What Are You Carrying

This had a whole nother title (remember was in front) and I’m combining it with one that was gonna be titled What Are You Doing With Your Yes and I Don’t See What You Said. Lol the last one was gonna be one called Making Faith. I told y’all elsewhere, ya girl got drafts for daaaaaaaaays.

Elijah and the juniper tree just came to mind.

But first. In What Are You Doing With Your Yes, I popped in a piece of a convo I had where I was probably annoying. I told the person the yes I gave God isn’t the yes it has turned into but it is the yes I was created for.

While on my way here, at this moment in my life, and to where I’m going, I said yes.  Feel free to reflect on some of what I said in What Did You Say.  I questioned if I heard what I heard and saw what I saw. Cuz I didn’t want it anymore.  Never really did. But. Nah. I was good. I wasn’t going after it.  Multiple times. 

This surrendered life is hard. You don’t get to be comfortable or in control. You don’t get to just say and do whatever.  It’s why I’ve played hopscotch with my relationship with Jesus.  It’s why I’ve been focused and then thrown up my deuces (peace sign) and walked away.

True relationship, outside of anything extra, the Bible way?  Tuh. I punked out. But He gave me more grace. That’s why I told Him yes for real and I mean it this time.  Cuz, all the other times, I said yes but with reservations that I don’t think I was fully aware of.  But this time?  I told Him yes to it all.  Alright.  I give up.  I give in.  Sis ain’t neva done alla that.

In I Don’t See What You Said/Making Faith, I started to write these words: Donald Lawrence has a line in a song that says “I’m not making sense I’m making faith”. I don’t have to understand.  I just have to obey.  It doesn’t have to make sense.  But it has to be faith. I was going to talk about David, Abraham, 10 of the 12 spies, and Moses. Feel free to go look alla that up. Cuz this ain’t that and Ion think I’m going to write write those.

Cuz what are you carrying? You have to give a yes to carry something.

We didn’t have to give a yes to be born. But we had to give a yes to receive baptism of the water and Spirit. See Salvation. So now as saved believers, we are carrying the breath of God and the Spirit of God.

Some of us made the fortunate mistake of asking for wisdom and purpose. I feel like God was like the double dutcher rocking back and forth waiting to jump in, waiting on us to ask why we were created and how we could serve Him in the earth.

Cuz Buddy be out here READY ready to tell someone something bout themselves. Jeremiah 1 comes to mind. Happy hunting. If you’re a regular you know the drill. πŸ—£ means go make sure I’m not writing a whole new Bible.

So. We get our assignment and we are good to go. We start working and living and reaching. Well. Some of us. Cuz I was a reluctant 16 year old who wanted out. My grandfather was having none of it. I eventually found a way out by leaving his church. I told him I wasn’t ready. I have been in a pulpit once since July 2004.

But the thing is, it never left me. This is a pulpit of sorts. I feel like I addressed this elsewhere recently. I’m not going to check. Y’all can just read it again. Lol. I create pulpits wherever I take me. What’s in you will come out. That same Jeremiah said it would be like fire if he didn’t speak. πŸ—£ Facts.

Anywho. Sooooooomething or someone comes along and makes us stop. We question everything God ever said or showed us. Come here Elijah. My pastor preached about this recently and again, I think I talked about it recently, but it bears repeating.

Elijah was used by God to do one of the most amazing things. πŸ—£ Embarrassed the prophets of Baal and Jezebel. πŸ—£ But then my guy finds out that Jezebel wants him dead. πŸ—£

Wait. This might be another draft. BRB (be right back. As if you can see. πŸ€£πŸ˜‚). Chiiiiii didn’t see a draft. Cuz I’m down for a copy and paste. It may be already written like I thought. I’m just gonna keep going. Cuz we can never get enough reminders.

Elijah runs away and hides under a juniper tree. πŸ—£ Wait. Sir. You da one who just dumped a river on wood and called fire down that consumed the wet wood and the other foolishness the prophets of Baal created? πŸ—£

Was.

Sir. You da one who KNOWS knows God and has a track record with him? Just read what happened in the chapters before the juniper tree.

Was.

This is why I keep saying we gotta build altars. At nine years old within months of receiving the gift of the Holy Ghost, I had no idea why my friends turned on me. I had no idea what I was really carrying.

In the years since, I should have had more sense. I went to enough church. I had experienced enough hell. I had experienced enough evidence of the favor and purpose on my life through our relationship.

But I kept running into Jezebels. Be it me or other people. I kept running into moments that caused me to go sit under a juniper tree. I kept running into moments that made me want to quit and just die.

I’m in one of the biggest juniper tree moments of my life. I think I have had one second of quit. But quit quit like before? Naaaaaah. I’m closer to purpose than I’ve ever been. I gave that yes and meant it.

I am looking at and to the Author and Finisher of my faith. πŸ—£ I have put all of this in proper perspective. I am determined to embrace the gift of peace given to me. πŸ—£ I am determined to stand still and see the salvation of the Lord. πŸ—£ I am determined to be content where I find myself. πŸ—£ I am determined to be tried in the fire and come out as gold. πŸ—£ Cuz He said it wouldn’t consume me. πŸ—£ I’m determined to let nothing separate me. πŸ—£ Not even me and my feelings or emotions. I’m determined to be the clay the Potter needs me to be. πŸ—£

The yes I was created for is A LOT. It is exposing and unearthing. It is illuminating and uncomfortable. Stuff I thought was healed and done for. Nooooooot so much. The 180s. The changes. The shifts. The growing pains. It’s like the entire kitchen sink is being thrown at once. I can admit it is probably my fault for dragging my feet at times. But timing is important. I needed every second. Nothing was wasted.

I know what I’m carrying. I know there are people attached to me. I know that I am going to change the trajectory of my bloodline. I know what He told me. I know what He showed me. I know what I asked Him. I know that nothing will satisfy me unless I take care of what I’m carrying.

What are you carrying?

Go be great. Someone’s counting on it.