Kinda a mixed bag. But that’s humans and life right?
In May or June, it’s a lil fuzzy at this point, I told God yes for real. I was a lil combative about it. Lol. I didn’t like my life. I didn’t want to end up like some people I was around.
So I told Him that He could have whatever He wanted. He could do and take whatever. I was done playing around with what He said and what He showed me.
Hell broke loose. Not all at once. It was kinda great at first. But then things started going off the rails. Then they got a lil better. Then they went completely crazy. I’ve talked about some of it.
But, that yes I fussed and yelled and gave in my car outside the place I was living at the time, is the most important and best yes I gave. It was the impetus, the catalyst, the thing that is setting me on course to collide with purpose.
The yes I gave isn’t the yes I intended or what it turned into. However, it was the yes I was created for.
I had no idea what I was walking into once I made moves, choices, changes, decisions based on the yes.
These blogs since May have been the best writing I have ever done. But it is because I have become the best me I have ever been.
I was watching a message and the pastor was talking about olive juice. He described the process and said an olive had to be crushed and it’s nature or composition (chiii something like that 🤷🏾♀️🤦🏾♀️) has to be changed in order to get the oil to flow from it. If that doesn’t sum up the back half of 35 for me I don’t know what does.
I think this paraphrased (how I remembered it but didn’t look too hard for the correct version 🤷🏾♀️) Scripture may too: the Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away. Blessed be the name of the Lord. Job 1:21. I didn’t even remember which book just the words. Bahahahaha. But it is so appropriate.
Why? Because I’ve held on to the fact that God has allowed everything. I put myself in Job’s shoes and was of the mind that God asked the enemy to consider me. He knew I could handle it. He trusted me.
Every aspect of my life has been put through something. I mean every. And I had to sacrifice and surrender it all. Including my will and desires.
I’ve seen how I’ve grown. I’ve seen how prayer (and sleep lol) has become the true solution. Not prayer and then react or do something. Prayer (and sometimes frustration) while waiting to see what God is going to do to, for, or through me.
Cuz I got a good good prayer and a good good word when all of this started popping off. Part of it was about being prepared for what God would do through me. Boy. Has He been doing stuff.
I am excited for the journey. I’m excited, weirdly, for the difficulty. I mean the Bible does tell us to be. Cuz like the people say, if you’re not going through anything you don’t make hell nervous.
I’m quite certain that for most of my life the enemy has taken issue with me evey time I open my eyes. Cuz He had to have been given a preview. And baby this life has been a trip since I received salvation at nine. I’m sure my loose lips aided in his intel. His attempts were unsuccessful.
I’m excited to see how God is going to be God. How He’s gonna allow what He spoke and showed me to manifest. How we are gonna have to fight to get me there. How He’s going to move, bless, and perform miracles. How He’s going to use me. How He’s going to grow me-painfully at times I’m sure. How He’s going to stretch me. The no I’m gonna get from Him to be able to get the yes.
I know I’m not gonna like it at times. I know I’m gonna be hurt and frustrated at times. I know me and I’m human. But I’m gone remember our track record. I’m gonna build altars. Cuz if I trust Him I have to trust Him. He knows the way I take (that’s a Scripture to look up. Here’s the lil emoji 🗣. Lol). He has plans. 🗣 His thoughts and ways are higher. 🗣 His ways are past finding out. 🗣 There is no searching of His understanding. 🗣
What I do know is that He is always with me. 🗣It’s down, in prayer, to go up from heeeeeeeeere!
Go be great. Someone is counting on it. Lives depend on it. Success and answered prayers depend on it. Peace and joy depend on it. Eternity depends on it. You can do it!