I Can’t Title This

I went home. I ran home. Hell broke loose. I ran into more hell.

It changed my life.

It saved my life.

I got something eternal out of it. An uncle I adored who went home who left a mark on me for life.

And eventually an auntie. Baaaaaaybeeeee. This lady is something. Hear me?

The love is real. Cuz we have been tried and tested.

This blog is short and sweet.

But don’t let it fool you.

There is far too much to choose from so I’m not even gonna try.

I will say this, she has spoken life when I needed it.

She has chastened and corrected when I needed it.

She has shown me who I am, where I’m going, and what God sees when He looks at me.

If I stay here much longer more thug tears are on the way.

I’m just so grateful to God. So Ima put that on wax here.

I cannot wait to see how her story unfolds. She has so much that so many of us need.

It’s gonna be great. I’m counting on it!

Shujaa

This means warrior in Swahili.

If you’ve been around, you know I talk about my person who blogs here. You know I’ve been unable to come up with a title for her.

Let’s back up. I knew who she was from watching her church online. I attempted to become a member of her location cuz her pastor is bomb and adopted me as family.

I was talking to someone about trying to move and get a job when my shujaa walked up. “Will you pray over this with me?”

Seven words shifted the trajectory of my life. I posted about that on Insta and missed the seven the other day. Man. Seven shows up in the Bible so many times.

There’s one other set of seven words that shifted the trajectory of our lives. Those seven words Jesus uttered before he laid down his life.

Shujaa and I actually had a convo about this. Those were not the seven last words of Jesus. He spoke to the disciples after leaving hell before He ascended. And He still speaks today.

I’m not gonna get into everything cuz that’s our business. But, when you read her books, you will see how appropriate the title of warrior is. She has fought me and fought for me. We are family. I love and adore her and her husband, who I call Pastor Fisherman.

God gives us what when need when we needed it. My life is so much better, richer, fuller, more on track for purpose, all because some lady walked up to me and asked me to pray. I admit I was taken aback. Cuz she didn’t know me from Adam. And I wasn’t raised to ask random people to pray. Especially given the circumstances.

God sent her and she knew something I didn’t. Or maybe it was just the awesome company I was keeping. Whatever the case. I’m mighty grateful!

Go be great. Someone is counting on it.

Legacy

I’m doing so well this week with not writing. Lol.

Apologies in advance to the regulars. Cuz I’m sure I’m going to be repetitive.

I moved for the millionth time in June. I really prayed and sought God. I mean, most times I have. I’m just out here like Abraham. I feel like every one was preparation to make the move I had to make. And the ones to come. Smh lol.

I made the hard, difficult decision to once again let people go. But this time, it was people I never thought I’d refrain form communicating with. I know I hurt hurt one person.

But, I know where I’m going. And I fully surrendered to it. I had to silence myself. I had to silence the voices around me so I could hear God clearly.

While I am transparent on here, I haven’t told all of my business like I used to. I hid most of the blogs I’ve written since 2013. I left the ones up from May forward. Because I changed in May. For real for good. I have stutter-stepped to this place. But ya girl is here for good.

I told y’all that I wrote a book that was trash that wouldn’t see the light of day. I thought my transparent testimony required spilling every minute detail. I was of the mind that if they didn’t want anybody to know they shouldn’t have done it.

I received grace. My middle name means God is gracious. But I wasn’t handing out the grace love requires. I love my family. But my family has hurt me and I haven’t always felt loved.

But something happened in the past two months that led to the grace and decision to barely mention my family. I prayed. For real. I had no peace.

As I wrote about them in yet another version of the same trash book (at least three chiiii), I really looked at our past. As descendants of enslaved people. I considered all of the info I knew about my mom’s grandparents. Then my grandparents. Then my parents. Then my aunts, uncles, sister, and cousins. That’s how I ended up with That’s All They Know-Keep Building.

I had a couple conversations with one of my cousins then we had a conversation with my mom. It made me see my grandfather in a whole new light and me as his legacy this morning. Cuz I’ve been talking about it to embrace it. But something totally different hit me today.

