Out Of Place

I said it to myself and it has become evident. David is one of my faves along w my gangsta boo, (I wanna say spirit animal but ion believe in that but the sentiment kinda fits. 🤷🏾‍♀️🤦🏾‍♀️😂🤣) who I relate to immensely, Simon Barjona Peter.

The children of Israel were at war.

As king, David was supposed to be at war. He wasn’t. He was at the house. Well palace.

He was up on the roof just hanging out. I mean. Friend. You could have at least been praying. Nope.

Due to what was about to happen, I imagine he was possible preening like a peacock. Just looking around at all of what he was in charge of.

Definitely not acting like what his name means: a man after God’s own heart.

Like. My guy? He knew what he should have been doing. He knew what his position and relationship with God demanded. But buddy was definitely human and had a whole bunch of human moments.

He saw this fine woman bathing. He was like “I gotta have her!”

Pretty sure buddy asked no questions about who she was and if she was married. He was the king so she couldn’t refuse.

Sis gets PREGNANT. I’m sure this was him 🤯. Cuz buddy found out not only was she married, but she was married to a man who was off fighting in the war on his behalf.

Instead of admitting what happened and trying to fix it by inviting God into the disaster, he calls her husband home with the hope of them doing what married people do and passing the baby off as his.

Uriah, that’s the husband, is so honorable, follows protocol so well, he won’t even sleep inside the house. Buddy was focused and in war mode. He slept on the daggone porch.

David has got to be like this now. 🤯🤯🤯🤯 Nothing HE has done to fix something that should have never happened has worked.

Now he comes up with another plan. He sends Uriah back and gives instructions to have him positioned where he can be killed. Sir. What?!

I’m pretty sure this is the same man who, while he was running for his life after being anointed as king but before being seated on the throne, wrote a song (Psalm) that said no matter where he goes the Lord is there.

This is why I said we gotta build altars. The amnesia of it all.

Uriah dies and this clears the way for David to be with his wife Bathsheeba.

Again. At no point does the man chosen by God to be king, who came from being an overlooked by his family shepherd boy in a pasture, to a person who killed a lion, bear, and several giants in the name of the Lord with a leather slingshot and stones, to a victorious warrior fighting to stay alive, consult God or his prophet.

God gave him plenty of time and space to get it together. At each point, each decision, he just kept making bad ones.

So. God sends the prophet Nathan to David. He GATHERS him. He tells him about himself. He puts him in check. Then he tells him the baby is finna die.

David is properly displeased with himself. He also doesn’t like the fact that the child won’t live. He makes a good choice. Finally.

He puts on sackcloth and ashes and fasts. He tries to get God to change his mind.

The people thought my guy was crazy. It didn’t work. They were nervous to tell him about the baby. When David finally found out the baby died, he got up, washed himself, and went and ate.

Here’s the thing. My family (it’s just one person lol. That’s what he called me so we goin with it.) preached and taught a couple of things that are appropriate for this here blog.

In the message I heard first about Shalom (peace), he said that some of us didn’t intend to sin. But, because of life, we did.

Then, in a Bible class about discipleship, he said he got saved young and hasn’t done everything right. But his posture has always been holiness. So, when he made mistakes, there was his mistake not his pattern. He told us to posture ourselves to pursue holiness. When you are pursuing purity and holiness, the pursuit itself is holy. When we come short God gives us grace when we are reaching for the mark.

And then the Sunday before I wrote this, my pastor said he isn’t teaching perfection because that hasn’t worked. He is teaching pursuit. He told us to pursue holiness.

Ya girl can relate to her family.

I got saved super young. At one point I was so sure that I would remain chaste until marriage. I was told to be careful to say what I would and wouldn’t do. I was so sure. That warning was so appropriate.

I allowed loneliness, how I was treated, what other people had going on, and the unnatural and unnecessary pressure to be in a relationship to cause me to fall and sin more times than I care to count.

I was disappointed in myself. I sat myself down in church and stopped the lil stuff I was doing.

Then I graduated to full blown fornication-sexual relations outside of marriage. I didn’t plan on it, didn’t necessarily want to, but I went with it when it happened. Maybe the thought process was why not? I was already doing other stuff. This was attention that I wasn’t getting it from the people I should have received it from. I was ashamed and disappointed. But not enough to stop.

I ended up in what now is a shocking and dangerous situation. It was like I was out of body for the few months this went down. I wasn’t fearful enough when someone was chasing me through the streets in the rougher neighborhood I was in. I wasn’t selfish enough or disgusted enough or displeased enough or in possession of enough self esteem when I was told to wait for him for what had to have been at least an hour.

When one takes their eyes off of Jesus and what they should be doing, danger is waiting.

I managed to keep it together for 13 years. I mean, when someone comes across the pulpit and says your name and then says God says you’re dirty, filthy, stinking, and nasty (something like that) and don’t know what you’re up to? You kinda gotta get it together. Well. You don’t HAVE to. But I chose to. And I’m glad I did. Cuz the consequences of continuing in that sin? I know me and what could have happened. Nothing nice.

Listening to the wrong people and the pandemic was a recipe for disaster. It wasn’t as bad as it could have been but it was worse than it should have been. I’d love to say that was the end of the story. But it wasn’t. It will be now. Tuh. The flattery was what did it. Love bombing (saying a bunch of things and being super nice at first before being…not so great). For all three of these jokers.

I got caught up AGAIN a year and a half after the first pandemic problem. However, I cut it off far sooner. I’d love to say I was unscathed. I think the last time was the worst because of what happened and how utterly reckless I was with my safety. Thank God for His hedge of protection.

And I guess, just to make sure I meant what I said when I said I was ready for a husband who would find me working like Ruth and be running around the church or rolling on the floor, I met a person in the parking lot of an auto parts store. The flattery. Again. This time? I was unmoved and not really taken by it.

Despite sharing the same doctrinal (Biblical) beliefs about salvation, dude had some sus thoughts. Then his words and actions didn’t line up. More love bombing. He had to GO. And did. After like two or three convos and a disappearance and reappearance. When he came back after a week he said he missed me. Sir. Go away. Nah playa. Bye.

I appreciate all that God is and His forgiveness. The fact that there is no shame and condemnation (a lil Scripture hunt for ya). EVEN when I know better. Even when I put myself in places and situations, He still looked out for me.

That’s why, despite how I feel about it, I’m gone give Him my total and complete yes. I’m gone go where my flesh doesn’t really want to go. I’m gone do what my flesh doesn’t really want to do. I owe Him. He didn’t bring me through all of this just for me. It was so that others, via tests that turned into a testimony that is a testament to Him as I keep saying, would know and see that the same God that did it for the people in the Bible is still doing it for people today.

Go be great. Someone is counting on YOU!