Rich Soil

I was talking to Lucy’s daughter. We were fighting fighting. Just kidding. Disagreeing. But that’s fighting fighting for us. Hahaha.

I don’t know how I forgot to give her a blog of honor of her own. Therein lies one of the rubs we were tussling about.

She is one of my best friends. She was in the house and loves me like Lucy. She has truly parented me. I won’t say just mothered.

She has taken me on dates. I’ve taken her on dates. And we’ve simply just gone out together. She really is her mother’s daughter.

I told her, at some point since 2018, that I was gonna take care of her and honor my granny. She was at home all 48 years of her life that her mother was alive for. She was the caretaker for my grannny for at least the last nine years we had her. My granny wasn’t suuuupwr needy or sick the whole time. But she stopped driving and her health declined in the last two years of her 88 almost 89 years of life.

She has been there when I couldn’t count on or depend on anyone else. She has made sacrifices for me in small ways that mean so much. She was the only person to make effort to get me a gift and recognize what a feat and accomplishment law school was. That is irritating and sad when I consider the circumstances. It’s that acrimonious divorce in Happy Happy Joy Joy.

She does everything for everyone. While they love her, and do the big things like make sure she has a decent car, the day to day on the regular check-ins don’t happen. They love her but don’t inquire cuz she isn’t honest and they assume she’s good. I told her this so it isn’t some rock I’m throwing then hiding my hand. And I’m gonna send her the link. Lol.

I told her I’m the one who has to look out for her. I told her that I told her I was gonna honor my granny by looking after her. Her niece daughter. I asked her what she needed cuz she’s been on the go so much. She refused.

We argued about blocked blessings and letting me help. She was refusing to answer me cuz she already knows. I tried to guilt her by asking how would my granny feel if she knew she wouldn’t let me help. Nothing was working. I’m good and grown. I just sent her the money. I was sick of it. Hahahahaha. Fighting fighting.

Then I demanded that she take a self care day. She needs to rest. There is no point of doing all she has and not being able to enjoy the spoils of her labor. I need her around to enjoy our future.

And here is why we are here. Every so often I say something that is SUPER good to me. Like, a lot of this blesses me. But some of it surprises even me.

I started talking about her reaping what she sowed. But then I took it a step further. I told her you can’t keep sowing without reaping the harvest. If you keep sowing without reaping you will oversaturate and ruin the soil. You won’t be able to sow a thing. We both said “oh. That’s good.” Well I said it first and then she said she was thinking it. Lol.

The soil of my life has been made rich by my decision to go home in 2009. I was devastated because I was praying and things got bad. Then they got even worse. I’m realizing for real for real, cuz I think I hinted at it in Lucy, He really is a God of answered prayer. I didn’t get what I needed from the parents I wanted it from. But I did get it from the shared DNA of my father.

While my father, due to his trauma, was unable or incapable, of being what I needed, the love, guidance, correction, all the things God is that a father is supposed to be, still came through the DNA I got from him. This literally just hit me as I typed this.

God is SUCH a good, good Father. He is a promise keeper (I’m referring ro the Scripture you should look up that says when my mother and father forsake me the Lord will take me up).

I’m out. I’m overwhelmed from so much that I myself am reaping. Sheesh. It pays to endure and be in relationship with Jesus. Salvation is so worth it. My goodness.

Go be great. Someone is counting on it.