I didn’t care for a lot of stuff growing up and I was super judgmental. But theses past two months have made me see him so much better. I am so proud to be his granddaughter. I am truly striving to be like him. I see how much like him I am.

It’s crazy what some transparency will get you. This is why I have been saying if people were open the ones behind them wouldn’t fall or if they do they wouldn’t stay in shame. This broadens that. Maybe I would have come to this place far sooner had the whole story been laid out without an interrogation versus me drawing my own inferences and conclusions from things mentioned in passing.

Anywho. That’s neither here nor there. I owe da ppl an apology. Ima give them one. I didn’t handle my feelings well. I mean I asked for things that they refused to give. But just because I want them and see what could be doesn’t mean they do. And I can’t force people to see what I see or to want to change.

I wholeheartedly believe there is healing coming. Conversations will be had. Childhood hurts that have grown and been passed down will be unearthed and destroyed. I just have to let God be God and trust in the timing of it all.

Cuz I want us to love love, not dictate and control. I want us to be free and not be hypersensitive or easily offended. I want us to believe motives are pure and there is nothing behind it and no agenda. I want us to walk out the Bible not religion or tradition or what we were taught. But what the Bible actually says.

While our theology will never merge, I aspire to be so much like my grandfather. I aspire to proudly proclaim who he is and pick up some stuff that he left here in the earth. Ima definitely do it differently. But I exist because of him. I’m gonna stand on his shoulders and keep building what he started.

Go be great. Someone’s counting on it.

The Same God

I’m not 100% certain
But
I don’t think I’ve complained in a specific way
About prices going up
Sure
About the greedy capitalism
But
I serve
The same God
Who provided manna from Heaven
The same God
Who numbers
The hairs on my head
And cares about the lilies
Who owns everything
Who will supply
ALL my needs
I’m grateful
I can afford what it costs to live
In whatever state
I choose contentment
And peace that passes
All understanding

What Do You See

What do you see
What do you see
What will your perception be
What do you see
What do you see
Is it a tree
Or is it opportunity
What do you see
What do you see
An obstacle
Or what will be
What do you see
What do you see
Is it bondage
Or will you be free
What do you see
What do you see
As a man thinks
So shall he be
What do you see
What do you see

Live

A flower
Stands growing
All alone in a field
Water springs forth
In a dry desert
Where no life is
Impossibility
Possible
Because there it lives
Life
Has tried
To destroy and kill
Yet
Like the inflatables
Knocked down
Not out
Seemed like
All was over
Just when
You almost hit the ground
Gravity took over
He took over
Up you popped
Get up
Live
Like the flower
Stand growing in the field
Like the water
Spring forth in the desert

NAME OF GOD: Jehovah Tsaba

Pastor Tony Evans created a list of all the names of God and their pronunciations that can be found here. I broke each one down separately. However, I felt that it would be nice to have all of them in one place.

MEANING: LORD of Hosts

Verese: 1 Samuel 17:45

KJ21 Then said David to the Philistine, “Thou comest to me with a sword and with a spear and with a shield; but I come to thee in the name of the Lord of hosts, the God of the armies of Israel, whom thou hast defied.

The name is more powerful than anything!

ASV Then said David to the Philistine, Thou comest to me with a sword, and with a spear, and with a javelin: but I come to thee in the name of Jehovah of hosts, the God of the armies of Israel, whom thou hast defied.

AMP Then David said to the Philistine, “You come to me with a sword, a spear, and a javelin, but I come to you in the name of the Lord of hosts, the God of the armies of Israel, whom you have taunted.

AMPC Then said David to the Philistine, You come to me with a sword, a spear, and a javelin, but I come to you in the name of the Lord of hosts, the God of the ranks of Israel, Whom you have defied.

BRG Then said David to the Philistine, Thou comest to me with a sword, and with a spear, and with a shield: but I come to thee in the name of the Lord of hosts, the God of the armies of Israel, whom thou hast defied.

