cried so hard I had to lie about why the floor was wet, when I just didn’t want to face life, when I had nothing and nobody to help, the list goes on.

I’m not obligated to anything or anyone. Unlike the disciples who made all of these excuses as to why they couldn’t follow Jesus πŸ—£, well unlike them now cuz I def didn’t have a completely surrendered yes, I will drop anything and anyone to get where I need to go. If I gotta pick it back up later I will.

This body isn’t just a living sacrifice. πŸ—£This life is. The people in it. The things I do. The places I go. I have no time for idols and little gods. I can’t place anything or anyone above the plan of God. I could do certain things and entertain certain people. His permissive will allows that.

But ion like His permissive will NEARLY as much as His perfect one. And I definitely don’t like when I’m not in His will AT ALL.

The Bible definitely says owe no man. And while many may think or just see that as currency, I’m not finna be out here living life any longer like I owe somebody anything. Cuz they didn’t create me, sacrifice for me, save me, keep me, or anything of any more value or significance than what God did.

Live yo life on purpose to tap into the greatness inside of you. It won’t always be easy. Jesus never made that promise. He did promise that it was possible and that He would be with us. πŸ—£ So go be great. We need youuuuuuuu!

Church People Hurt Me

This is a title of one of the books I decided not to write. But I thought about it again just now and there is some merit and value in talking about why I wasn’t a member of a church for a whole daggone decade.

I know I keep repeating some things. But a piece in one spot versus a focus in anova (another) is what you just gone get today. Lol.

By virtue of being born into a family of church people and going to so much church, NEVER by force cuz I LOVED it, the people I was around were the ones with access and opportunity to hurt me.

Also, when I say I never went to church by force? My sister and I were arguing so much when I was in college and she was in or on her way. Our mother threatened to not let us go to a special Friday night service if we didn’t stop. That’s why I said elsewhere that sitting at the house for 10 years wasn’t on my bingo card. πŸ˜‚πŸ€£

I keep having this same conversation with someone about church hurt. They are adamant about the semantics of it. They split hairs by saying the church didn’t do it it was the ppl. Since I’m a fan of semantics, words mean what they actually say, I gotta give that to them. My frustration comes in when they wanna kinda police what people get to be hurt and offended by and how they wanna assign blame.

We don’t get to control the recollection of the trauma of others. We often blame others or act out with others when one, the source of the trauma is no longer around. Or two, there was so much trauma it isn’t always apparent which one caused it because they were all there causing it at the same time.

I was a teenager with a boyfriend at my grandfather’s church. For some reason ppl liked to play matchmaker from birth and I wasn’t the wife on their bingo card. Her aunt lied and said she saw the two of us on the church van. Really?

Nobody was giving either of us a key. I was not dumb enough to steal a key. And I was in one of the sanctuaries cuz I wanted to be in church for Bible Class where I was.

Being part of the pastor’s family after just being a regular church member for almost the first 11 years of my life was TRAUMATIC. Home has some of the why and I’m working on something else that may as well (find it here). 😊 Cuz, I love my guy. But it was A LOT. And we not even gone talk about the woman he married after my grandmother died. Bless her now Lord. Whew.

I found myself attending some super religious and controlling churches. Even some that, by outward appearance, didn’t present that way at first.

I dyed my hair this BOMB shade of red. Somehow the minister of music found out. While I was out shopping for the choir banquet, he told me I couldn’t sing until I dyed it back. That was one thing of so many. Not necessarily with him. But there in that place. It still hurts thinking about what we had to endure. I don’t blame anyone for choices made in response. I just hope Jesus is still alive and well or He is invited back before we close our eyes on this side. Same for people at the other stops along the way.

The next one. My God. I got recruited in a college class my the daughter of the pastors. What did it for me was what she looked like on the outside and how friendly she was. I was desperate to find home again. It was cool at first. Then someone told me I was in a cult. Seriously. I had to tell them where I was all the time if I wasn’t around. They created and cultivated an environment where people, mostly their family, worshipped the ground they walked on. They could do absolutely no wrong.

The pastors were married and she was the more senior or one who was mostly the pastor. He did from time to time. I am 20 at this point. Like social says, funniest stuff be in church.

My guy is preaching and going off on us. He kept saying the word hell and was not using it solely as the place sinners gone bust wide open. So I texted my “friend” and was laughing and said he was borderline cursing.

At the last church I was close to people related to the pastor. We made fun of stuff all the time. My friends and I made fun of my grandfather. Cuz the stuff was crazy and funny at times.

Chiiiii. That was the WRONG thing to do. She told her parents. Her mom talked about it during Bible class. I think the lady even read them. She was angry and the people were shocked, aghast, and upset that someone would DARE say something like that. I’m quite sure the lol and smiley faces were omitted for shock value.

Like a good, little, obedient, trained puppy, I allowed myself to be gaslit into believing I was wrong. I put on my best sad, shame face and apologized to both pastors and their son. Ion know if I did to the daughter. I left soon after. And I acted up eventually. πŸ€¦πŸΎβ€β™€οΈπŸ€·πŸΎβ€β™€οΈ I told her off a time or two on messenger and blocked her so she couldn’t say anything. I still pray for alla these people. Jesus said to.

I ended up going to a church that my grandfather and the one after fellowshipped with. I started wearing skirts exclusively year round with the exception of my job in HS, maybe freshman year of college, and the year n change at the cult church. But chiiiii. This church was my first experience with what some people call chapel veils. Or what others call doilies (spelling πŸ€£πŸ˜‚) for the head. Head coverings people. Lol.

