Tag Archives: death

How?!

I had all the plans to end my unintentional sabbatical earlier than the month I decided on-with the exception of that post the other day.

I was gonna write about Passover, Palm Sunday, Good Friday, the crucifixion, the death, the burial, the resurrection. All that good stuff.

But I didn’t. And I won’t. I reflected and am so very grateful. I will post about what, to me, all of that resulted in.

During Passover after Palm Sunday, I was driving and saw a car behind me. I’d post the pic but I shouldn’t have even taken them and they don’t clearly show what I saw.

Anywho.

The hood was jacked up. I think the lights may have been messed up too. The thought I had was how is it even driving.

Then I went down a hole to a degree like I do.

How are some of us even functioning? Now. We may not show outward damage like that car.

But. Life has done a number on so many of us. It is mind blowing how some of us are in our right mind, how we function, how we put one foot in front of the other. How, when giving up and giving in is so much easier and who would blame us?

But the finished work at the cross. The determination Jesus had to do what he came to do despite asking if it was possible for the cup to pass from him (Matthew 26:39).

Jesus was our perfect example to keep going in the face of seemingly insurmountable circumstances. He did it so we could. God promised to be with us in Isaiah 43:2. And sent his son to show us how He is with us. Then sent a comforter to be with us (John 14:16, 14:26, 15:26, and 16:7). So. I guess that’s how.

Earthquake

Hey y’all!

I def didn’t mean to disappear. But life has been life. I think I’m gonna just continue to let life be and get back to it at the beginning of April.

However. I had a concrete, postable (is that even a word?!) thought earlier so I’m heeeeeeere!

There are, at times, cataclysmic events, people, seasons, and/or situations that shake the foundation, core, plates of our lives just like an earthquake.

Like legit. An earthquake is the moving and shifting of the tectonic plates in the earth’s crust. Far from where our eyes see, there is pressure at fault lines (thanks for the refresher Google and wiki) that causes the plates to grind and shift.

Some earthquakes are felt and some are not. Some we see evidence of and some we do not. But no matter what, something happened and left the earth forever changed.

The biggest earthquakes have visible changes, disturbances in roads resulting in cracks and sinkholes. Houses and buildings destroyed from the foundation up. Not to mention destruction of their contents. Water main breaks. Gas lines destroyed. Havoc wreaked on power lines. Death. The list is endless.

The smaller ones exist but, much like the daily rotation of the earth, we don’t necessarily see or feel them at the moment. But, as sure as winter turns to spring, summer, and fall, leaves and flowers, daylight and darkness, nothing stays the same.

Not to mention the aftershocks or shockwaves. Those tend to be worse and far more dangerous than the earthquake itself. Things are already out of whack and perilous. And here comes more shaking to add to the destruction.

For us, cataclysmically, death, loss, life, addition, quakes us. Changes us. Would seemingly destroy us. Or make us better.

If we stay at the quake we miss out on the beauty of it. If we hold on to whatever it is, good or bad, we don’t make room for the goodness that can come of it.

Being stagnant is not always a standstill in grief. Sometimes we think we have arrived at the best we’ve ever had and as good as we think it’s gonna get. So. Out of an abundance of caution, we park there so we don’t risk it or lose it. Never mind the possibility of more or better.

There is something to rebuilding though. Processing the event. Learning from it. Growing from it. Mourning or celebrating. Grieving or rejoicing. Going through what the earthquake brought you and putting it into proper perspective. Learning the lesson and accepting the gift.

All life really is is a collection of moments sewn together to make a well-used, patchwork quilt. It is up to us to determine what we do with the pieces and how we embrace or even use what is sewn together.

Love is Part Deux

Love is patient
Love is kind
Love laid down its life
Love denied itself
Love put on what it hates
Love forgave me
Love chased me
Love waited for me
Love told me no for a better yes
Love won’t let me go
Love won’t leave me alone
Love won’t give up on me
Love sees me
Love hears me
Love chooses me
Love is relentless
Love is perfect

Words, Words, Words

All I had as a draft was the title. Ima see what I come up with.

Words matter. Sentence structure matters. Semantics. The English language is one of the hardest to learn for a person for whom English is not their first language. So many words sound the same but are spelled the same. The silent letters. The rules. Sure, for English speakers, other languages may be difficult. I learned Spanish. Their rules make a lot more sense than some of those I remember from my English classes. There are a multitude, a litany of exceptions for our words. For the most part, Spanish rules are pretty constant.