CSB David said to the Philistine, “You come against me with a sword, spear, and javelin, but I come against you in the name of the Lord of Armies, the God of the ranks of Israel—you have defied him.

What a way to describe His power.

CEB But David told the Philistine, “You are coming against me with sword, spear, and scimitar, but I come against you in the name of the Lord of heavenly forces, the God of Israel’s army, the one you’ve insulted.

CJB David answered the P’lishti, “You’re coming at me with a sword, a spear and a javelin. But I’m coming at you in the name of AdonaiTzva’ot, the God of the armies of Isra’el, whom you have challenged.

CEV David answered: You’ve come out to fight me with a sword and a spear and a dagger. But I’ve come out to fight you in the name of the Lord All-Powerful. He is the God of Israel’s army, and you have insulted him too!

Lord All-Powerful.

DARBY And David said to the Philistine, Thou comest to me with sword, and with spear, and with javelin; but I come to thee in the name of Jehovah of hosts, the God of the armies of Israel, whom thou hast defied.

DRA And David said to the Philistine: Thou comest to me with a sword, and with a spear, and with a shield: but I come to thee in the name of the Lord of hosts, the God of the armies of Israel, which thou hast defied.

ERV David said to the Philistine, “You come to me using sword, spear, and javelin. But I come to you in the name of the Lord All-Powerful, the God of the armies of Israel. You have said bad things about him.

EHV Then David said to the Philistine, “You come against me with a sword, with a spear, and with a javelin, but I come against you in the name of the Lord of Armies, the God of the ranks of Israel, whom you have defied.

ESV Then David said to the Philistine, “You come to me with a sword and with a spear and with a javelin, but I come to you in the name of the Lord of hosts, the God of the armies of Israel, whom you have defied.

ESVUK Then David said to the Philistine, “You come to me with a sword and with a spear and with a javelin, but I come to you in the name of the Lord of hosts, the God of the armies of Israel, whom you have defied.

EXB But David said to ·him [the Philistine], “You come to me using a sword ·and two spears [a spear and a javelin]. But I come to you in the name of the Lord ·All-Powerful [Almighty; of Heaven’s Armies; of hosts], the God of the armies of Israel! You have ·spoken against [taunted; defied; challenged] him.

Almighty.

GNV ¶ Then said David to the Philistine, Thou comest to me with a sword, and with a spear, and with a shield, but I come to thee in the Name of the Lord of hosts, the God of the host of Israel, whom thou hast railed upon.

GW David told the Philistine, “You come to me with sword and spear and javelin, but I come to you in the name of the Lord of Armies, the God of the army of Israel, whom you have insulted.

GNT David answered, “You are coming against me with sword, spear, and javelin, but I come against you in the name of the Lord Almighty, the God of the Israelite armies, which you have defied.

HCSB David said to the Philistine: “You come against me with a dagger, spear, and sword, but I come against you in the name of Yahweh of Hosts, the God of Israel’s armies—you have defied Him.

ICB But David said to him, “You come to me using a sword, a large spear and a small spear. But I come to you in the name of the Lord of heaven’s armies. He’s the God of the armies of Israel! You have spoken out against him.

ISV Then David told the Philistine, “You come at me with a sword, a spear, and a javelin, but I come to you in the name of the Lord of the Heavenly Armies, the God of the armies of Israel whom you have defied.

JUB Then David said to the Philistine, Thou comest to me with a sword and with a spear and with a shield, but I come to thee in the name of the LORD of the hosts, the God of the armies of Israel, whom thou hast dishonoured.

KJV Then said David to the Philistine, Thou comest to me with a sword, and with a spear, and with a shield: but I come to thee in the name of the Lord of hosts, the God of the armies of Israel, whom thou hast defied.

AKJV Then said David to the Philistine, Thou comest to me with a sword, and with a spear, and with a shield: but I come to thee in the name of the Lord of hosts, the God of the armies of Israel, whom thou hast defied.

LEB Then David said to the Philistine, “You are coming to me with a sword and with a spear and with a javelin, but I am coming to you in the name of Yahweh of hosts, the God of the battle lines of Israel, whom you have defied!