What ya girl is going to do is obey them that have the rule over me. πŸ—£means a Scripture to look up. If da people set standards and I have submitted to the leadership, I’m gone follow what is required. Whether my theology lines up with theirs in full or not. Cuz let me tell you a secret. The Bible doesn’t prohibit pants or jewelry. Someone interpreted it that way and people still go with it. πŸ—£πŸ—£πŸ—£πŸ—£πŸ—£Pray for revelation then research it for yourself.

I loved these people and looked up to some of them. Some even had a singing group. I just wanted to be involved and help. I ended up getting tasked with doing social for the group. Cool. Til one day I was locked out. That was the end of that. I had helped with their first live recording. I was so hurt. It took YEARS for me to be able to listen to their music.

I remember one Sunday we were condemned for tattoos, I was unblemished at the time. At this point I technically have 10 but one has been covered twice. I’m finna get one more too. Bahahahaha.

Leviticus talks about not cutting in the flesh for the dead. πŸ—£ I’m of the mind that this was an instruction based on what they had seen the Egyptians do in service and worship to their gods. The Israelites needed a lot of help and direction. And God wanted a people set apart and different so He gave instructions that set a standard for His chosen people.

As a Gentile who is living in the New Testament that fulfilled the Old Testamant via Jesus (who wasn’t even worried about or concerned with what so many people hang hats on in what he taught), respectfully, if you eat pork and your wife sleeps in the bed with you while she is on her period, please kindly show yourself anywhere but my face with the mess about tattoos. Skirts and jewelry too. Cuz if we ain’t doing ALL of Leviticus and recognizing that EVERYONE wore robes, skirts only, no jewelry, and no tattoos is above me now.

I left. Some other stuff went down too. I sent letters with no return address. I did go back and visit the next time I went back. But I acted up again. Salvation is a process. I had cut my hair, they weren’t a fan then but the ppl be doin it now, and the pastor asked me why.

I told him cuz I wanted to. He just stalked away a lil wounded. I mean. I can see in part why the pastor of the church after my grandfather’s and the female cult pastor told me to watch my mouth. But part of it was because they didn’t like my honesty and questions. The first one didn’t know or forgot that I was preaching at my grandfather’s church. The cult people didn’t know. I wasn’t ready so I wasn’t tellin anyone.

Bruh. This next one. I think I’ve recovered 10 years later. I called him Daddy Bishop (that is soooooo cringe to me now. πŸ€·πŸΎβ€β™€οΈπŸ€¦πŸΎβ€β™€οΈπŸ˜³ Sad, lil hurt 22 year old). By the time I got back to my birthplace, my dad abandoned all responsibility except what was required by law and the graduation gifts. He chose his wife over my sister and me and in an effort to not deal with my mother. That acrimonious marriage from happy happy and I believe something I mentioned in that’s all they know.

He stepped in a void. He supported me. He called me O2 or the second coming of Oprah. He let me talk on his radio show. I still have the cassette recording 12, 13 years later. He was telling me one thing. But, I found out later he may have exposed what I told him in confidence. He was well acquainted with and familiar with my mother. Cuz my family found out some stuff only a couple people knew about. He will not tell me if it was him.

Regardless, we got super close and then, for reasons I don’t know, he started pulling away and treating me differently. It was here that I sat and was angry in the sanctuary. I didn’t want to be there. Was never gonna be there if I had had my way. But I loved him and how he preached. So I stayed though it was not what was best for me. Out of love and obligation I created based on what he had done and who he had been.

Well, he merged his church, the one that reminded me of home, with the church I was born in that he took over for his dad. It didn’t change. I couldn’t do it. Y’all. I left this man’s church before watch night service. I can’t with me. That is nuts and tickles me.

For those who don’t know, that service starts (or used to for some) the evening of December 31st. 9, 10 PM. And it goes overnight to January first. We watch through the night as we leave one year and enter a new one. A lot of places stop service a few minutes before midnight to pray as the clock changes.

So, I left the church at the end of the year but was still in service when the new year started. Team too much. But. Hey.

Some other people left and said he acted funny with them and didn’t talk to them anymore. Even though he had already started pulling away, I just knew that wouldn’t be my testimony. Wrong. That one really hurt. But there was nothing I could do. I did end up going back when he retired. I have reached out a couple of times. Little to no return communication. And that is his right to choose.

After that, I sat at the house a lot. I would visit places for a little while. Nah. I went online sometimes. But mainly, I was just in the house chillin. I prayed. Not like I should. I read my Bible. Not like I should. I had some accountability. I did an okay job maintaining a lack of obviously, overt sin. I failed and fell a couple times.

But the thing is this. I was able to hold on and get back where I should be because of the foundation from home. I shudder to think about what would have happened if some of these places was all I knew. Cuz man.

Yes. People who go to church hurt me. But it was necessary. I believe there’s a Scripture that says something like it was good for me to be afflicted. πŸ—£It made me me for who I was, who I am, and who I will be. It prepared me for all of what my future holds. And I’m a decent human. And this future? Sheesh.

Don’t let what happened make you see yourself as leas than great. God allows it becuase He KNOWS the greatness He placed inside of you. We are all waiting and counting on it. 😊

What Is That

I was having a conversation about legacy and my vision for something I’m putting together for my future. I was talking about the body of Christ and all of the denominations coming together. Somehow, some way, I ended up in Acts 2.

