This Place

I am currently sitting in a beautiful place I never expected to be in. In more ways than one.

At no point, since my Freshman year of college ended, has my life looked like I wanted or expected it to.

At times I have felt, and surely looked, crazy.

Since I was a child, I’ve been told and felt certain things were ahead for me. I acted on and told people about some of it. Not so much for other parts.

While speaking it aloud, I have, aloud and secretly, questioned if I was lying. I have questioned if it was really what I should do.

I would have conversations that appeared to point to clarity to quell the doubt. I have felt and appeared unstable. Life has been crazy.

I thought I was making the right moves and decisions to get me to where I was going. There were detours that have aided in making me who I am and getting me to this place.

I am the most certain I have ever been and the most unstable all at the same time. I have no safety net. I barely have a plan.

I feel like this place, this moment, is designed to see of I’m going to truly trust God. Am I going to truly stand still in the storm, in what would and should cause me to flip out and just make moves in order to feel anchored?

As I wrote that last sentence, a cool breeze began blowing. It is so difficult to see the end and have no clue how you are going to get there. Much like those in the Bible from Abraham through Moses to Joshua.

I am trying to be Joshua and Abraham. It is so easy to have Moses and post-Egypt Israelite moments (All of this is in Genesis, Exodus, and Joshua. Leviticus, Numbers, and Deuteronomy are important too for historical and background.).

All I can do is remember the refrain that came to me in a blog last week: if He called me to it He will grace me through it.

Cuz if you can see it it isn’t faith.

Go be great. Someone’s counting on it.