Walk Away

What are you willing to lose to gain?

In one or more of the Gospels, Jesus is talking about how He has all these disciples.

He wanted them to follow Him.

They’re like “we would but we have all this stuff to do, all these people to contend with.”

Jesus is disappointed. He’s like the dead can bury the dead. That stuff isn’t as important.

He says if you’re willing to lose your life you will save it but if you try to save it you will lose it.

Can you walk away?

Honestly, I haven’t been able to. I’ve tried so many times. But my heart wouldn’t let me do it.

At least not fully. I walked back to it.

I’m closer than I’ve ever been to fulfilling what I’ve seen, what I’ve dreamed.

I’ve said it before. I’ve tried it before. I gotta let them go. Give them to God.

It is so much easier said than done.

I think it’s gonna stick this time. My surroundings are different. The people in my life are different.

I was too close to the people I was letting go of. I didn’t have others to step in and fill voids. It wasn’t time, time yet to let them go.

Now is the time. To let more of me go too.

I wasn’t willing to be the complete sacrifice I needed to be.

I gave a yes. But it was half-hearted. It wasn’t complete. It wasn’t 100%

Now? I gotta give it. I gotta do it.

Whatever it costs, I gotta pay. The cost is low compared to the cost of not doing it.

He gave His life to give me life.

He has kept my mind. He has restored my mind.

He has mended the broken heart I kept letting be broken by the same people because I love them.

He has been a friend when I have had no friends to count on.

He has been there for the tears.

He has been there with my fear and doubt when I tried to talk myself out of the promises He made.

He’s forgiven my sin and mistakes and removed the shame and condemnation.

He’s been faithful when I’ve been anything but.

He’s proven worthy of my trust and love when people weren’t.

He values me and let’s me know.

Most of all, by allowing life to happen and being there and calling me to be a disciple, He has shown that He trusts ME.

The mess that is me.

I owe Him everything.

So, while walking away and carrying this cross is hard and hurts. Seeing my flaws and room for growth isn’t fun.

He is here. Just like someone helped Him carry His cross on the way up Golgotha’s hill to Calvary, He is here helping me carry mine.