I spoke in very general terms about life in my Three Six post.
Truth is? I was NOT okay. Hurricane Ian led me to cancel plans I’d had for weeks. I woke up the next day or two days later, the day before my birthday, and wondered if I was depressed.
Cuz sis has spent time good and depressed at various times in her life. I discovered through prayer that I wasn’t depressed. I was tired. I ended up in tears within a couple of hours.
I made the fortuitous, smart decision to call my aunt before the tears started. I was gonna just spend my birthday weekend in bed in the house doing nothing. I had a photo shoot and dinner planned later in the month. I canceled it.
I don’t like to burden people who have a lot going on with what’s going on with me. At least not new, since May me. I’ll pray, take a nap, make a comment from the glass half full lens while explaining, find a Scripture, and keep moving.
I just couldn’t do that that morning. I started crying and she started praying. She knew what to do. And she knew it was serious over here cuz I was crying and she said I don’t cry.
Because I no longer do. It has to be a lot a lot. I don’t refuse tears on purpose. They just don’t usually drop. Even if my eyes well. Even during sad movies.
I decided to do what I wanted to do this month. Without pressure or the risk of disappointment. Mind my own business. Leave others be and pray without being involved. And rest.
That’s why I canceled the dinner and photoshoot. And some things went down that made that a good choice. Cuz I needed the coin I would have spent.
I was gonna do something I didn’t want to do so I said no. I will be accommodating and just do what other people want even if it isn’t really what I wanna do or wanted to do. And be frustrated but just make the best of it. Because I’ve had to by force and then by choice to keep peace.
I’ve discovered some things about me. I realized I was pushing people to do things and I wasn’t doing all of what I should be doing.
Since May, I have also been uncovering, working on me, going through a lot, and haven’t just sat still and sat in it. I chose rest and peace in a lot of things. Old habits die hard. I sacrificed and settled in one thing.
Buuuuuuut. That went haywire and I assisted in being forced to choose peace. Ion wanna talk about it. Just know this mouth got me where I needed to be in a way I didn’t foresee and wasn’t going to voluntarily go.
I did what I thought would help after not getting help I was asking for. It was determined that that was the wrong thing. But it helped me figure out what I should be doing. The whole Romans 8:28 all things work together for good of it all.
I have done so many things and lived so much life this month. The start of my new year. 99.9% of it alone and solo dolo. Ima list it in case y’all need some ideas.
Day trip via train
Sip and Paint
I still may rollerskate. I’m going to a glow event in the garden of one of the parks here. I’m decorating pumpkins. Living life that He came so I could live abundantly. Look that Scripture up. I gave you the other one for free. 🤣😂🤷🏾♀️🤦🏾♀️
Sometimes, okay a lot of times, I pour out or do a lot of random talking to be in relationship with other people. Cuz I want human interaction. I also worry about and am there for others. But I don’t always get the same thing back. I’ve made peace with that and have evaluated how I’m gonna move going forward.
Part of it is just who I was made to be. And that just has to be okay. Part of it is just the natural desire to be in relationship. But I don’t get that luxury to the degree that I want because of who I was made to be. I have struggled with it. Even as I’m accepting it. Old habits die hard. One more rime for the one time and the people in the back.
It ain’t easy being breezy. Like I’ve said, He didn’t promise ease. He promised ability. It’s gonna be difficult, uncomfortable, confusing, frustrating, weird, and whatever else. I’ve cried a time or two since the top of the month.
However, seeing the hand of God, my growth, and the manifestation of the prayers I’ve prayed for me and others? Gaaaaaaaaaaaah. The beauty of it. The satisfaction. The validation from God. It makes it so worth it. The patience and commitment to waiting on God revealing what He was doing? Sheesh.
I’ve stayed a while so now it’s time to go. Trust Him. Like they say, even when you can’t trace Him. It’s ALWAYS worth it. Even when it doesn’t seem like it in the moment. ESPECIALLY then.
Go be great. You need to. The world needs you to. You can do it 💪🏾!