Camp Song: Say The Name of Jesus
Soooooo I used to go to church camp every summer. I spent seven years at one and one year at another one.
God gave me the precious gift of the Holy Ghost my first year. He started revealing His plan for me my third year.
So much of my relationship and view of God and church and whatnot can be traced to those eight hot, glorious weeks.
These are the lyrics to a song I haven’t remembered to sing in years. I may post some of the others I learned. Most were camp specific. A couple are songs that I discovered on CDs. Ion know if this one exists and I’m not searching lol.
Say the name of Jesus
Say the name of Jesus
Say the name
So precious
There’s no other name I know
That can calm your fears
And dry your tears
And wipe away your pain
When you don’t know what else to pray
And you can’t find the words to say
Say the name
Love is Part Deux
Love is patient
Love is kind
Love laid down its life
Love denied itself
Love put on what it hates
Love forgave me
Love chased me
Love waited for me
Love told me no for a better yes
Love won’t let me go
Love won’t leave me alone
Love won’t give up on me
Love sees me
Love hears me
Love chooses me
Love is relentless
Love is perfect
Love is
Love is a choice. A decision.
It can illuminate
And unearth
Uncomfortable truths
About exactly who we are.
The choice, the decision:
Do I do the hard work
Of changing
Being the best?
Or stay the same?
Choosing, deciding
Love isn’t worth it,
They aren’t worth it.
Love Letter
Happy Valentine’s Day To Me
Thought I’d dust my ‘pen’ off
And write myself a letter
Using the original love letter
He loved me so much
He gave me his best
Fearfully and wonderfully made
Beautiful in His image
He loved me before time began
Knew me before I was formed
Saw me, chose me
Even when I’m by myself
I’m never alone
He never leaves
Rejoices over me with gladness
Quiets me with His love
Exalts over me with singing
Saw on Insta
God isn’t my Valentine
I guess
Even though
He is the I Am
Whatever I need
I’ll give her that though
Cuz He’s so much more
Father
Savior
Friend
Comforter
Keeper
Alpha
Omega
Beginning
End
Shelter
Guide
I could stay here all day
So much to say
But words will never suffice
With all that He is
I am enough
Ion need another human
At least not simply to flex
On a commercial holiday
I’m cool
Patiently waiting
If I’m not ready
He’s not ready
I don’t want it
But let me tell you this
He has big shoes to fill
I gotta follow him
As he follows Christ
Did you read this?
What about the Good Book?
Tuh.
God speed to him!
Okay
Um
Me too
There are so many things
Things I see right now
I see skin
Pale, caramel, coffee
Brown, black, mauve, and tan
Freckles, noses, and lips galore
I see red, blue, purple
Pink, orange, yellow
Brown, black, and periwinkle too
I see flushed and bright pink
Crossing some faces
Calves and butts
Ankles and wrists
Necks and waists
I see blue and hazel
Turquoise and brown
Red and green
All colors
Found anywhere around
I see hands in pockets
Tongues hangin’ out
I hear laughter and sighs
Screams of terror and horror
Secrets being kept and shared
I see a menagerie of things
Some big and tall
Some short and small
But really I see
One thing at all
Woman, that’s what it is
Wise beyond her years
A calm beyond her tears
I see her brave and strong
Standing proud and tall
She is a survivor
Nothing can hold her down
From the first to the last
She’s our future and our past
04-05
Beauty
What is beauty
What does it mean
Is it a size zero frame
Flawless skin
And zero body fat
Or could it be a size 20
250 pounds
With a shake in her hand
Is it really only skin deep
Or does what lies inside
Count more than the outside
Is it the rose on the trellis
Stars that light the night’s sky
Or even the snow covered mountains
Is my beauty
In the eye of my beholder
Who even knows
My beauty if my confidence
The way I hold my head
The way I carry myself
It’s me
The real me
Everything inside
First and foremost
My word is my bond
You may not agree
You may not even see
Anything I see
But you see
There’s something else I know
About all of my beauty
It’s not changed
Not even limited
By anything you see or think
My beauty
Is my beauty
Beauty
04-05
Untitled
I’d cry
But the tears won’t come
I’d have a pity party
But the decorations won’t come
There’s no point to the madness
