Tag Archives: give up

How?!

I had all the plans to end my unintentional sabbatical earlier than the month I decided on-with the exception of that post the other day.

I was gonna write about Passover, Palm Sunday, Good Friday, the crucifixion, the death, the burial, the resurrection. All that good stuff.

But I didn’t. And I won’t. I reflected and am so very grateful. I will post about what, to me, all of that resulted in.

During Passover after Palm Sunday, I was driving and saw a car behind me. I’d post the pic but I shouldn’t have even taken them and they don’t clearly show what I saw.

Anywho.

The hood was jacked up. I think the lights may have been messed up too. The thought I had was how is it even driving.

Then I went down a hole to a degree like I do.

How are some of us even functioning? Now. We may not show outward damage like that car.

But. Life has done a number on so many of us. It is mind blowing how some of us are in our right mind, how we function, how we put one foot in front of the other. How, when giving up and giving in is so much easier and who would blame us?

But the finished work at the cross. The determination Jesus had to do what he came to do despite asking if it was possible for the cup to pass from him (Matthew 26:39).

Jesus was our perfect example to keep going in the face of seemingly insurmountable circumstances. He did it so we could. God promised to be with us in Isaiah 43:2. And sent his son to show us how He is with us. Then sent a comforter to be with us (John 14:16, 14:26, 15:26, and 16:7). So. I guess that’s how.

Love is Part Deux

Love is patient
Love is kind
Love laid down its life
Love denied itself
Love put on what it hates
Love forgave me
Love chased me
Love waited for me
Love told me no for a better yes
Love won’t let me go
Love won’t leave me alone
Love won’t give up on me
Love sees me
Love hears me
Love chooses me
Love is relentless
Love is perfect

Clean or Nah

First off. These are huge. Second. There are pictures of dirt and trash. Look away if you want. It will make sense in the end.

I was at someone’s home who has a dog. But the dog gets sick if it eats random crap. In order to let the dog be free and not get fussed at for eating stuff, I decided to vacuum the floor where the dog is allowed to roam.

As I vacuumed, it seemed like it wasn’t picking up what I was vacuuming. As you can see below, the tank looked empty. I was confused. So, I took it off and looked inside. All of that clumped stuff in the middle was in the hole on the vacuum and in the part that connects one of the hoses.

Since I cleaned the vacuum, I decided to just sweep up what was left after picking up the clumps. No need in dirtying up what I had JUST cleaned with the same dirt.

I put the vacuum back together and swept the carpet. I took the vacuum apart again and this is what I saw.

Now at first, I thought maybe I had missed all of that in the tank. But when I looked at the pictures again, I didn’t think that was the case. I think that is a bunch of dog hair.

That is what the filter looked like. I had a bag less vacuum and when it got dirty I washed off the filter. I decided to do that this time too.

I think I failed to upload a pic. Ion care. I’m not going to. Just know, it looked better when I applied water before applying any soap. This pic is after water and soap.

I told the person I washed it and they questioned me since it was going to get dirty again. They said they never thought to clean it. I let them know that I had before and at least it would be clean.

I have had several thoughts and lessons flit, come through my mind while typing this and intially forever ago when I created the post.

First of all. We may look clean but there is a whole lot of mess and stuff in us. If we don’t clean it out we will not work properly. Huh. Sounds similar to what I just wrote in Still There. This was a draft before that. I guess I had the same thought again though since it got published first.

Second. If there is more than one way to do something, and you have made progress with one way, why not try it another way? Aaaaaand. If you have cleaned up one area, don’t just mess it up again because it is easy to do what you have done.

I could have just vacuumed up the leftover dirt from pulling the packed dirt out. But why? A broom and dust pan is just as effective. I didn’t just do what was easy or what I had done and plug it back in and vacuum it back up.

Third. If we do use the same methods, go the same way, we may just have to clean again. But in a different way. Some different issue or consequence will arise. We don’t necessarily reap the way we sow or reap the same way we have reaped before (Galatians 6:7-8). I used the same vacuum on a different surface in a different area. I thought I missed the dirt. But, upon further inspection, it was different dirt in a different area of the vacuum.

Fourth and finally, just because all looked well and clean, that was NOT the case. In the pic of the trash can, it appears that the filter may just be dirty from the way I dumped the tank. However, upon further inspection when I flipped it, it was FILTHY. It was hidden.