When the people began speaking in tongues in the upper room when they received salvation, the people outside were confused. They were befuddled by the fact that they were different but heard all of their languages. They thought the people were drunk.

My gangsta boo, BFF Peter was like “nah playa. We ain’t drunk like y’all think. We drunk off Jesus. Dis dat fiya (fire) that they talked about. Let me tell you something about this.” And then he went on to preach the single best and most important message anyone besides Jesus preached.

I have been in churches off and on for almost 36 years. I have read Acts 2 COUNTLESS times. I have talked about it. I have written about it. I have thought about it. It is the foundation of my belief system.

Yeeeeeeeeeeet. Never has it hit me like it did today. That’s why people say it is a living document, the living word, the bread of life (I’m fairly confident some of those are actually written in the Bible. You should search and see. Gotta make sure I’m on the up and up after all).

They, and clearly I, say that what it says to you can change depending on when you read it and where you are in life. What it revealed or said to you before can be totally different. It doesn’t change. But our maturity or prayer life or circumstances may cause us to see it with new eyes. My regulars should know that’s true for me. Cuz sis be over here baffled about some of what these fingers tap out. He’s a mighty good God like that. And I’m grateful. Ok. Detour pit stop over.

Jesus died for the sins of the world. πŸ—£I’m just gonna have to act right. That means Scripture to look up. He didn’t die just for His chosen people Israel/Jewish people. πŸ—£He was including and being inclusive of everyone. πŸ—£

Cuz before His death, the Jews were isolated and separate. πŸ—£ I almost said something. But I need yall to know the Holy Ghost won’t let you say errythang that comes to mind. I didn’t always let it be my guide over this little member of a tongue. That’s two πŸ—£πŸ—£. Oh. All things are lawful but not expedient. πŸ—£AKA I could but I shouldn’t.

When He came on the scene, as a Jewish person, He was everywhere with everybody. πŸ—£He set the stage for what we find in Acts 2.

The Bible talks about how the church is one body and many members. Some are arms, legs, feet, etc. That’s where I started when talking about the Christian denominations coming together. And ended up connecting how intentionally inclusive it was of God that the witnesses of the evidence of the promised Comforter were able to identify with the move of God. They were able to “see” themselves in the fulfillment of the promise He made.

His choice opened their hearts and minds via their ears hearing what was familiar to them. By being able to “see” themselves in the people of God, Peter’s job was made easy when he addressed them. What started out as 120 in the upper room led to 3,000 more taking part.

He said He came for everyone and had to make good on that promise. I am fascinated and in awe of the way that He chose to do it. Never read it like that but wow. His wonders truly never cease.

Go be great. He’s great and if we are His disciples we have no choice. He’s waiting. And so are we!

Happy Happy Joy Joy

A lot of people comment on my energy. Some like it and say don’t change. Some say calm down and quiet down.

There are moments when both are the appropriate thing to tell me. I ain’t perfect and I’m never gonna be.

I’ve littered some of these posts with some of what I’m going to say so apologies to the regulars with good memories. Lol.

I’m the product of an acrimonious divorce. I wasn’t seen. I wasn’t heard. I wasn’t valued. I was different and the people who shared DNA with me were not equipped to handle who God made me. Thank God for Lucy and then people He placed in my life to raise me. Even now I still have good help getting to purpose.

Those who should have valued me didn’t. I loved anyway and ended up in friendships, relationships, and situationships where I was still treated like a trash can, a door mat, and an insignificant afterthought.

I think I made myself small because of how I was raised and treated. Then I looked at the arrogance and cockiness in the church and in the spaces I occupied. Ewww. Lol. After consideing this and consulting the Bible, I decided to be humble and don’t feel the need to flex or act like I have accomplished all I have.

I’m a silent assassin. Bahahahahahahaha. I know who I am and where I’m going. I know how smart I am and how much wisdom I have. Cuz I, without knowing what I was doing asked for it and He DEFINITELY gave it to me. I am gone flex a lil in a bit though. It will make sense. Haha.

As a result of focusing on the storms and people around me without a lot of guidance on how to focus on Jesus, I didn’t want to live. I begged God to let me die. More times than I can count. The last time was about three months ago. Because my identity and value was placed with people and not the One who has been there with me all along.

Before I finished the previous paragraph, I was on the phone with my aunt and got some great revelation I’m gonna bring here. This is about to be one of the longer posts. But let’s just take this ride together. Lol. Especially since I thought to myself that I haven’t mentioned much Scripture lately. πŸ€£πŸ˜‚

David was out in the field shepherding his daddy’s animals. While he was dirty, stinky, ignored, and alone, he was being prepared for the palace. He was developing a relationship with God. They had no idea who David was. Cuz if they did he probably wouldn’t have been an afterthought when Samuel came to anoint God’s choice for king. Please go read whatever is Scripture for yourself. Search the internet. Y’all need to hold me accountable. Lol.

When it was time for Goliath to be slayed, they wouldn’t have counted him out and talked down to him because they would have been aware of his track record with God.

Huh. I just had a thought. If David had a better earthly example would he have struggled as much? Cuz buddy went through and that is evident in his Psalms. Would he have messed up as badly with the Uriah and Bathsheeba of it all?

Cuz our earthly relationships affect the one with God. No matter what we’ve built with God, if we aren’t super careful and focused on maintaining it, it is easy to slip into old habits and patterns. I’ve done that too many times to count.

Anywho. David knew who he was and what he had been through when he spoke up about his ability to kill Goliath. He clearly knew better than the did about who he and didn’t waste his time telling them or defending. I mean his heir Jesus is the one who said a prophet is without honor in his own country and he WOULD have performed miracles there….