Lissen. Those last couple of sentences are sending me somewhere I cannot go. Lol. Just ponder them and see what you come up with. 😉

The Bible says that life and death are in the power of the tongue (Proverbs 18:21). James 3 is a whole situation about the tongue and our mouths. He talks about how small they are and how much fire they can kindle. The thing that I thought of is his question in verse 11: Doth a fountain send forth at the same place sweet water and bitter.

When reading it to put a couple of other things here I was also reminded of verses 9 and 10: Therewith bless we God, even the Father; and therewith curse we men, which are made after the similitude of God. Out of the same mouth proceedeth blessing and cursing. My brethren, these things ought not so to be.

God spoke and created the earth. Go catch that first chapter of Genesis. Throughout the ENTIRE Bible, the words, promises of God and His vessels, Jesus shift lives and entire nations. Over and over again.

My thing is this. God breathed His breath into man in Genesis. Jesus promised us power to do greater works he did (John 14:12). He stated that things could be spoken to or spoke to them (fig tree, mountains, demons, wind and sea). So, if God spoke, Jesus spoke and promised us greater works than him, if we speak, we have the ability to have what we say.

It is so very crucial as believers to only speak positively and what God says. When I say what God says, I mean speak His word. The Bible. And, if He speaks to you personally, say that as well. Saying what God says isn’t 100% literal though. We have to speak well of, about, and to each other. With kind words. That is the essence of His Word and those who wrote under His inspiration.

Many of us were called things contrary to the plan of God for our lives. Many of us were called things contrary to who God made us. People didn’t know better or they passed their issues onto us. Some of us began to become what others said we were. Some of us began to call ourselves what others called us.

I thought about that thang one day. And you know what I did? I put the Word on it! I bound it because Jesus said what I bind on earth would be bound in heaven. I loosed what God thinks, what He says because he said what I loose on earth would be loosed in heaven (all bof of em are Matthew 18:18). I cursed it at the root and sent it back to the pit of hell where it belongs (churchy phrase with likely origins to that fig tree mentioned abouve).

I submit to you today, that if you are struggling with your words, study to be quiet (1 Thessalonians 4:11). Study the Word. Say things the way they should be said and say only what should be said. Not idle, wasteful things. I’m working on this myself as I believe I stated elsewhere.

If you are struggling with the words of others, study the word to find out who God and His vessels say we are. This. This. This. This. And this are great places to start.

You Dead or Nah????

Faith y’all. Faith.

Faith without works is dead. James 2:17. The whole chapter is worth reading.

My brain is finna feel dead. I have four posts to edit in addition to the four? I’ve finished and Proverbs 21. Sheesh. It’s my fault though. Poor planning and time management. Digression.

We pray and we ask God for help. We expect Him to do all the work. Now, some of this may be my good, Instagram girlfriend in my head @shanickavailhouse/@mytransparentMOMents.

But, works require us to do something. God gives us insight and wisdom on how to obtain some things that we pray for. Either we miss it or are stubborn, obstinate, don’t want to do it His way.

If we do nothing the faith we had to ask for it or believe it would happen dies. Why? Because we do not obtain what we believed through our failure to act.

There are some things and miracles God just does and gives. I’m not talking about that.

I want to lose weight. I want to drink more water. I asked God for help. This isn’t the first time. I have tried.

I didn’t love exercising. I didn’t love water. Usually didn’t drink much of anything unless it came with the meal and could eat without any beverage. Didn’t love the outdoors. Ion like weather extremes after living in the cold midwest and hot south and not being out in it much as a child.

Something happened in the middle of the pandemic. Y’all, for my Apostolic/Pentecostal/Holiness/well informed folk, I just quickened.

In the middle of death. In the middle of devastation. In the middle of uncertainty. In the middle of chaos. In the middle of confusion. In the middle of confinement. In the middle of quarantine. In the middle of loss. While I was essential personnel. While I worked every scheduled shift unless I requested off. I lost weight while others gained it.

I would love to say I worked hard. But I didn’t really work at all. I just stopped eating more than one maybe two meals. It was really laziness. I was staying up after I got off at midnight and sleeping or not wanting to go get food. I wasn’t cooking. I feel like I may have said some of this elsewhere. Forgive me. It’s worth repeating.

Once I saw what I had done while accidentally, inadvertently intermittently fasting, I was sold. I bought a half-gallon igloo and decided to drink my water. I started craving it.