What are we hiding? What have we cleaned some, cleaned one way, given to God some, given to Him one way but left dirty, held on to? He knows it ALL. Just give it ALL to Him. He wants it. He can handle it. Let Him be God! Let Him give us what He has promised us!

Galatians 6:9 (KJV) promises us good news: let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not.

I did not give up. I kept looking and made sure I found all of the dirt. I didn’t wash or wipe the whole thing. Just the filter. But my diligence, persistence, the fact that I kept going, ensured that the vacuum was cleaner and capable of functioning properly. Unlike the condition I found it.

Fooling with the vacuum wasn’t that hard. Examining myself sometimes is. I don’t always wanna act right. I don’t always wanna say the right thing. I just wanna be in my lil fleshly feelings. I mess up.

However, I am doing the hard work of trying to emulate, be like my friend, my brother, my lord, my savior, my Jesus. It has not been easy. It has hurt. It has been confusing. Like why that thang was dirty but I saw nothing.

But guess what? I see change. I see growth. I am obtaining the fruit of the spirit. I am hearing from God and getting alla this revelation in ways I wasn’t before.

I am cleaning my life, my relationships, my emotions, my mind, what I consume (entertainment, food, and conversation). I am making room and space for my relationship with Jesus.

Like I said the other day, it looks a mess on the outside. But, to me, this is the best life I have lived thus far. I’m content in the state I find myself in (Philippians 4:11).

I’m Alive

I’m sitting in God’s beautiful creating in a temp that has dropped to 35. It’s 10 at home. So there’s that…

I’m listening to Rich Tolbert Jr.’s song Alive. Lyrics below.

God knows the plans he has for us, great plans
He controls it all
The reason why we’re alive is because God is in control
Hmm the reason why there’s more, the reason why there’s a next
Is because God is in control, hallelujah, thank you JesusGod knows the plans
He has for me
He knows the thoughts
He thinks toward me
And nothing is an accident
I’m alive, because there’s more
C’mon
God knows the plans
He has for me
He knows the thoughts
He thinks toward me
And nothing is an accident
I’m alive, because there’s more moreI’m alive, I’m alive, I’m alive, I’m alive
And this is not an accident
I’m alive, because there’s moreGod knows the plans (God knows the plans)
He has for me (he has for me)
He knows the thoughts
He thinks toward me
And nothing is an accident
I’m alive, because there’s moreGod knows the plans (God knows the plans)
He has for me (he has for me)
He knows the thoughts
He thinks toward me
And nothing is an accident
I’m alive, because there’s moreI’m alive, I’m alive, I’m alive, I’m alive
And this is not an accident
I’m alive, because there’s more
(Sing I’m alive)
I’m alive, I’m alive, I’m alive, I’m alive
And this is not an accident
I’m alive, because there’s moreHe didn’t let me die, let me die
(He didn’t) let me die, let me die
And this is not an accident
I’m alive because there’s moreHe didn’t let me die, let me die
Let me die, let me die
And this is not an accident
I’m alive because there’s moreThis is not the end, not the end
(This is not) the end, not the end
And this is not an accident
I’m alive because there’s moreThere is more, there is more
There is more, there is more
And this is not an accident
I’m alive, because there’s moreAnd I am not an accident
I’m alive, because there’s more
And I am not an accident
I’m alive, because there’s moreI’m alive, because there’s more
I’m alive, because there’s more
I’m alive, because there’s more
I’m alive, because there’s more
I’m alive, because there’s more
I’m alive, because there’s more
I’m alive, because there’s more
I’m alive, because there’s more
I’m alive, because there’s more
I’m alive, because there’s moreI’m alive, because there’s more
I’m alive, because there’s more
I’m alive, because there’s more

I know that’s a lot. This song resonates with me.

I’m fairly confident some post on here references this, but there was a time I prayed to die. Life wasn’t worth living to me.

How crazy that I would ask God to destroy His own creation. It was rough. I was depressed and the people around me made me feel worthless, as though nothing about me was good enough.

I’ve also been in multiple car accidents and some near misses.

If left up to me and the enemy, I would be dead.

God said no. There was more.

If the holidays and this 2020 life have you considering ending it all, don’t. I promise it gets better. Try Jesus. Best decision I’ve ever made!