Forward Goodbye

This has been a draft for a minute. And I changed the title. At first i was just going to talk about saying goodbye. But then i wanted to talk about moving forward. We’ll see if they mesh well enough.

Many times in life we have to say goodbye. Some of the hardest goodbyes are those that life forces on you. Like when people you love walk out on you.

I have talked some about this before. Being in a toxic environment and then cultivating relationships makes the chosen relationships so much more emotional. Having someone you think loves, understands, and appreciates you means a lot. Giving all you can and only wanting a little in return only to have the person refuse to give it is devastating.

I made the decision to walk out on the life that was forced upon me. But I wanted to carry some of the friends with me. To this day I have tried to maintain friendships that the girl I said goodbye to made. I even tried to reconnect and rekindle some things from before I was even forced to move.

I’m realizing that I have to move forward. I’m going to have to say goodbye to some more people and some more things. I can’t force relationships. I may love these people with all that I am. But I deserve more, I deserve better. It’s hard because I’ve known some of these people for over half of my life. But I’m not OK with constantly bringing what I want to the table and desiring more from them.

One great thing about moving home was the ability to reconnect with my family. Especially my granny and aunt. I think I’ve said it before but it’s worth mentioning again.  Even though I moved back it was a forward goodbye. I went back to a place where I was happy. I expected things to be different than they were. I was disappointed.

But I’m happy now. I’m realizing goals and dreams. I’m on my way to becoming the me I want to be. Not the me others planned or wanted. I’m not perfect. Every day isn’t sunshine and roses. But I’m getting there. I said goodbye in order to move forward. I’m going to say goodbye a few more times. After all, the Bible does say to everything there is a season. Seasons change. Nothing stays the same.

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