David tried it their way but couldn’t. He spoke up and said let me do it my way, the way God and I did it. Uniquely. And He killed that man and four others. With improbable tools.

This is what hit me and is interesting. To my knowledge (and my aunt and friend), after David slayed the Philistines, we never hear from or about his father and brothers again. While they helped prepare him for purpose, they appear to be insignificant footnote once he arrives.

Everyone we love can’t go with us. Or can’t go at first. Scripture says to lay aside first weight and then sin that besets us. It would appear, because of the order of words, weight is more important.

Weight must be what aids in or leads to sin. The weight of not having love and what he needed possibly led to David resting in the office of king and doing what he wanted. Cuz he wasn’t where he should have been or praying while resting in his identity as a man after God’s own heart.

Karlissa means consecrated to God and endeared. Set aside for God and to cause to be loved. I have struggled with relationships of all kinds since I received salvation at nine. People love me or like me but inevitably most fall away or off unless I do the work. Or I have been frustrated cuz I gotta do work.

Naaaaaaaaah. I don’t force myself or work hard. I know my value and my worth. I know what I deserve. I don’t play small. I used to say if it was just me and Jesus I would be fine. I’m honestly happier when my circle is smaller. It definitely sucks and hurts to have to be like Jesus in this regard. Cuz my guy chose 12 then narrowed it down to three at times.

When I said yes for real this tome earlier this year, I had to put the people out. Family. Friends of 20, 10, 15, x amount of years. I just couldn’t be distracted. My heart breaks if I think about it for too long.

But if people aren’t aiding and propelling me to purpose, I gotta let em go. I have been some places and made some decisions I wouldn’t have made, didn’t want to make, at the advice of people who wanted things for me that I didn’t want for myself. I died inside and wanted to die trying to please and make folks happy who weren’t happy themselves and were never gonna be happy no matter what I did.

Something curious happened in May though. As soon as I asked to die I rebuked myself. How dare I ask the one who created me and gave me life and has a plan and purpose to just say forget it? How dare I ask the One who was with me and went to Calvary for me to make His time and sacrifice not worth it.

I should have been keeping them out when I put them out before. I should have been building altars. Cuz He was the one who kept the tire from jumping the median and killing all nine of us in the car at the mention of His name.

He was the one who made an F disappear in the ninth grade after I dropped band after panic attacks and hazing so my GPA wouldn’t be trashed.

He was the One that restored my mind that I lost during that time.

He was the One who let my racist teacher go on maternity leave allowing my grade to improve during that time.

He was the One that led me to get up and ask a question when I almost lost my mind again because I couldn’t figure out why I was praying and things were getting worse.

He was the one that led me to ask the right person the right question earlier this year when I put myself in a horrible situation and ran my mouth to too many ppl and had too many voices and almost lost my mind AGAIN.

Those are just a few of the MANY times He was there. I got stories fuh days.

The slew foot thief tried and tried and tried. Cuz he knew if I EVER got here, it was over for him. The same for this entire Joel generation. He knows if we EVER stand up it’s over. That’s why life is so daggone hard for us.

I choose to be happy and have joy. Cuz it’s a good gift from above (that’s Bible). I choose to have peace and faith. All four require work. Especially when you haven’t always had the first three and you ask for whatever to exercise the fourth like He’s a genie or Santa.

At this point, I only want who and what He wants when, where, and how. That’s the only way I’ll have true joy and peace. I ain’t forcing or rushing a thing. I’ve actually stopped purpose.

Preach? Called at 14 started at 16. Did it for a year and a half. Tried to quit and had to leave my grandfather’s church to stop. I wasn’t ready. I don’t go around telling ppl. Especially not several of my previous pastors. It wasn’t time for a pulpit in a building. Still isn’t. But I preach here and wherever I’m led to. Cuz trust. I could get a license tomorrow. Legacy and such.

Song writer? Nasty with words if I say so myself. Lol. Other ppl have told me i do a decent job. I just record what’s on my heart. I know ppl and know ppl who know me or my ppl. Ain’t asked a single person with connects to help. I did offer them to someone who has a record planned who can do what they will. I mean, I was gonna offer them just cuz (for free without the need for a songwriting credit cuz I wanted to sow and I can always write more) and found out they had plans in the works. Timing. And allowing God to do it so He gets the credit.

Lawyer? Soon. Got the degree rolled up the way they gave it to me when I finished school in 2016. I haven’t landed where I will be permanently on this Abraham/children of Israel wanderer life so it hasn’t been time yet. But when it is. Baaaaaaaybeeeee.

Those three things are not the most important parts of who I am. They really are insignificant. It isn’t false humility. I’m not moved or impressed by a job title, church title, or gift. I’m not impressed with or by stuff. I’ve been exposed to all kinds of stuff. I’ve stood in front of hundreds who had to sit and listen as I trained them on the knowledge I acquired at work.

I mean since I’m here. People all over the state had to follow guidelines I wrote and gudance i gave when a answering questions. Aaaaand they are using a new system I helped write the business requirements for to tell them how to code the system. Basically, we wrote what the documents have to say and what the key strokes have to do so the people who make the computer programs set up the system correctly. I’m that chick. Bahahahaha. It’s not thaaaaat big of a deal. It is kinda cool though.

What matters to me is your heart, my heart. How you love. How you serve. How you relate. How you interact. Cuz at the end of the day, the life we lived, the people we impacted, the humility and kindness, and reflection of Jesus is all that matters.