TLB David shouted in reply, “You come to me with a sword and a spear, but I come to you in the name of the Lord of the armies of heaven and of Israel—the very God whom you have defied.

MSG David answered, “You come at me with sword and spear and battle-ax. I come at you in the name of God-of-the-Angel-Armies, the God of Israel’s troops, whom you curse and mock. This very day God is handing you over to me. I’m about to kill you, cut off your head, and serve up your body and the bodies of your Philistine buddies to the crows and coyotes. The whole earth will know that there’s an extraordinary God in Israel. And everyone gathered here will learn that God doesn’t save by means of sword or spear. The battle belongs to God—he’s handing you to us on a platter!”

Sheesh. Also. Extraordinary God.

MEV Then David said to the Philistine, “You come to me with a sword, a spear, and a shield, but I come to you in the name of the Lord of Hosts, the God of the armies of Israel, whom you have reviled.

NOG David told the Philistine, “You come to me with sword and spear and javelin, but I come to you in the name of the Yahweh Tsebaoth, the Elohim of the army of Israel, whom you have insulted.

NABRE David answered him: “You come against me with sword and spear and scimitar, but I come against you in the name of the Lord of hosts, the God of the armies of Israel whom you have insulted.

NASB But David said to the Philistine, “You come to me with a sword, a spear, and a saber, but I come to you in the name of the Lord of armies, the God of the armies of Israel, whom you have defied.

NASB1995 Then David said to the Philistine, “You come to me with a sword, a spear, and a javelin, but I come to you in the name of the Lord of hosts, the God of the armies of Israel, whom you have taunted.

NCV But David said to him, “You come to me using a sword and two spears. But I come to you in the name of the Lord All-Powerful, the God of the armies of Israel! You have spoken against him.

NET But David replied to the Philistine, “You are coming against me with sword and spear and javelin. But I am coming against you in the name of the Lord of Heaven’s Armies, the God of Israel’s armies, whom you have defied!

NIRV David said to Goliath, “You are coming to fight against me with a sword, a spear and a javelin. But I’m coming against you in the name of the Lord who rules over all. He is the God of the armies of Israel. He’s the one you have dared to fight against.

Lord who rules over all.

NIV David said to the Philistine, “You come against me with sword and spear and javelin, but I come against you in the name of the Lord Almighty, the God of the armies of Israel, whom you have defied.

NIVUK David said to the Philistine, ‘You come against me with sword and spear and javelin, but I come against you in the name of the Lord Almighty, the God of the armies of Israel, whom you have defied.

NKJV Then David said to the Philistine, “You come to me with a sword, with a spear, and with a javelin. But I come to you in the name of the Lord of hosts, the God of the armies of Israel, whom you have defied.

NLV Then David said to the Philistine, “You come to me with a sword and spears. But I come to you in the name of the Lord of All, the God of the armies of Israel, Whom you have stood against.

Lord of All.

NLT David replied to the Philistine, “You come to me with sword, spear, and javelin, but I come to you in the name of the Lord of Heaven’s Armies—the God of the armies of Israel, whom you have defied.

NRSV But David said to the Philistine, “You come to me with sword and spear and javelin; but I come to you in the name of the Lord of hosts, the God of the armies of Israel, whom you have defied.

NRSVA But David said to the Philistine, ‘You come to me with sword and spear and javelin; but I come to you in the name of the Lord of hosts, the God of the armies of Israel, whom you have defied.

NRSVACE But David said to the Philistine, ‘You come to me with sword and spear and javelin; but I come to you in the name of the Lord of hosts, the God of the armies of Israel, whom you have defied.

NRSVCE But David said to the Philistine, “You come to me with sword and spear and javelin; but I come to you in the name of the Lord of hosts, the God of the armies of Israel, whom you have defied.

OJB Then said Dovid to the Pelishti, Thou comest against me with a cherev (sword), and with a khanit (spear), and with a kidon (javelin); but I come against thee b’Shem Hashem Tzva’os Elohei Ma’arkhot Yisroel, whom thou hast defied.