The deflation and sadness
The party’d take more energy
Than optimism would give
I have to have hope
I have to be happy
I can’t complain
I refuse to be sappy
A road that’s higher
That’s the one I choose
A road of self-improvement
Yet I’ve got nothing to lose
It took something wretched
So unlike the person I should be
For me to look onside myself
And see how I lacked wealth
God tore me down
Only to build me up
He’s molding and making
What he’d have me to be
I won’t be angry
I shan’t have that party
Because you see
It’s exactly how I wanted it to be
12-4-02
Thank You
I wanted to write a letter
Just to say thank you
To express my gratitude
Remember when you hurt me
Injecting poison into my soul
Your words were atom bombs
Exploding in my psyche
Your anger, lies, and hate
Was a semi automatic to my emotions
You didn’t really know me
You never really saw me
Knocked me over and stepped on me
To get where you were going
I wanna say thank you
For every tear
Every sleepless night
Every thought of death
Somebody was bottling my tears
Somebody was bringing rest
Somebody was breathing life into every dead place
All you did was make me stronger
All you did was send me into the arms
Of a lover so capable
A lover so sweet
He knocks me off of my feet
While you wouldn’t
Answer the phone, text, or fb me
All I had to do was say Jesus
And my boo, my best friend comes running
So, after all you’ve done
He’s the reason I love you
He’s the reason I forgive you
He’s the reason I pray God’s blessing upon you
So, again, for leading the way to my man
The Clyde to my Bonnie
A rida who already die
I write this letter
Just to say thank you
To express my gratitude
2010
From Religion to Relationship
From the day I was conceived
I was told of Your majesty
I went to church
And was taught about Your works
Sunday School
Sunday morning and evening
Bible class and prayer too
I knew just how to shout
Worship and speak in tongues
I knew about the death, burial, and resurrection
I knew how to look the part
I knew how to play the game
I learned how to be arrogant, mean, and backbite
I knew what it was like to have it all together
Yet, in the midst of all of this
I knew Your Word
I read the scriptures
What I saw and knew
Was no reflection of You
I tried so hard to be like You
In a dry and barren land
The more I knew and understood
The harder life became
I knew who I was
I knew whose I was
But I was attached to the people
I longed for their love
There came a day
When I was tired of life as I knew it
All that mattered was You
All that mattered
Was Your Word, Your will, my destiny
So I gave it up
All that I was
All that I had
All that I wanted
All that I loved
Simply for the glory of You
I longed to know You
In the power of Your resurrection
And the fellowship of Your suffering
I desired less of me
And all of you
So I laid down my life
And I picked up my cross
I journeyed from religion to relationship
I journeyed my God to You
From Familiar to the Beach
As I stand rooted
In this spot
Waves are crashing in
Winds are blowing
Hail, thunder, and lightning
Fall, clap, and flash
There is something
So familiar about this
I’ve been here before
I remember the last time
The feelings were the same
Others did the same thing
Others said the same thing
As I stand here
I think about what I did
I think about what I said
I think about the outcome
So this time
I call for Jesus
I yell, I pray, I cry
Jesus, Jesus, Jesus
I can’t do it alone
I can’t do it halfway
I need you all the way
Suddenly it stops
The Son shines
Suddenly I’m on a beach
I summoned the courage
To stand still and fight
I saw the salvation of the Lord
Now there’s peace
I can sit and relax
He did all the work
I simply had to ask
2010
Broken
There are pieces of me
Scattered everywhere
Every time they left
They took a piece away
My mind is busted
The lies they told
Dissembled it every time they spoke
My soul is chopped up
Like meat through a grinder
I’ve given my all
I hung my head
I have to pray
I call out to God
It’s a guttural cry
Help me
I scream over and over
I have to make sure he hears
I have to make him take notice
Help me
I hear a sound
It sounds like
Somebody being hurt
It’s a real-life passion of the Christ
But every time I hear a lash
Or some form of torture
A piece of me appears for a second
Then it disappears again
I’m confused
I can’t lose me