Not chasing money, fame, and the trappings of this world. Sure. Trappings come to some. I fully expect to receive some. But that’s not my goal. My goal is to be a light and a help with everything He’s bringing my way. I wanna give til I can’t give. I wanna empty out to be refilled to empty out again.

Cuz the only difference between me and the stripper, crackhead, wino, and whatever else society looks down on is access, support, and Jesus.

That’s why I’m determined to be wisely transparent and give the people Jesus. Not me.

I feel like I have dropped pieces but didn’t explain my why or how. I think it is in something from 2013-now that I hid. Cuz I ain’t new to this. I’m true to this. Lol. This is super long and thank you and congrats on making it here.

Now that I’ve built this altar, I can’t wait til Sunday to dance, jump, holler, and lay on the floor (that’s my choice of prayer posture. Pretty sure it’s Biblically sound. I’m def not flexing. Cuz that aint a secret in the sanctuary haha). Lol.

He deserves it all every chance I get. And I’m gone give it to Him. Honestly, He’s gone get some of it sooner. Cuz these miracles and making it here is daily worship. But that’s another blog for another day.

Chose joy. Choose happiness. Go be great. We’re all waiting on it, counting on it. Whatever He called you to and purposed you for is necessary and important. Come from under the juniper tree Elijah (more Bible but also this)!❀️😊

He’s A God Of Answered Prayer

Sometimes we do too much. The most. We stay asking for all kinds of stuff. We don’t even remember all the prayers we pray. Cuz we pray seeking what we want and not the perfect will of God.

I have wanted to go home since May. I finally made it the other day cuz I was gonna get my uncle to help me buy a car. I feel like I prayed and got the okay to go. I think I was okay with not getting a car if I couldn’t.

I was set on one particular car. It was trash. So we went to the dealership where I got my last car. I was fairly confident I wasn’t going to be able to get financing cuz of this weird place I’m in in transition and other reasons.

While I sat in the dealership for forever, I came to the conclusion that bus and lyft life would be fine. Eventually, (like maybe after I left) I remembered praying like two years ago about not wanting a car payment and wanting to get rid of my car. I tried to trade with my sister and everything.

It wasn’t time to get rid of it. I still needed the blessing of it that it was when I got it though it was becoming a burden. I determined to have peace about the situation with having to keep the car and then the accident two years later. As a result, I was blessed beyond measure.

I wanted a cash car and was gonna get a payment if I had to. But I couldn’t. God honored the blessing of no car payment. And then I also realized that I am no longer going to be able to do what I do while doing instacart. But I can in the street and on the bus and in the lyft. The hands and feet of Jesus of it all.

Reading John Hannah’s “Just Pray” drove home the scatteredness (chiiiii I probably just made that up. πŸ˜‚πŸ€£ bahahahahaha) of our prayer life and needing to pray His will.

Peace is a gift but we have to work at it some times. Just like faith. If I didn’t seek the why I would have been frustrated about not having a car. Like I said, there are more reasons I’ve discovered. But I am determined to be in His perfect will.

I’m gonna examine me, my previous prayers, and what’s going on in my life to discover His will and maintain my peace. That requires prayer. And He will answer. Cuz He is a God of answered prayer.

Go be great. Someone is counting on it. And it just might be you. 😊❀

#WhatDoesTheBibleSay

I’ve been better about this lil siesta. But there are clearly a few things this turtle needs to pop out for.

The other day I put this hashtag on something I said on Insta and FB.

We do and say so many things that are not Biblical.

We have catchy phrases, nice lil concepts, and all kinds of things.

But, my question to us is, what does the Bible say?

I get He’s an innovative God and we have different methods. That’s not what I’m talking about.

The way we walk out our faith. The way we position and present ourselves. The justification for some of what we do. How we teach and preach Scripture. How we love. How we live our lives. How we interact. How we lead. How we serve.

I have come to the conclusion that I gotta involve God in everything. I’m not as good as I could be yet. But I see progress. And when things go awry, are messed up, I can pinpoint and point to the fact that I didn’t necessarily consult God.

And baaaaaaybeeeee. It is so important in the times we are living in to seek Him for every single thing. No matter how small. He’s in the details.

Case in point. I wanted to share something with someone but this lil isolation siesta prohibited it. But guess what? My pastor mentioned it. That blew me away. I took that to God and He, just a few days later, ensured that the message made it where it needed to go.

He cares about it all and wants it all. The Bible exists for a reason. We should be far more familiar with and far more focused on it than we are. Somewhere it says line upon line precept upon precept. Look that up. I may be out of context. But. Our lives should be guided by and in line with the Bible.

Period.

And if we are confused about the why of it all, simply ask the question I started out with: what does the Bible say?

Go be great. God demands it. He, you, and people in this world are waiting on it, counting on it.

You Can’t Die Here

We sat on the tarmac more than 30 minutes after our departure was scheduled to take place.

I was so tired that I fell asleep and only realized this fact as we prepared to take off.

Once we were in the air, our flight could have been mistaken for a rollercaster ride.

I prayed but then I had some thoughts.

One, Jesus slept on the boat during a storm. Writing this reminds me of when He walked on water during another storm.

Two, I haven’t seen what God said or what God showed me. I can’t die until the words He spoke are manifested in the earth. Cuz His word can’t return to Him void πŸ—£ (that’s some Scripture to look up). It HAS TO accomplish what it was sent to.

