No Jonah

I just uttered the words “God, I don’t want to do this.”

I was talking about a heavy task and assignment as I logged into my computer at work. It hit me that I haven’t worked in nine days. I don’t wanna do this either.

I’ve known some of this task was coming for a decade. I’ve known about another part for ion know how long. Buuuuut the heaviest part? Bruh. That’s new to me.

I gotta say some stuff ion really wanna say to people who aren’t the best at listening to what I have to say.

I don’t think I’m better than them or they are undeserving. I just don’t wanna be the one. But nobody else will. Nobody else is.

I’ve questioned this thing for most of these 10 years. At times I ignored it. Didn’t talk about it. Didn’t do anything to accomplish it.

At times I was gung ho and on board. I was here for it.

Now I feel the weight of thr responsibility. On the precipice of it. At the moment I have to jump, do, be.

I’ve been told that I have to do it because I don’t want to. Interesting but not altogether faulty or untrue logic. I will have everything I need.

That doesn’t change my feelings. But I’m not gonna be like Jonah. I’m gonna do it. I’m not gonna make a mess by running.

Who I was before wasn’t ready. I suppose who I am now is. That still doesn’t make it easier.

I have to remind myself of the end goal, the purpose. That’s what matters. Not how difficult or uncomfortable. But, what will happen when I do it.

Here goes nothing…..

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