RSV Then David said to the Philistine, “You come to me with a sword and with a spear and with a javelin; but I come to you in the name of the Lord of hosts, the God of the armies of Israel, whom you have defied.

RSVCE Then David said to the Philistine, “You come to me with a sword and with a spear and with a javelin; but I come to you in the name of the Lord of hosts, the God of the armies of Israel, whom you have defied.

TLV Then David said to the Philistine, “You are coming to me with a sword, a spear and a javelin, but I am coming to you in the Name of Adonai-Tzva’ot, God of the armies of Israel, whom you have defied.

VOICE David: You come to me carrying a sword and spear and javelin as your weapons, but I come armed with the name of the Eternal One, the Commander of heavenly armies, the True God of the armies of Israel, the One you have insulted.

True God.

WEB Then David said to the Philistine, “You come to me with a sword, with a spear, and with a javelin; but I come to you in the name of Yahweh of Armies, the God of the armies of Israel, whom you have defied.

WYC And David said to Goliath, Thou comest to me with a sword and (a) spear, and (a) shield; but I come to thee in (the) name of the Lord of hosts, (the) God of the companies of Israel, to whom thou hast said reproof today.

YLT And David saith unto the Philistine, `Thou art coming unto me with sword, and with spear, and with buckler, and I am coming unto thee in the name of Jehovah of Hosts, God of the ranks of Israel, which thou hast reproached.

Camp Song: Say The Name of Jesus

Soooooo I used to go to church camp every summer. I spent seven years at one and one year at another one.

God gave me the precious gift of the Holy Ghost my first year. He started revealing His plan for me my third year.

So much of my relationship and view of God and church and whatnot can be traced to those eight hot, glorious weeks.

These are the lyrics to a song I haven’t remembered to sing in years. I may post some of the others I learned. Most were camp specific. A couple are songs that I discovered on CDs. Ion know if this one exists and I’m not searching lol.

Say the name of Jesus

Say the name of Jesus

Say the name

So precious

There’s no other name I know

That can calm your fears

And dry your tears

And wipe away your pain

When you don’t know what else to pray

And you can’t find the words to say

Say the name

Love is Part Deux

Love is patient
Love is kind
Love laid down its life
Love denied itself
Love put on what it hates
Love forgave me
Love chased me
Love waited for me
Love told me no for a better yes
Love won’t let me go
Love won’t leave me alone
Love won’t give up on me
Love sees me
Love hears me
Love chooses me
Love is relentless
Love is perfect

Love Letter

Happy Valentine’s Day To Me
Thought I’d dust my ‘pen’ off
And write myself a letter
Using the original love letter
He loved me so much
He gave me his best
Fearfully and wonderfully made
Beautiful in His image
He loved me before time began
Knew me before I was formed
Saw me, chose me
Even when I’m by myself
I’m never alone
He never leaves
Rejoices over me with gladness
Quiets me with His love
Exalts over me with singing
Saw on Insta
God isn’t my Valentine
I guess
Even though
He is the I Am
Whatever I need
I’ll give her that though
Cuz He’s so much more
Father
Savior
Friend
Comforter
Keeper
Alpha
Omega
Beginning
End
Shelter
Guide
I could stay here all day
So much to say
But words will never suffice
With all that He is
I am enough
Ion need another human
At least not simply to flex
On a commercial holiday
I’m cool
Patiently waiting
If I’m not ready
He’s not ready
I don’t want it
But let me tell you this
He has big shoes to fill
I gotta follow him
As he follows Christ
Did you read this?
What about the Good Book?
Tuh.
God speed to him!
Okay
Um
Me too