So, I closed my eyes and smirked as we shook and bounced as other people expressed discomfort.

I have a peace about everything going on. I simply trust God too much to give too much anxious or negative energy to things. Sure, I take a moment to be confused, hurt, or frustrated.

Then I try to find God in it. Why? What is He trying to teach me? What have I prayed for that this is answering in ways I didn’t expect? How can I be content in the state I find myself in? πŸ—£

It ain’t easy being breezy. I have definitely not handled this perfectly. And I won’t. But I’m trying. And I can see how it is paying off.

Go be great. Someone is counting on it!

Grace – Grateful Part Five

Grateful

Grateful Part Deux

What A Rollercoaster-Grateful Part Tres

Grateful Part Four-The Hurricane

Grace is represented by the number five in the Bible. How appropriate that this ends in five parts.

There is soooooo much I could say about what happened after the hurricane. I can’t even remember it all. And honestly, it really isn’t worth recounting. I’m just gone drop the lil picture of what I posted on social media.

I would love to say life is grand. While so many things are taken care of, I’m still in some stuff. But that is okay. He’s pruning and perfecting me. I like who I’m becoming. So I’m gone stand still and see the salvation of the Lord. That’s Bible y’all.

I am about to go rest, relate, relax, and recharge for the next journey ahead. It’s finna be great but it’s gonna be a dooooooozy. God and I got this though.

Go be great. It may be hard. But it will change your life. And the lives of others. Cuz someone is counting on it.

Can’t Take The Egyptians

I’m in an interesting space right now. I think I’ve made that abundantly clear.

In Legacy, I talked about silencing myself and others around me. I have not been as successful as I could be. But I have had to put the people out. I’m trying to change. It’s a process chiiiiii.

But. I see why. There’s nothing wrong wrong with the people per se.

But they are people who were with me while I was in Egypt.

And many of them are still in Egypt. That’s no shade or condemnation. It’s all they know.

At some point, Moses knew who he really was. πŸ—£πŸ—£πŸ—£πŸ—£πŸ—£ had made a triumphant return. Lol. If you see it that means there is Scripture for you to go look up to ensure that I’m not making anything up. And ya should read it for yourself. Errythang about Moses and Egypt is Scripture though.

Moses defended his people by murdering someone who was raised to consider as his people.

Pause. How often do we, in an effort to survive horrible circumstances intended to kill or harm us, do we go find somewhere, someone, or something that we think will help us just live? Not thrive, but somehow, just make it day to day?

Cuz while Moses probably had abandonment and identity issues, the decision his mother made is still benefiting this world. To. This. Day.

These last two lil blurbs got me heavy in the all things work together for good of it all. πŸ—£

Moses KNOWS it’s a wrap for him. He knows he’s bout to have some problems for his reaction. My pastor preached about childhood trauma and needing to grow up yesterday. Dats Moses here and eventually again in the wilderness a couple times.

His tantrums and unresolved issues led him to break the first set of 10 Commandments and have a more difficult time creating the second set. They led him to not obeying to get water the second time and missing out on seeing the Promised Land despite ALL he did to get them there.

This makes me think of, God forbid, some of us who Jesus foretold about. πŸ—£Some of us are gonna do ALL of this stuff in the name of Jesus. Only to be told on judgment day, go away. I never knew you. May we check our hearts and motives and make sure they are pure and we are really disciples of Jesus. Not just fleshy, self absorbed caricatures operating in witchcraft and manipulation. My pastor has talked about that some for the past two weeks as well.

So Moses knows it’s a wrap and he runs. He gets out of Egypt and ends up somewhere he’s never been doing manual labor he has never had to perform. Prodigal Son much? πŸ—£

Moses has an encounter with God while he is off hiding and running from his mistake. While he is at his lowest, God begins to tell him who he is. God calls out to Moses and tells him who HE says he is. God begins to make all of what has happened to Moses make sense. The One who made him tells him WHY.

Moses is like soooooo many of us. He decided to tell his Creator all the reasons why he couldn’t, shouldn’t, maybe wouldn’t do and be what he was created to be. He disqualified himself. I mean, he had been through a lot. And now he is encountering a bush in the middle of nowhere that is on fire and talking. I’d feel some type of way too.

But THANK God He was like nah playa. I know who you are and I know why I created you and I know what I need you to do.

It would be wonderful to be able to say that things were smooth sailing from then on for Moses. Not. The whole my strength is made perfect in weakness or something like that. πŸ—£πŸ€­ Lol. The way I say some of this tickles even me. πŸ€·πŸΎβ€β™€οΈπŸ€¦πŸΎβ€β™€οΈπŸ€£πŸ˜‚

Buddy STRUGGLES struggles. But da ppl finally make it out of Egypt.

Wait. Moses had to go off and be alone in order to develop his relationship with God. Moses had to endure the struggle of the plagues to develop his leadership skills and develop an ear for the voice of God. What seemed like disappointment and embarrassment was really strength and fortification for the journey ahead through the wilderness.

So. Before they leave Egypt, they get to take a bunch of stuff with them. Gold and all kinds of nice, expensive things they had likely never owned or maybe even seen and touched.

I would love to sit here and express the awe of and revelation in the process of leaving and being in the sea and Pharoah drowning. But this is already a lil long and that’s not why I came. Hahahahahaha.

