I told someone about that last post. They went in on me. I didn’t say much back. I had thoughts but didn’t share them.
First, I said we as Christians in the post. I probably should have said some of us. The we I was talking about is the we I know personally.
I was told that Christmas is the only time some people all gather collectively. I was told that’s when people forgive and heal and mend.
I was told that coming together honors God because he’s about family. I was told that it is a time of love-or something like that.
I was told that there are people who focus solely on Jesus or their higher power around the world.
I think I was told that it shouldn’t be all Jesus and praying and calling his name all day.
I said Happy Winter Solstice. I was told that the solstice is steeped in witchcraft. I said that makes the addition of Christmas at that time of year WORSE!!!!!
I was told more but don’t remember.
Again, I was a slight punk and didn’t respond much. I was told that I had a point after all of the other stuff.
My reply now? Why are we waiting until the whole year has passed to make time for our family? If God is all about family, should we not make more time?
Why are we waiting until the whole year has passed to mend and heal and forgive? Should we not be loving on each other more?
The big one. Why can we not take a day, a fast of sorts, not at Christmas cuz ya know, to sit in the miracle that is the birth of Jesus?
He did, and does, SOOOOOOOOO much for us. The sacrifice of a day meditating, living solemnly, with what he did ever before our minds seems like a small thing in the grand scheme of things.
But hey. That’s just me. Different strokes for different folks.
I am a rebel of sorts. Just because it’s been done a certain way forever doesn’t mean it has to be that way forever.
There are things I examine and question. If it doesn’t make sense, I’m not down for it.
I’m not here for perpetuating stuff cuz it “worked” for someone else. I could care less if I’m the odd one out.
I’ve tried fitting in. It still didn’t go well. So. I have decided to just do me while others do them.
I sent those sentences as two separate texts to someone today.
I was in a whole situationship with this person for a few weeks the past couple months.
It was bananas. It went super fast and ended faster. I knew trouble was brewing three days in.
I learned some stuff-good and bad about myself. It honestly made me better.
I asked for closure that never came.
So, color me surprised to receive a text three weeks and four days later that said good morning.
A plethora of things ran through my mind and out of my mouth.
But, like I told my friend, I had my good Holy Ghost on.
I have learned to think and be calculated, not in a sinister way, in my responses to people.
Cuz everything one wants to say isn’t the best thing to say.
I’m trying to represent Christ well. Especially to this person.
True, to my feelings, emotions, and people who love me, he doesn’t deserve it.
But, like I asked my friend, did I deserve grace, new mercies today?
I told her it is a mutually beneficial situation, not from him though. I am storing up treasure in heaven. I am setting up some good reaping. Maybe it’s diminished some by talking about it. I dunno.
I told her vengeance is the Lord’s and he will repay. I told her about what Jesus said, blessed are ye when…
I just want this person to be okay. I want this person to be won to Christ. They were raised basically the same way as me. They endured some things. They chose a different way than me. I was fine with it. There were some other things, maybe related to the different way they chose, that were not fine with me. They didn’t make it difficult to walk.
Despite the poor treatment and ill feelings, I left the door open. I don’t know if they realize what kind of door is open. I don’t think they realize how crazy it is for them to act like nothing happened after what they did. My friend said she may need the Holy Ghost again cuz I’m more patient than her. She wants me to just leave him alone.
My feelings say leave him alone. My hurt says block him again. But my heart says he may just need something I have. I forgave him.
These feelings, this flesh, has me torn. I don’t wanna be a doormat or get played like I was. I don’t believe Christians should be martyrs and just take whatever from whoever. There’s just something inside of me, I hesitate to say God cuz I don’t wanna put anything on Him that isn’t Him, telling me to show him the love of God.
I told my friend I wish people would have been patient with me when I was in a similar state. I wish people would have been there for me or given me the benefit of the doubt. I’m, hard as it may be though I’ve continued praying for him, gonna tread lightly and respond when he chooses to reachout.
I’m just not getting back into a situationship. I refuse to go down that path. Fool me once, okay multiple times but all back to back, shame on you. Fool me twice shame on me. I ain’t here for the shame. Lol.