Tag Archives: feelings

Still There

I was cleaning the other day and there was rice everywhere in the pantry. I pushed it off of what it was on onto the floor. Some of it had already spilled and I needed to clean the floor anyway.

When I was done cleaning and it was time to clean the floor I couldn’t see the rice but I knew it was there.

I swept the floor and, as I knew, I gathered rice.

The point of my being in the pantry is because there was disorganized chaos.

We have a whole lot of stuff we can’t see because our lives and minds aren’t organized. Here I go with this again.

We haven’t taken stock and inventory of what is going on with us. We have trauma and pain, hurt and confusion, disappointment and abandonment hidden among so many other things.

That was the initial route I was going with this. But, while writing, the age old adage that is ever true came to mind. Even when we can’t see Him, what we know to be true, is that God is always there.

We have all of this mess and stuff that we need clean. We name it and put it out there. Or stuff we need. We know we place our petitions before Him.

But He isn’t moving quickly enough. Or at all. Or we just don’t see Him in the process.

Then all of a sudden here comes something “big” (big cuz it may be small but the smallest things can be big in the moment), like a broom to a pile of dirt, comes along and shows us God was there all along. Just like we knew. Just like He said He would be.

I didn’t publish this the other day and stopped writing because I was tired and felt like this didn’t make much sense. It still may not. I think the organization may be off. I dunno. But, this is just a thoughts post. Perfection is never my aim. I think all of it is important. Hopefully it makes enough sense.

The point is two fold. Just because we can’t see our issues and mess does not mean that they are not there. We need to clean it up so God can use us. We don’t use partially clean stuff in our lives why would God want to use a partially clean life for His glory? Especially when NOTHING about Him is unclean. And when nothing, no thing is hidden. He already knows. Just tell Him and let Him help and guide us into cleaning it up. Things will always be a bit off until we do anyway.

Second, though we may not be able to see Him, or trace Him as some say, the Word gives us a promise. He will never leave or forsake us (Hebrews 13:5 KJV). He keeps His promises. It may seem like all is lost and He has abandoned or forgotten you.

Look at Job. He was there. He allowed Job to go through it because He knew Job and knew he could handle it. That’s the not allowing us to be tempted more than we can bear in 1 Corinthians 10:13.

I’m sure Job had more feelings than we see-despite seeing a lot of them. But God knew that he could handle the loss and the temptation to walk away from Him. He questioned God. He expressed his feelings. God could handle the messiness of it.

Then God reminded Job who He was. Job gathered himself and got it together. Then God blessed him with even more than before. God knew what He was doing, who He was gonna get His glory from.

Valleys don’t exist without mountains. Mountains don’t exist without valleys. But God is the Creator and God of them ALL.

The Carpenter’s Son

I really thought I was done for the day. I mean. I can find revelation in just about anything. But,I have never written and/or published this many blogs in one day. Must be somethin bout this 7th day. Completion and perfection or whatever. Anywho.

My auntie was singing this song, I Know it Was The Blood:

1 I know it was the blood,
I know it was the blood,
I know it was the blood for me.

Refrain:
One day when I was lost
He died upon the cross.
I know it was the blood for me.

2 They whipped him all day long,
They whipped him all day long,
They whipped him all day long for me. [Refrain]

3 They pierced him in his side,
They pierced him in his side,
They pierced him in his side for me. [Refrain]

4 He never said a mumblin’ word,
He never said a mumblin’ word,
He never said a mumblin’ word for me. [Refrain]

5 He hung his head and died,
He hung his head and died,
He hung his head and died for me. [Refrain]

6 He’s coming back again,
He’s coming back again,
He’s coming back again for me. [Refrain]

I started to say what I’m gonna write. I think I had already told her I was done. I know I told her this was the most and a lot. But the lady gassed me up. Real churchy. Talmbout that’ll preach and you’re walking real heavy. So here goes.

Some of this came from a messaage years ago. I don’t remember when or who and all that was said.

But. Tonight I asked my auntie if she realizes how. ntentional God was for Jesus to be born to a carpenter. He had to hear wood, the thing he came to die on, be manipulated, nailed, sawed, every single day until he was 30 and went into public ministry.

He had to have been taught his father’s trade. He could have been born to a publican, a priest, a levite, a fisherman, anybody else. But he was born to a carpenter. He had to be reminded of his mission daily.

Now this is for sure from the message. The preacher said something like could you imagine Jesus, as a baby, breastfeeding, hearing the sounds of Joseph with the wood and stopping to take note. Crazy.

I’m so glad it happened. However it happened. I’m so glad Jesus did it despite his human feelings, asking if the cup could pass but giving us the perfect example to accept the will of God in spite of ourselves and our feelings.

I’m really done now. I did Proverbs early so I wouldn’t be on here late and sleepy. Yet, here I am at almost 11. Ha. You’re gonna have to find the Scriptures yourself on this one. Lol. But it’s been a good God day!

No Jonah Part Two

I just had to gather myself.

Someone said I hope everything goes great.

I almost said it’s gonna go.

I course corrected and said it will.

I have to fix my mouth and my attitude.

If God sent me He is going to go before me and make the crooked places straight (Isaiah 45:2).

Life and death are in my tongue (Proverbs 18:21).

