Who Say What Now

Who are you obligated to? What are you obligated to? Who are you trying to please?

I have learned and am still trying to walk out that there is a lot of truth to the quote to thine own self be true. With the caveat, the addition of seeing yourself how God sees you in line with His perfect will for your life.

This is probably kinda a part two or further explanation of Happy Happy Joy Joy and pieces of other things.

As stated, there are parts of my future that I’ve know about since 14. There are a lot of things people don’t know or forgot about. God has NEVER let me. I made the decision to be bold enough to tattoo it on my foot. The whole everywhere the soles of your feet tread of it all (🗣 means Scripture to look up 😊).

So, while questioning and doubt and not fully wanting to submit, I was still out here in these streets prophesying with my feet. If you don’t know, the short version of prophesy is speaking something now that will happen later. It should reaaaaaally be done at the inspiration of God so we aren’t stating things not line with the future He has planned. I hit some of that here.

Gifts and callings are without repentance 🗣, you are born with them. How you use them is up to you. That’s why there are accurate fortune tellers. They have the gift of prophesy but they chose to use it for means that do not honor and glorify the gift giver, God, for reasons known to them.

Anywho. Wait. I actually planned this for once and think I need to go back to age 10 going on 11. When I was at home, we lived a little more than an hour from a lot of my mom’s family. She created a family for us at the church. Loved it.

I was seen, I was valued, I got to ask questions, I talked to adults and older people more than the kids.my age cuz this brain has always been a lil advanced and different. That’s just how He made me. I’m not the one who came up with that notion. I was just told this by my shujaa two days ago. Lol. And she is not the first….

We got to wear pants, fingernail polish, earrings when we weren’t doing certain things in ministry (ushering at the door, singing on the choir, etc.), make up, and the like. We got to go bowling, to the movies, to the skating rink, LIVE life. And that was a novel concept for many people who were raised Pentecostal/Apostolic. Still is for some.

People took the Bible and continued to, and still do, use it a s a weapon to control people. Without revelation from God and reading what the pages say in context via the chapter before and after, the black and white words can be used in isolation in ways God and the authors inspired by God never intended.

I don’t know where I was really going yesterday when I started this and stopped before unfinished rhen first sentence in the paragraph above. (I remembered one thing. My grandfather sent my mom something in regards ro her wearing jewelry and makeup. When I found it it shocked me a lil. But he was a product of his time. Can’t really fault him…)

The point of this was to discuss who and what we are obligated to as I asked the questions above. I ended up writing Church People Hurt Me which is kinda a companion piece. Other people did too.

Despite being hurt, my trauma response, coupled with my relationship with Jesus, caused me to love hard and be mistreated and mishandled. If the people you love ignore you, talk horribly to you, don’t allow for proper conflict resolution skills, make you insecure, don’t allow for great self esteem, you are gonna allow others you come into relationship with to treat you like a doormat or trashcan.

The world says because I love you I have to forgive you. Because I’m a Christian I DEFINITELY have to love you and obvi forgive you. But people like to say we should cast it in the sea of forgetfulness 🗣 (Scripture to look up bc you need to read it for yourself). That’s what God does. I ain’t God.

I don’t feel like the Bible demands that we forgive and forget. There’s a Scripture that came to mind that is a little on point but not really. It says should we continue in sin that grace should abound, God forbid.

Should God continue to heal and deliver me for me to go right back to the one hurting me? God forbid. I love you. I want heaven’s best for you. But the Bible also says guard your heart because the issues of life flow out of it.

My guy, my bff, I Am, JESUS picked 12 then picked 3 of the 12. He kept a tight circle and knew who they were and that they supported purpose. Judas was necessary. And He knew who they would be to and for Him after he ascended. He didn’t obligate himself in relationship with everyone.

He wouldn’t even really go home to perform miracles cuz of how they saw Him.

I have made conscious choices and decisions that are painful. But necessary. If you try to save your life you lose it but if you lose it you will save it. 🗣 What profit is it to gain the world, be in relationship with people who harm and don’t support, be in places and spaces that don’t aid in getting to purpose, and lose my soul? 🗣Lose what I was created to do and be…

Cuz being out of His PERFECT will won’t allow me to maintain this peace and joy. It’s why someone made a comment to me about not going through something every few years. I’d get fed up and focused. But I missed people and went back. Only to be hurt and fed up again.

Few people choose me without my involvement. Why keep doing that when I know who God says I am? I decided to choose Him and choose me. Cuz at the end of the day, the only person responsible for me is me. And the only “person” I owe is Jesus.

When I cried myself to sleep, when I cried so hard I had to lie about why the floor was wet, when I just didn’t want to face life, when I had nothing and nobody to help, the list goes on.

I’m not obligated to anything or anyone. Unlike the disciples who made all of these excuses as to why they couldn’t follow Jesus 🗣, well unlike them now cuz I def didn’t have a completely surrendered yes, I will drop anything and anyone to get where I need to go. If I gotta pick it back up later I will.

This body isn’t just a living sacrifice. 🗣This life is. The people in it. The things I do. The places I go. I have no time for idols and little gods. I can’t place anything or anyone above the plan of God. I could do certain things and entertain certain people. His permissive will allows that.

But ion like His permissive will NEARLY as much as His perfect one. And I definitely don’t like when I’m not in His will AT ALL.

The Bible definitely says owe no man. And while many may think or just see that as currency, I’m not finna be out here living life any longer like I owe somebody anything. Cuz they didn’t create me, sacrifice for me, save me, keep me, or anything of any more value or significance than what God did.

Live yo life on purpose to tap into the greatness inside of you. It won’t always be easy. Jesus never made that promise. He did promise that it was possible and that He would be with us. 🗣 So go be great. We need youuuuuuuu!