It Hurts

Chiiiiii. I did something to my back.

At first it was just a lil twinge when I moved a certain way.

Now it is acting up far more. Even when I walk.

I cannot afford to be sick or in pain. Truly.

I’m gonna have to keep moving and pray.

And that’s what we gotta do.

Growing is painful.

Letting go is painful.

Uncovering our flaws is painful.

Dying to the flesh is painful.

We can tuck tail and run.

No doubt having to circle back and learn the lesson again.

Or we can work while wounded.

We can go on about being a miracle and receive it as we go.

Cuz sometimes just getting up after we wake up is the miracle.

But the line two above made me think about the lepers (🗣 means Scripture for you to go look up for yourself. 😊).

Jesus told them to go show themselves to the priest.

In that day if you had leprosy, a condition that was visible on the skin, you were put out of the community and isolated.

Once healed, you had to go show the priest that you were healed before you could be accepted back in the community.

Jesus told them they were healed and to go show themselves.

Now, at the moment he said it, they apparently still had the leprosy. As they walked they were healed.

How do I know?

One of them turned back to tell Jesus thank you. Jesus did something more for this leper.

He told him his faith made him whole. To go and sin no more.

How is that different you ask?

Jesus healed the leprosy the lepers had. There had to be some emotional and mental anguish associated with being isolated.

The one that came back was made whole. So that makes me think that everything associated with the leprosy and subsequent isolation was taken care of.

It is one thing to have one part of an issue taken care of. But, there is often residue ppl don’t talk about and consider. We want to fix what we see but don’t consider what we don’t.

It’s why Christians commit suicide. Because they are able to mask, dress up, cover up, take care of what we focus so much on: the appearance and outside.

I remember being a teenager and young adult and adult a couple months ago. Because my hope, focus, and everything was geared towards the people around me and what was going on, I felt hopeless. I wanted to quit and give up. I wasn’t taking care of the inside. Nobody was concerned about my insides.

The only reason I’m alive is because I believed that suicide is murder and I wouldn’t be able to repent if I was dead. That’s solely my belief. I don’t have any Scripture or revelation from God to back that up. One of the Commandments says thou shalt not kill. 🗣 Repentance is defined as godly sorrow that makes one change their ways. 🗣 How could I be sorry and change my ways of I was dead?

I asked God to kill me. I wanted the life giver, the purpose giver, to snuff out the life He gave and planned.

He said no without saying it and most of the time I sat in the feelings for a minute. This last time as soon as I asked I repented. Because I came to myself and realized, finally, what and who I was asking.

How dare I? After His death on the cross? After ALL we’ve been through? Rude much. Within days I had left where I was and made the decisions to follow where He led me next into purpose. I thought I had reached my destination and discovered it was merely at a stop along the way.

I’m so grateful for a loving and patient Savior who decided for some reason to choose this messy, fallible, amnesiac. Why? I get it for the most part. Lol.

Like they say, check on your strong friends. Make sure they aren’t wearing a mask and struggling. And pay attention if someone is constantly texting or calling and telling you they need your attention. I can’t imagine the anguish if one ignored a person who went on to commit suicide.

I didn’t plan to go there. But hey. Sometimes we are the one hurting like the lepers. And other times we are the hands and feet of Jesus and need to recognize the leper.

Have a great day. Go be great. Someone is counting on it. You don’t exist just for you. You exist to be a witness and testimony of the glory of God. Spread some Jesus around. You’ll be better for it.