Woman’s promised son was dead. She went to the man of God. She didn’t complain. She started off telling people it shall be well. As she got closer to the prophet, she said it is well. Even though her son lay dead, she didn’t speak what she saw. She spoke what she knew to be possible after having a son she never expected to have. (2 Kings 4:8-37)

Just because I know how it has been doesn’t mean I know how it will be.

I have to make God big. Bigger than me. Bigger than my feelings. Bigger than my assumptions. Bigger than my circumstances.

Because nothing is too hard for him (Jeremiah 32:27).

Wind and Waves

Life isn’t all sunshine and roses despite the beautiful locale and awesome revelation.

I have two specific situations that I am not a fan of. I really wanna give the assignments back to God.

I told Him as much. My relationship with God is truly like some I have with his humans.

I tell him everything. Especially when what’s going on, and at times Him specifically, if I’m honest, is getting on my nerves.

People say He can’t heal what we don’t reveal. I give Him all of it. He already knows. But, He wants me to tell Him and give it to Him.

I’ve run away from one of the situations before. Honestly, if I try and it doesn’t get better, I chuck the deuces. I tried to run away from the other situation after basically being left holding the bag alone.

However, for reasons known and unknown, there’s more for me and those involved in these situations.

The disciples found themselves in at least two storms with Jesus.

He was asleep during one storm (Mark 4:38-40). Jesus questioned their fear because he was on the boat.

In the other storm, the disciples didn’t recognize him at first (Matthew 14:25-32). Then Peter, ever the brave, outspoken, slightly reckless disciple, was the only one willing to engage in the miracle and get out of the boat.

But, he got distracted by the storm. Jesus chastised his doubt. The wind and waves calmed as soon as they got on the boat.

The thing to note is that Jesus was there. He allowed them to experience the wind and waves. Then, he showed them that as long as he is present he has the power to help them through.

He quieted the wind and waves after he awoke from his sleep. He saved Peter after he called to Jesus while he was sinking.

My situations are slightly overwhelming to my feelings, emotions, and carefully cultivated peace.

I’m not a fan of the disruption, wind, and waves they are bringing currently and forecasted for the future. I know the forecast because I know what I have to do. Again, not a fan.

I’m in the boat with Paul-I’d love for Him to remove the thorn. But, now as then, His grace is sufficient (2 Corinthians 12:9-10). I would love for this cup to pass like Jesus requested before his death (Matthew 26:39). But, my refrain is the same. His will not mine. Ugh.

I know one thing for sure and two things for certain. He is with me. I will make it through. And He will get the glory.

After all, wind and waves are mechanisms to propel boats forward to their destinations. There is just some wind and some waves that are more preferable than others. I would definitely prefer some different ones.

Alas, all things work together for good (Romans 8:28). He has plans to prosper me (Jeremiah 29:11). I can do all things because he strengthens me (Philippians 4:13). I won’t drown (Isaiah 43:2).

*edit* it is JUST like God ro allow a storm today…

Why? Did you text me today?

I sent those sentences as two separate texts to someone today.

I was in a whole situationship with this person for a few weeks the past couple months.

It was bananas. It went super fast and ended faster. I knew trouble was brewing three days in.

I learned some stuff-good and bad about myself. It honestly made me better.

I asked for closure that never came.

So, color me surprised to receive a text three weeks and four days later that said good morning.

A plethora of things ran through my mind and out of my mouth.

But, like I told my friend, I had my good Holy Ghost on.

I have learned to think and be calculated, not in a sinister way, in my responses to people.

Cuz everything one wants to say isn’t the best thing to say.

I’m trying to represent Christ well. Especially to this person.

True, to my feelings, emotions, and people who love me, he doesn’t deserve it.

But, like I asked my friend, did I deserve grace, new mercies today?

I told her it is a mutually beneficial situation, not from him though. I am storing up treasure in heaven. I am setting up some good reaping. Maybe it’s diminished some by talking about it. I dunno.

I told her vengeance is the Lord’s and he will repay. I told her about what Jesus said, blessed are ye when…

I just want this person to be okay. I want this person to be won to Christ. They were raised basically the same way as me. They endured some things. They chose a different way than me. I was fine with it. There were some other things, maybe related to the different way they chose, that were not fine with me. They didn’t make it difficult to walk.

Despite the poor treatment and ill feelings, I left the door open. I don’t know if they realize what kind of door is open. I don’t think they realize how crazy it is for them to act like nothing happened after what they did. My friend said she may need the Holy Ghost again cuz I’m more patient than her. She wants me to just leave him alone.

My feelings say leave him alone. My hurt says block him again. But my heart says he may just need something I have. I forgave him.

These feelings, this flesh, has me torn. I don’t wanna be a doormat or get played like I was. I don’t believe Christians should be martyrs and just take whatever from whoever. There’s just something inside of me, I hesitate to say God cuz I don’t wanna put anything on Him that isn’t Him, telling me to show him the love of God.

I told my friend I wish people would have been patient with me when I was in a similar state. I wish people would have been there for me or given me the benefit of the doubt. I’m, hard as it may be though I’ve continued praying for him, gonna tread lightly and respond when he chooses to reachout.

I’m just not getting back into a situationship. I refuse to go down that path. Fool me once, okay multiple times but all back to back, shame on you. Fool me twice shame on me. I ain’t here for the shame. Lol.