They left Egypt but Egypt didn’t leave them. I think my pastor mentioned something about the Egypt of it all. I was clearly listening. Hahahahaha. I mean it is coming up again today. But I was busy serving for parts of it so. πŸ€·πŸΎβ€β™€οΈ SMH. πŸ€¦πŸΎβ€β™€οΈ

They wanted to get to where God promised them. But they were holding on to the gods of Egypt. They were holding on to the mindset of Egypt. Could it be that the stuff they took with them from Egypt had the spirit of Egypt attached and it was as though the Egyptians were there with them?

Wow. I have had a difficult relationship with them taking the jewelry off because it was, to me, erroneously (incorrectly) used as justification for why we shouldn’t wear jewelry as Christians. But could it be thay they had to melt and make an idol out of it to be rid of the last physical reminders of Egypt?

How can we take people and things that have had us bound or reminders of what bound us where we are going? The people who hurt us and refused to see us? The people who are distracting and hindering us from getting to purpose?

Moses took nobody with him as God prepared him for purpose. When. It. Was. Time. When God had done enough work in him, Moses went back and ushered them from bondage.

But they were human. Including Moses. They did what we do. They didn’t build enough altars. They didn’t focus enough on the Helper on the hill. πŸ—£ (The Scripture to search in the King James Version is I will lift up mine eyes to the hills….). They didn’t focus on the One on the water who uttered the word come. πŸ—£

They looked at what was around them. Because they didn’t consider the miracle that was their very existence, every person who left Egypt died in the wilderness and never saw the Promised Land. They never embraced who God said they were. They never accepted their identity. They kept the Egyptians with them.

Oh but Joshua and Caleb. They understood who they were. They took stock of the miracles and caught the vision God gave Moses. They did what nobody else could. They embraced being different and seeing God differently. They made the hard choice to be available to their identity and what God said. What God showed them.

I don’t see it recorded. But my guys had to have struggled. Cuz it’s hard for fish to swim upstream. They didn’t doubt. They didn’t waiver. And after Moses departed the earth, Joshua took up his mantle and ushered the people into what he saw. My God. This is so good to me. So necessary for ME.

May we trust what He said. May we trust what He showed us. May we embrace and accept what the One who made us says about us and reject what we say or have been told. May we take every excuse, insecurity, and disqualification to the Creator of masterpieces and let Him assemble the work of art He created us to be. May we build altars and submit to the process of being melted into gold, burned into pottery, and cut into sacrifices that smell sweet in His nostrils.

Go be great. You should be counting on it. God is. Someone is.

Legacy

I’m doing so well this week with not writing. Lol.

Apologies in advance to the regulars. Cuz I’m sure I’m going to be repetitive.

I moved for the millionth time in June. I really prayed and sought God. I mean, most times I have. I’m just out here like Abraham. I feel like every one was preparation to make the move I had to make. And the ones to come. Smh lol.

I made the hard, difficult decision to once again let people go. But this time, it was people I never thought I’d refrain form communicating with. I know I hurt hurt one person.

But, I know where I’m going. And I fully surrendered to it. I had to silence myself. I had to silence the voices around me so I could hear God clearly.

While I am transparent on here, I haven’t told all of my business like I used to. I hid most of the blogs I’ve written since 2013. I left the ones up from May forward. Because I changed in May. For real for good. I have stutter-stepped to this place. But ya girl is here for good.

I told y’all that I wrote a book that was trash that wouldn’t see the light of day. I thought my transparent testimony required spilling every minute detail. I was of the mind that if they didn’t want anybody to know they shouldn’t have done it.

I received grace. My middle name means God is gracious. But I wasn’t handing out the grace love requires. I love my family. But my family has hurt me and I haven’t always felt loved.

But something happened in the past two months that led to the grace and decision to barely mention my family. I prayed. For real. I had no peace.

As I wrote about them in yet another version of the same trash book (at least three chiiii), I really looked at our past. As descendants of enslaved people. I considered all of the info I knew about my mom’s grandparents. Then my grandparents. Then my parents. Then my aunts, uncles, sister, and cousins. That’s how I ended up with That’s All They Know-Keep Building.

I had a couple conversations with one of my cousins then we had a conversation with my mom. It made me see my grandfather in a whole new light and me as his legacy this morning. Cuz I’ve been talking about it to embrace it. But something totally different hit me today.

I didn’t care for a lot of stuff growing up and I was super judgmental. But theses past two months have made me see him so much better. I am so proud to be his granddaughter. I am truly striving to be like him. I see how much like him I am.

It’s crazy what some transparency will get you. This is why I have been saying if people were open the ones behind them wouldn’t fall or if they do they wouldn’t stay in shame. This broadens that. Maybe I would have come to this place far sooner had the whole story been laid out without an interrogation versus me drawing my own inferences and conclusions from things mentioned in passing.

Anywho. That’s neither here nor there. I owe da ppl an apology. Ima give them one. I didn’t handle my feelings well. I mean I asked for things that they refused to give. But just because I want them and see what could be doesn’t mean they do. And I can’t force people to see what I see or to want to change.

I wholeheartedly believe there is healing coming. Conversations will be had. Childhood hurts that have grown and been passed down will be unearthed and destroyed. I just have to let God be God and trust in the timing of it all.

Cuz I want us to love love, not dictate and control. I want us to be free and not be hypersensitive or easily offended. I want us to believe motives are pure and there is nothing behind it and no agenda. I want us to walk out the Bible not religion or tradition or what we were taught. But what the Bible actually says.

While our theology will never merge, I aspire to be so much like my grandfather. I aspire to proudly proclaim who he is and pick up some stuff that he left here in the earth. Ima definitely do it differently. But I exist because of him. I’m gonna stand on his shoulders and keep building what he started.

