Not The Same

This is a draft from January 2021 that I never got to. The notes I wrote then: Stuffing blanket all the fabric fit not like when I got it or when I put it up before but it still fit

I was going through and deleting stuff that I am not going to write. After posting several of the Name of God drafts, I almost deleted this one and then the notes gave me pause.

Apparently this is about this blanket I had on my bed. I was packing up to move. I attempted to fold the blanket and put it back in the bag like it was when I got it.

It fit back into the original package. But definitely not how it was when I took it out. The cardboard, if there was any, is long gone. I am gonna assume a machine folded it. I am many things, but, that I am not. The packaging isn’t closed either. It was never gonna be close to being how it was.

The reason this gave me pause is because the last part reminded me of Moses. And it truly has nothing to do with what I wrote as notes. Well I thought it didn’t. But as I wrote that I realized that it kinda does.

He had two experiences with God that changed him. One was internal and spiritual. The other was external and physical. All of this is in Numbers and Exodus. I’m gonna play fast and loose with citations so y’all will go look it up. 🙂

Let’s back up for a second. When we meet Moses in Exodus Chapter 2, all the Hebrew baby boys were supposed to be killed upon birth per Pharaoh. Moses’s mother wasn’t having it. She hid him then sent him down the river in a basket.

Pharaoh’s daughter found the baby and decided to let him live. Moses’s sister saw Pharaoh’s daughter find him and suggested a Hebrew nurse-their mother. Moses’s mother nursed and raised him and then gave him to Pharaoh’s daughter to raise.

The blanket was unwrapped and put back in the package. It was taken back out.

I recently moved again. I lived a couple places since January 2021. One of them provided a bed. They said it would be a full bed. I bought sheets for it. It turned out to be a queen bed. I moved locations and again was told it would be a full. They were wrong the first time so I assumed they would be this time. I got my blanket. It was in storage and took too much work to find when I moved before. I was determined to get it this time. Guess what? The bed is a full. It is going to be too big. I didn’t even put it on the bed yet. It will likely be fine. It’s summer and I have something else I can use for now.

One day Moses saw an Egyptian beating a Hebrew slave. Moses knew who he was. He killed the Egyptian. Another day he saw to Hebrew people fighting. One asked if he was going to kill them too. He realized what he did was found out. Pharaoh tried to kill him but he ran.

That blanket was never gonna fit. It was always going to be too big.

Moses flees to a place called Midian. He goes from being the King’s grandson to being a shepherd for the man who becomes his father in law.

While being a murderer on the run, married to a woman who wasn’t, to my knowledge, Hebrew, God sent an angel as flame of fire in a bush that burned but was not consumed. Moses was curious. When God saw that the curiosity got to him, He called Moses.

God called Moses in response to the cries of His chosen people who were OVER slavery. Moses made all kinds of excuses but eventually went to rescue his people. It was rough. There were plagues and death. He didn’t think he was qualified. He brought up his speech impediment. None of what he did mattered to God. God used him. Changed him on the inside.

But. People gone people. He was trained in shepherding people when he shepherded the flock for his father in law. However, they stayed on Moses’s nerves. They complained even after God delivered them from Egypt. Even after He provided food from heaven. Even after he was a cloud of shade in the day and a pillar of fire at night. Even after they sojourned and their clothes and shoes never wore out. Bruh broke the stone tablets the Ten Commandments were on and had to climb the mountain to make another set. Far harder than the process to make the first set.

One day buddy had had enough. God told him to speak to a rock to get water. This was after previously being told to strike the rock to get water. Instead of speaking the second time, Moses hit it twice. God was NOT happy. God told Moses, the one who had obeyed and done what he was told despite his personal hangups and misgivings and who had, to me, carried himself well in the face of all that he dealt with with the people, he would never see the Promised Land because of his disobedience in frustration.

I could NOT begin to imagine or fathom the disappointment. But. Moses disobeyed. Crazy thing is, Moses still had to lead the people closer. He still stayed in relationship with God despite knowing he would never see what was promised. One day they were talking and God told Moses to tell the people some things and do some things. Moses knew the people so he had some things to say about God’s presence and whatnot.

Eventually, while they are talking, Moses was like show me Your glory. He wanted to see the Person he had seen and heard. God was like buddy if I show you my face you won’t be able to see it and live. Nobody will. But here’s what I’ll do. You go stand on a mountain in a cave. I’ll cover your face with my and while I pass by and then I’ll show you the hind part,back, the end of who I am. That’s what happened.

And it was so miraculous that Moses had a visible glow. The people were scared to come close to him because of the glow. He had a physical change (people used to say his hair turned grey. I never even questioned it. Even after having read it. I looked it up for this. The King James Version says NOthing about grey. Another story for another day. Maybe. But this is why I provide the Scripture and encourage y’all to go find it yourselves.) in response to the presence of God.

Now, I don’t know if my blanket has changed. I’ll have to see when I take it out.

What I do know is that, after experiencing God, one is never the same. You can go back where you used to be. You won’t fit. People will be able to see based on your actions and your countenance. There is nothing wrong with it. If you feel like that STOP. You can’t experience the Holy One and fit in. It just won’t work. You can be kind and gracious. But you will always know that you are set apart and different. Be around the people. In love. Like Jesus. But never change back. Never shrink. Never dim. We are to be light. We are to be salt. Neither of those things can hide. (Matthew 5:13-16)


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