I start to panic
But then I look down
I look new
I look within
My heart is mended
My mind is intact
My spirit is whole
I hear something else
It sounds like a faraway announcement
He was wounded for our transgression
He was bruised for our iniquities
The chastisement of our peace was upon him
With his stripes we are healed
I’m on my feet running in circles going nowhere
Praise bubbles from everywhere
Worship exudes from my pores
Before I was ever born
Before I ever knew my name
Before I knew any pain
Before I was like humpty dumpty
With nobody to put me together again
Jesus was the only glue
He went to Calvary
Just for broken, lil, ol me
2010
Alone-Not Alone
I’m alone in a room
It’s cold, dark, and stale
I’m scared and lonely
They said I love you
But walked away
They said I need you
But couldn’t stay
They raped me of my peace
They stole my joy
Leeched my anointing
Mocked my praise
I let them have it
They took it all away
And now I’m locked
In the prison of my mind
I want shrivel up
I’ve begged God to die
I can’t say anymore
I just lay and cry
I don’t know when I got here
I can’t tell the time of day
I cry and cry
Until morning becomes day
I see the light and roll over
I’m not in the mood to face life
I’m on empty
All of a sudden
I see something I didn’t notice
A Bible stares me in the face
Like a tidal wave
Taking over my mind
A mental rolodex
Of its contents passes through my mind
The movie that is my life
Plays before my eyes
When I almost lost my mind
I wasn’t alone
When the other people left
I wasn’t alone
The last time was in this room
I wasn’t alone
Every time I cried
Every time depression strangled me
Every time I wanted to quit life
I wasn’t alone
Something rose on the inside
And hugged me from within
It wrapped its arms around me
And just wouldn’t quit
The love of God surrounded me
It brought everything that was taken back
As I reflect on those times
I look up
I’m not scared and lonely
The room isn’t cold, dark, and stale
I’m not alone in a room
Too Bad
I wrote this in February 2016. I have no idea why I didn’t publish it.
But in light of the celebration of Independence Day yesterday-a celebration that is really only for those who are descendants of American citizens in 1776-I’ll publish it now.
And I’m going ALL out for Juneteenth next year. 😊
—
Proud to be an American
Where at least I know I’m free
What a nice song lyric
Too bad I’m not really proud
Too bad I don’t feel free
Too bad the oppression is real
Sanctioned and legal
Too bad there’s a double standard
Too bad there’s immaturity
Too bad reality is uncomfortable
So it’s dismissed
Too bad people are so blind
To the hurt and plight of others
Too bad people can’t understand
The fabric of this society
Too bad noses are in the sand
Too bad justifications are forced
Instead of acceptance
Too bad inequality is real
But explained away
It’s all
Just too bad
What Happened to the Dream
MLK had a dream
That dream is all but dead
Tamir gets no justice
Just like Trayvon
Or, as of yet,
Freddie Gray
We haven’t overcome
I appreciate
Being a brown girl
In law school
Educated
With opportunities
But my heart
It still hurts
It’s hard
We’ve come a ways
But
So much further to go
I
Can’t even
Say all I want
Express all I feel
It’s a shame
A travesty
We can’t even heal
I grieve
Mourning
When will it end
When will
Delusions and dreams
Become reality
What happened
What happened
What happened
What happened
To the dream
Pieces
I gave away
Pieces
Of who I am
Of my heart
It was just
So difficult
Being me
Being different
I thought
It would
Just be easier
If I tried
Tried to fit in
If I
Shaved some of the square
Fit me
Into that round hole
Or if I
Trimmed the rectangle
To fit in that box
But the more I shaved
The more I trimmed
The hole and the box
Shrank
Nobody was happy
The more pieces I gave
More pieces were required
Until
I couldn’t even
Recognize
What I was
Who I was
One day
I looked around
At all the shattered pieces
All that was left of me
I decided
I couldn’t
Be a broken
Unhappy, mess
Made up of pieces
That weren’t truly me
I took my time
As much as it hurt
As difficult as it was
And picked every piece up
I took all those pieces
Back to the potter
My tears
My prayers
Were the life
That watered the pieces
And that potter
Unlike humpty dumpty
Put me back together
Ha
No more pieces
Making Me