Go be great. Someone’s counting on it.

Ridin’ On E

I was listening to William McDowell’s “Give Us Your Heart”. While talking, he discusses being empty when he gets to heaven. This made me think of William Murphy’s “Empty Me”. And now I thought of Jonathan Nelson’s “Fill My Cup Lord I Need Thee Every Hour”. And now, lol smh, I thought about Milton Brunson and The Thompson Community Singers’ “I’m Available To You”.

All of these deal with us being emptied and pouring out to God or our purpose.

But first, we gotta empty ourselves. We gotta remove sin, iniquity, and flesh. In order to empty a purpose, we gotta empty anything that would stand in the way of doing it. We have to be holy because He is holy. πŸ—£ That’s Scripture to look up. Check it out please. I need you to see it for yourself.

We have to be sanctified. We have to be purified. Both of those pop up so πŸ—£πŸ—£. Lol. In order to do great exploits for Him and in His name we gotta look like Him. So we gotta go through what He went through.

No romantic, cute, fluffy stuff over here. His life and sacrifice on the cross were not easy. But He did it to show us we could too. He left a Comforter. And He left a Book full of guidance. Ya know. The Bible.

So, we empty out and and we figure out what we are carrying. It is imperative, a must, super important that we go after what we were created for. That we empty out every call, purpose, vision, talent, idea, whatever that He gives us.

I’m not joking when I say go be great someone is counting on it. What He placed inside of us is not for us or even just for the people in the churches we attend.

Jesus said go to the highways and hedges and compel, call, men to come. πŸ—£ He made disciples who he expected to make other disciples. πŸ—£ The whole light of the world and salt of the earth of it all. πŸ—£πŸ—£

We need it. We gotta be empty for ourselves to be in His perfect will. I firmly believe our joy and peace depends on it. Jeremiah said if he would even consider not saying what God wanted him to say it would be like fire shut up in his bones. πŸ—£

Wanna know why you are depressed or uncomfortable for no real reason you can put your finger on?

You sat down at a table and ate too much and are too full. And until something comes out up or down, you will be in misery.

So, like my person who blogs here says, as it is in the natural, so it is in the Spirit. There is a discontent when we know what we should do but aren’t doing it. While the author of the Scripture likely meant sin sin when he said to him that knows to do good and does it not it is sin, da ppl say partial obedience is still disobedience.

I was reading John Hannah’s “Just Pray” and he discussed the fact that while Nathan took a while to come to David about the Uriah and Bathsheeba of it all, David was writing Psalms about the misery of his sin. He said that’s why when Nathan confronted him, David went to God.

Please, please, please don’t contribute to what someone said is the wealthiest place. The cemetery. Because it is full of unrealized talent, dreams purpose, and potential.

I know I’m wearing y’all out about how hard things are. It’s just temporary but a theme. Lol. I’m okay with the pruning, the emptying out. Cuz I know what I’m being filled with. I know why. Because I know what I’m carrying and where I’m going. It’s gonna get better soon. Legit.

So. GO BE GREAT. SOMEONE IS COUNTING OOOOOOON IIIIIIIT!

Keep Moving

I reaaaaaaaally probably should have already published this. If not for all the Scripture references, I would probably trash it and move on since I’ve mentioned all of this recently. Oh. Well. Lol.

Sometimes the miracle is getting up after you wake up.

I would really like to just stay on the house and pull the covers up over my head.

I have absolutely no control over anything right now.

If I’m honest, despite the altar and track record of our relationship, I’m still human and stressed.

This is a HARD hard season.

One of the most difficult stages of pregnancy, so I’ve been told, is labor.

The contractions.

The pain.

The pressure.

I have quit at this point in other seasons.

I ain’t gone lie.

But, writing this, I was reminded of rhe prayer my pastor prayed a couple weeks ago. He used the pregnancy analogy/metaphor. Chiii I googled and still don’t know if analogy or metaphor is the right one to use. Lol. Smh.

He prayed that we wouldn’t quit on our purpose.

He prayed that we wouldn’t abort.

He prayed that there wouldn’t be stillbirth.

He prayed that we would go full term.

Things are often the hardest RIGHT before everything falls into place and comes together.

Again, if I’m honest, I’ve been in my present situation a time or two before. I remember how bad it got. I desperately do not want to endure that again.

However, because I came out victorious, because He clearly prepared me for now, I know how this HAS to end.

I’m entitled to feelings. It’s what I do with those feelings. It’s how I talk about what’s going on. It’s how I make moves in light of what’s going on.

Quite honestly, I need Him second by second. He’s allowing all of this. The enemy knows what’s up too.

He’s asking a lot and requiring a lot. I’m having to change a lot. Chiiiii. It’s just a lot. These next lines are Scripture til I say when. Please go look them up.

Buuuuuut. His word is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path.

I have a High Priest who understands.

If I don’t lean to my understanding, but, acknowledge Him in ALL my ways, He will direct my path.

He knows the way I take.

His thoughts and ways are not mine.

His plans for me are good.

Weapons form but don’t prosper.

I cand do ALL things.

Greater is HE that is in me.

So, I’m gone keep building myself up on my most holy faith.

I’m gone keep looking to the hills where my help comes from.

I’m gone keep looking to Jesus-the author AND finisher of my faith. Aight. This was the last one.

Cuz like Tye Tribbett and G.A. sang, I have NO OTHER choice but to trust Him. That’s all I can do.

Go be great. Someone is counting on you.