There are so many things

Things I see right now

I see skin

Pale, caramel, coffee

Brown, black, mauve, and tan

Freckles, noses, and lips galore

I see red, blue, purple

Pink, orange, yellow

Brown, black, and periwinkle too

I see flushed and bright pink

Crossing some faces

Calves and butts

Ankles and wrists

Necks and waists

I see blue and hazel

Turquoise and brown

Red and green

All colors

Found anywhere around

I see hands in pockets

Tongues hangin’ out

I hear laughter and sighs

Screams of terror and horror

Secrets being kept and shared

I see a menagerie of things

Some big and tall

Some short and small

But really I see

One thing at all

Woman, that’s what it is

Wise beyond her years

A calm beyond her tears

I see her brave and strong

Standing proud and tall

She is a survivor

Nothing can hold her down

From the first to the last

She’s our future and our past

04-05

Beauty

What is beauty

What does it mean

Is it a size zero frame

Flawless skin

And zero body fat

Or could it be a size 20

250 pounds

With a shake in her hand

Is it really only skin deep

Or does what lies inside

Count more than the outside

Is it the rose on the trellis

Stars that light the night’s sky

Or even the snow covered mountains

Is my beauty

In the eye of my beholder

Who even knows

My beauty if my confidence

The way I hold my head

The way I carry myself

It’s me

The real me

Everything inside

First and foremost

My word is my bond

You may not agree

You may not even see

Anything I see

But you see

There’s something else I know

About all of my beauty

It’s not changed

Not even limited

By anything you see or think

My beauty

Is my beauty

Beauty

04-05

Untitled

I’d cry

But the tears won’t come

I’d have a pity party

But the decorations won’t come

There’s no point to the madness

The deflation and sadness

The party’d take more energy

Than optimism would give

I have to have hope

I have to be happy

I can’t complain

I refuse to be sappy

A road that’s higher

That’s the one I choose

A road of self-improvement

Yet I’ve got nothing to lose

It took something wretched

So unlike the person I should be

For me to look onside myself

And see how I lacked wealth

God tore me down

Only to build me up

He’s molding and making

What he’d have me to be

I won’t be angry

I shan’t have that party

Because you see

It’s exactly how I wanted it to be

12-4-02

Thank You

I wanted to write a letter

Just to say thank you

To express my gratitude

Remember when you hurt me

Injecting poison into my soul

Your words were atom bombs

Exploding in my psyche

Your anger, lies, and hate

Was a semi automatic to my emotions

You didn’t really know me

You never really saw me

Knocked me over and stepped on me

To get where you were going

I wanna say thank you

For every tear

Every sleepless night

Every thought of death

Somebody was bottling my tears

Somebody was bringing rest

Somebody was breathing life into every dead place

All you did was make me stronger

All you did was send me into the arms

Of a lover so capable

A lover so sweet

He knocks me off of my feet

While you wouldn’t

Answer the phone, text, or fb me

All I had to do was say Jesus

And my boo, my best friend comes running

So, after all you’ve done

He’s the reason I love you

He’s the reason I forgive you

He’s the reason I pray God’s blessing upon you

So, again, for leading the way to my man

The Clyde to my Bonnie

A rida who already die

I write this letter

Just to say thank you

To express my gratitude

2010

From Religion to Relationship

From the day I was conceived

I was told of Your majesty

I went to church

And was taught about Your works

Sunday School

Sunday morning and evening

Bible class and prayer too

I knew just how to shout

Worship and speak in tongues

I knew about the death, burial, and resurrection

I knew how to look the part

I knew how to play the game

I learned how to be arrogant, mean, and backbite

I knew what it was like to have it all together

Yet, in the midst of all of this

I knew Your Word

I read the scriptures

What I saw and knew

Was no reflection of You

I tried so hard to be like You

In a dry and barren land

The more I knew and understood

The harder life became

I knew who I was

I knew whose I was

But I was attached to the people

I longed for their love

There came a day

When I was tired of life as I knew it

All that mattered was You

All that mattered

Was Your Word, Your will, my destiny

So I gave it up

All that I was

All that I had

All that I wanted

All that I loved

Simply for the glory of You

I longed to know You