I started walking in the park and loved it. I get irritable, definitely today, when I can’t go outside and walk due to the weather. I have been out in walking in the teens or low twenties at the coldest. I just bundle up. I have come to love, love, love God’s nature.

I don’t just eat vegetables and healthily. As a matter of fact, I lost weight eating junk and fast food. I stopped most of the bad stuff at first. I don’t eat nearly as much junk as before. My water intake has slowed. As has the exercise. Moving and having a different lifestyle is an interesting adjustment. But somehow, I am still losing.

I have worked my faith and God has been gracious to me.

Whatever you are believing God for, figure out what your part is. And walk it out. Work it. He just may be waiting on you.

Proverbs 5 The Message (MSG) version)

I’s tired boss. I’m just copying and pasting the whole thing with some thoughts after. Kinda like yesterday. Kinda not.

1-2 Dear friend, pay close attention to this, my wisdom;
    listen very closely to the way I see it.
Then you’ll acquire a taste for good sense;
    what I tell you will keep you out of trouble.

The author is letting us know that he knows what he’s talking about and it is beneficial to listen to his words.

3-6 The lips of a seductive woman are oh so sweet,
    her soft words are oh so smooth.
But it won’t be long before she’s gravel in your mouth,
    a pain in your gut, a wound in your heart.
She’s dancing down the primrose path to Death;
    she’s headed straight for Hell and taking you with her.
She hasn’t a clue about Real Life,
    about who she is or where she’s going.

This makes me think of Delilah and what happened to Samson… I don’t think this is just about or can be applied to just a woman. I feel like this is a metaphor for sin or distractions, including the wrong people.

7-14 So, my friend, listen closely;
    don’t treat my words casually.
Keep your distance from such a woman;
    absolutely stay out of her neighborhood.
You don’t want to squander your wonderful life,
    to waste your precious life among the hardhearted.
Why should you allow strangers to take advantage of you?
    Why be exploited by those who care nothing for you?
You don’t want to end your life full of regrets,
    nothing but sin and bones,
Saying, “Oh, why didn’t I do what they told me?
    Why did I reject a disciplined life?
Why didn’t I listen to my mentors,
    or take my teachers seriously?
My life is ruined!
    I haven’t one blessed thing to show for my life!”

Samesies with a side of regret.

15-16 Do you know the saying, “Drink from your own rain barrel,
    draw water from your own spring-fed well”?
It’s true. Otherwise, you may one day come home
    and find your barrel empty and your well polluted.

The original minding my business drinking my water. Lol.

17-20 Your spring water is for you and you only,
    not to be passed around among strangers.
Bless your fresh-flowing fountain!
    Enjoy the wife you married as a young man!
Lovely as an angel, beautiful as a rose—
    don’t ever quit taking delight in her body.
    Never take her love for granted!
Why would you trade enduring intimacies for cheap thrills with a whore?
    for dalliance with a promiscuous stranger?

It as though he is saying you are the only you, live your life, worry about what your are tasked to do and who who are tasked to do it with.

21-23 Mark well that God doesn’t miss a move you make;
    he’s aware of every step you take.
The shadow of your sin will overtake you;
    you’ll find yourself stumbling all over yourself in the dark.
Death is the reward of an undisciplined life;
    your foolish decisions trap you in a dead end.

God is watching and if you don’t live right death will be your portion.

Uuuuuuuh. I read it. Truly. I may come back and edit it with thoughts. But, I don’t have it in me right now. Lol. If you only knew… I’m just proud that I read it today! 🙂 *and did on 1-7*

No Jonah Part Two

I just had to gather myself.

Someone said I hope everything goes great.

I almost said it’s gonna go.

I course corrected and said it will.

I have to fix my mouth and my attitude.

If God sent me He is going to go before me and make the crooked places straight (Isaiah 45:2).

Life and death are in my tongue (Proverbs 18:21).

Woman’s promised son was dead. She went to the man of God. She didn’t complain. She started off telling people it shall be well. As she got closer to the prophet, she said it is well. Even though her son lay dead, she didn’t speak what she saw. She spoke what she knew to be possible after having a son she never expected to have. (2 Kings 4:8-37)

Just because I know how it has been doesn’t mean I know how it will be.

I have to make God big. Bigger than me. Bigger than my feelings. Bigger than my assumptions. Bigger than my circumstances.

Because nothing is too hard for him (Jeremiah 32:27).