Frail and flawed
Totally human
Scars and wounds
Received and self-inflicted
Hard times
Sad times
Wanting to quit
Wishing it away
Hoping for change
Dreaming of better days
Timeout
Reflection
Understanding
Making sense
Making me
Love it all
Love me
Dirt
At the end of the day
All I am is dirt
Breath brought to life
The dirt that is me
Water called life
Is added to that dirt
Then it’s pounded
Mixed and molded
More water is added
If the shape just isn’t right
When the dirt and water
Make just the perfect shape
This dirt that is me
Is thrown in heat
Left uncomfortable
Baking and baking
Until the dirt
Becomes something beautiful
Something the potter
Saw all along
When I was just some dirt
I don’t always
Quite see all the potter sees
Sometimes
I don’t want the water
Definitely not the heat
But whenever
I see the finished product
The potter’s masterpiece
I can’t help but be grateful
Grudgingly appreciate and accept
The next time
The potter
Adds water and bakes this dirt
Injustice
Injustice
Injustice
Where is the justice
Crazy that a man
Gets time in jail
Over fighting dogs
Yet my brothers’ killers
Get off
Sometimes celebrated
Crazy what money
And skin color buy
Charges dropped
For the same drugs
My brothers get life for
Crazy that my brothers
Murdered
Borderline savagely
Shot in the back
Laying in the street
Carrying a toy
Holding merchandise
Running away
Lying unable to breathe
Shackled
Chased in the night
Painted like
Animals and criminals
As if their mistakes
Deserve amplification
And somehow justify their death
Injustice
Injustice
My Lord
Where is the justice
From what I see
Liberty and justice
Just ain’t for all
Second Class Citizens
I’m black in America
I’m supposed to live
In the land of the free
And the home of the brave
I’m supposed to believe and dream
If I work hard
This dream turns into a life fulfilled
But all it seems to come back to
Is the notion that I’ll never be enough
My black brothers and sisters
Are merely second class citizens
Blood continues to be spilled
Our churches burned
Our culture appropriated
We elected someone
Full of melanin
We are now post-racial
Racism is over
Yet so many have lost their lives
He gets no respect
Racism seems worse than it’s ever been
This is my country
This is my home
I’m supposed to be proud
“Proud to be an american
Where at least I know I’m free”
But am I really free
Or am I one wrong decision
Away from a bullet or a cell
As a kid
I never knew
The evil this world still held
I grieve for the lives lost
I am fearful for what the future holds
Money buys a lot of things
The NRA has bought Congress
Gun safety is a low priority
Education takes a backseat
While the rich get richer
And the poor get poorer
We talk about these injustices
Grand juries indict or they don’t
People are convicted or the aren’t
But nothing’s changing
Nothing’s better
At times I feel like
Me and my people
Are nothing more
Nothing less
Just simply seen as
Second class citizens
Brown Baby
Just looked at my nephew’s picture
Happy, smiling brown baby
He’s six months old
Even though he’s not mine
I’m excited to see him grow
I’ve thought about his future
Our future
He’s already amazing
I know I’m biased
But he’s so intelligent
Right now I’m worried
His name is Jeremiah Kaleb
But how will his story end
Will he be Oscar Grant
Killed at a transportation station
Will he be Trayvon Martin
Killed because he wore a hoodie while walking through a neighborhood
Will he be Jordan Russell Davis
Killed because his music was too loud
Will he be Kendrick Johnson
Harased then found dead, rolled up in a gym mat
Will he be Michael Brown
Killed without a weapon then slandered to cover for the cop
His life matters
Their lives mattered
No matter his intelligence or education
There is a fear
There is a threat
Simply because his skin contains more melanin
He has to walk with his head held down
His mouth closed
Subservient to a massa
Though slavery is over, the fight for civil rights ended
Because President Obama
Sits in the seat
Some say we have overcome
What really has been won
Post racial America is a fairytale
You don’t believe it
Ask Oscar, Trayvon, Jordan, Kendrick, and Michael’s families
Ask those families we don’t know about
Ask those frisked and profiled
Dr. King had a dream
Some say it was fulfilled on November 4, 2008
I think he’s still dreaming