In the power of Your resurrection

And the fellowship of Your suffering

I desired less of me

And all of you

So I laid down my life

And I picked up my cross

I journeyed from religion to relationship

I journeyed my God to You

From Familiar to the Beach

As I stand rooted

In this spot

Waves are crashing in

Winds are blowing

Hail, thunder, and lightning

Fall, clap, and flash

There is something

So familiar about this

I’ve been here before

I remember the last time

The feelings were the same

Others did the same thing

Others said the same thing

As I stand here

I think about what I did

I think about what I said

I think about the outcome

So this time

I call for Jesus

I yell, I pray, I cry

Jesus, Jesus, Jesus

I can’t do it alone

I can’t do it halfway

I need you all the way

Suddenly it stops

The Son shines

Suddenly I’m on a beach

I summoned the courage

To stand still and fight

I saw the salvation of the Lord

Now there’s peace

I can sit and relax

He did all the work

I simply had to ask

2010

Broken

There are pieces of me

Scattered everywhere

Every time they left

They took a piece away

My mind is busted

The lies they told

Dissembled it every time they spoke

My soul is chopped up

Like meat through a grinder

I’ve given my all

I hung my head

I have to pray

I call out to God

It’s a guttural cry

Help me

I scream over and over

I have to make sure he hears

I have to make him take notice

Help me

I hear a sound

It sounds like

Somebody being hurt

It’s a real-life passion of the Christ

But every time I hear a lash

Or some form of torture

A piece of me appears for a second

Then it disappears again

I’m confused

I can’t lose me

I start to panic

But then I look down

I look new

I look within

My heart is mended

My mind is intact

My spirit is whole

I hear something else

It sounds like a faraway announcement

He was wounded for our transgression

He was bruised for our iniquities

The chastisement of our peace was upon him

With his stripes we are healed

I’m on my feet running in circles going nowhere

Praise bubbles from everywhere

Worship exudes from my pores

Before I was ever born

Before I ever knew my name

Before I knew any pain

Before I was like humpty dumpty

With nobody to put me together again

Jesus was the only glue

He went to Calvary

Just for broken, lil, ol me

2010

Alone-Not Alone

I’m alone in a room

It’s cold, dark, and stale

I’m scared and lonely

They said I love you

But walked away

They said I need you

But couldn’t stay

They raped me of my peace

They stole my joy

Leeched my anointing

Mocked my praise

I let them have it

They took it all away

And now I’m locked

In the prison of my mind

I want shrivel up

I’ve begged God to die

I can’t say anymore

I just lay and cry

I don’t know when I got here

I can’t tell the time of day

I cry and cry

Until morning becomes day

I see the light and roll over

I’m not in the mood to face life

I’m on empty

All of a sudden

I see something I didn’t notice

A Bible stares me in the face

Like a tidal wave

Taking over my mind

A mental rolodex

Of its contents passes through my mind

The movie that is my life

Plays before my eyes

When I almost lost my mind

I wasn’t alone

When the other people left

I wasn’t alone

The last time was in this room

I wasn’t alone

Every time I cried

Every time depression strangled me

Every time I wanted to quit life

I wasn’t alone

Something rose on the inside

And hugged me from within

It wrapped its arms around me

And just wouldn’t quit

The love of God surrounded me

It brought everything that was taken back

As I reflect on those times

I look up

I’m not scared and lonely

The room isn’t cold, dark, and stale

I’m not alone in a room

Too Bad

I wrote this in February 2016. I have no idea why I didn’t publish it.

But in light of the celebration of Independence Day yesterday-a celebration that is really only for those who are descendants of American citizens in 1776-I’ll publish it now.

And I’m going ALL out for Juneteenth next year. 😊

Proud to be an American
Where at least I know I’m free
What a nice song lyric
Too bad I’m not really proud
Too bad I don’t feel free
Too bad the oppression is real
Sanctioned and legal
Too bad there’s a double standard
Too bad there’s immaturity
Too bad reality is uncomfortable
So it’s dismissed
Too bad people are so blind
To the hurt and plight of others
Too bad people can’t understand
The fabric of this society
Too bad noses are in the sand
Too bad justifications are forced
Instead of acceptance
Too bad inequality is real
But explained away
It’s all
Just too bad