I’m Alive

I’m sitting in God’s beautiful creating in a temp that has dropped to 35. It’s 10 at home. So there’s that…

I’m listening to Rich Tolbert Jr.’s song Alive. Lyrics below.

God knows the plans he has for us, great plans
He controls it all
The reason why we’re alive is because God is in control
Hmm the reason why there’s more, the reason why there’s a next
Is because God is in control, hallelujah, thank you JesusGod knows the plans
He has for me
He knows the thoughts
He thinks toward me
And nothing is an accident
I’m alive, because there’s more
C’mon
God knows the plans
He has for me
He knows the thoughts
He thinks toward me
And nothing is an accident
I’m alive, because there’s more moreI’m alive, I’m alive, I’m alive, I’m alive
And this is not an accident
I’m alive, because there’s moreGod knows the plans (God knows the plans)
He has for me (he has for me)
He knows the thoughts
He thinks toward me
And nothing is an accident
I’m alive, because there’s moreGod knows the plans (God knows the plans)
He has for me (he has for me)
He knows the thoughts
He thinks toward me
And nothing is an accident
I’m alive, because there’s moreI’m alive, I’m alive, I’m alive, I’m alive
And this is not an accident
I’m alive, because there’s more
(Sing I’m alive)
I’m alive, I’m alive, I’m alive, I’m alive
And this is not an accident
I’m alive, because there’s moreHe didn’t let me die, let me die
(He didn’t) let me die, let me die
And this is not an accident
I’m alive because there’s moreHe didn’t let me die, let me die
Let me die, let me die
And this is not an accident
I’m alive because there’s moreThis is not the end, not the end
(This is not) the end, not the end
And this is not an accident
I’m alive because there’s moreThere is more, there is more
There is more, there is more
And this is not an accident
I’m alive, because there’s moreAnd I am not an accident
I’m alive, because there’s more
And I am not an accident
I’m alive, because there’s moreI’m alive, because there’s more
I’m alive, because there’s more
I’m alive, because there’s more
I’m alive, because there’s more
I’m alive, because there’s more
I’m alive, because there’s more
I’m alive, because there’s more
I’m alive, because there’s more
I’m alive, because there’s more
I’m alive, because there’s moreI’m alive, because there’s more
I’m alive, because there’s more
I’m alive, because there’s more

I know that’s a lot. This song resonates with me.

I’m fairly confident some post on here references this, but there was a time I prayed to die. Life wasn’t worth living to me.

How crazy that I would ask God to destroy His own creation. It was rough. I was depressed and the people around me made me feel worthless, as though nothing about me was good enough.

I’ve also been in multiple car accidents and some near misses.

If left up to me and the enemy, I would be dead.

God said no. There was more.

If the holidays and this 2020 life have you considering ending it all, don’t. I promise it gets better. Try Jesus. Best decision I’ve ever made!

20. 20.

I am grateful to see the end of the year mostly unscathed.

I lost a family member to the rona.

Four family members definitely recovered. One likely recovered.

A childhood friend’s mom was lost to the rona.

An asthmatic family member lost their life due to a chemical reaction.

I lost an uncle due to a variety of health issues.

An uncle was rushed to the hospital, and though serious, it wasn’t as bad as was thought.

Two coworkers and a boss tested positive for the rona and have recovered.

I am no longer on speaking terms with my father. 21 years of foolishness resulted in my departure-at his prodding-for my peace of mind.

Endured the craziest three point five weeks with a male I have ever experienced in the middle of a pandemic.

Left some friends-acquaintances-alone.

Left some family members alone.

Reconnected with some friends I let go.

Made a new friend.

Made some new connections.

Followed purpose with expectation of fulfilled vision-from years ago. Not a catchy 2020 gimmick.

Realized some things that I needed to work on and change.

Saw some growth.

Chose myself.

2020 was wild.

But the BEST thing? Focusing on the best friend I’ll ever have, my big brother, my Lord, my Savior.

I’ve been coasting and on autopilot. When Jesus and I are cool, winds and waves don’t play.

I ended this year forced to look to him.

Best decision.

It’s been wild.

But it’s been worth it.

Here’s to 2021.

A multiple of seven.

Biblical meaning of completion.

I expect Jesus to complete some things.

I expect craziness. It wouldn’t be my life without some tests and trials.

I know who’s got me.

I don’t expect easy.

But I expect peace. I expect joy. I expect good things-no matter how it looks or feels.

Cuz I rock with the one who can speak to whatever I face.

I am never alone or forsaken.

That alone makes it well with my soul.